Apr 3
twisting knot of stupid cold unfeelingness/horrible misery around the core of my being
#simultaneously and separately#i don't know how to engage with people anymore. everything and everyone feels so alien.#nothing makes me feel comfortable for long enough there's always something gnawing away at me#i don't know how to break out of this.#feels like.#old relationships are dying and the new ones lie in the imprint of the old ones not quite comfortable in the hollow#and im watching on as a shadow of who i was supposed to be (who never made it and was never gonna make it)‚ rotting#i want not to feel the desperation for once. i want to feel like it just continues at an ordinary pace.#idk. overthinking patterns again. all just repeated patterns and it doesn't matter that it all goes the same way on loop#bc seeing the patterns repeat is just delusion and stupidity and Immaterial