church choir boy!sakusa kiyoomi who swore he's a reformed man yet.. you are here. in his dorm.
cw. timeskip(20s)! college au! BLASPHEMY. hierophilia. oral (male receiving). not much of a plot. sakusa going through it. inaccurate church stuff since i haven’t gone to church in sooo long. mentions of god. guilt. shame. dead dove. MDNI. 18+ ONLY.
a/n. religion is a vv sensitive topic for others.. so please proceed with caution. this might not be that good but this is an itch i have to let go. it’s haunting me. ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) it's not super explicit but still taboo so i tagged dead dove (don't be disappointed if it's not that extreme LOL). this is 1.8k words.. i got too into it. didn’t proofread!! READ THE CW OVER AND OVER.
you were never the type to go to churches or do anything religious at all. actually, you despise it. ever since you grew up, your parents had forced you to attend their sunday masses to “repent” your sins and be some role model kid.
but thanks to college, being away in dorms, you actually had stop coming through masses. except for major exams. or quizzes you know reviews wouldn’t pull through enough. so you find yourself in the university chappel too many times to count.
you turned god or whoever is up there to some exam miracle hotline that you can dialed up and ask for anything like a kid asking for a candy.
sometimes guilt will creeps in but most of the time it’s a “he’ll understand” moment so you just keep doing it for two years.
you didn’t even attend chapel masses, don’t know anything about it. only walking in at some late afternoon when there's no people so you can be alone and say your prayer loud enough for you cause god is something cling on when your grades are in need of help.
today is different. komori, your friend who have been trying to attend you sunday mass ever since he find out you pray every exam season, saying you did that already why not try attending.
so you give in. just so he can shut up about it and maybe stop trying to convince you when he sees you bored as hell.
but here you are with sakusa. a guy who you made an eye contact, scratch that, you gawked at the university chapel which cause you to attend friday masses with komori.. too frequent.
in all honesty, you didn’t know he is komori’s cousin. you didn’t know that the same person who komori posted on his ig story multiple times, the one he’s always with at gym photos, always in face mask and komori going “no way you are corrupting my cousin with your energy.”
you always thought that was an overreaction. something about your energy, stories too hard to handle for komori’s cousin. you didn’t know the man was a choir boy.
which didn’t help at all. because the fridays you see sakusa singing the hymn, choir robe all white and crisped. you can’t help but wonder what he would sound like when he’s not singing the church hymns.
the days leading up to exam week, you find yourself on the same late afternoon, sitting on the pews, should have been praying for finals going about if he’s real and listening he will pass you on your taxation exam like you didn’t told him the same thing semesters ago.
but instead, you will stop for a moment. one eye peeking the big cross on the middle of the altar as if you’re making sure he’s listening and then go off— how you are sorry about lusting over one of his choir boy then go off on how that's mostly his fault because he made sakusa (based on the bible). and then as if this is some sick fetish for you, you will go off in detail how you imagine him fucking you while he have his still his robe on, groaning. you imagine sakusa rutting in you like coming inside you will be his salvation.
then you will go on, remind god, that you are not thinking about doing it in his home. that’s basically asking to be struck by him.
so now, here. standing in front of him, eye to eye as buds of sweat form to his forehead. you were originally meant to drop him off something, notes from komori you borrowed that he asked for you to drop off to him. like it was some sick timing, sakusa was fitting his new choir robe.
his first grave mistake? he invited you inside.
or was it?
it started with; “can i confess,” you said, “sakusa?”
sakusa chuckled softly, back turned on you as he placed the notes of komori on his table, a beaded rosary sitting on the corner. “you know i am a choir member, not a priest”
when sakusa turned to you, you are already on his space causing him so stumble back a little. you are looking up at him, eyes wide, head tilted a little bit. his breath hitched, this is the first time in a while he had a woman up close.
“i know..” you started, stepping a little closer “but the church believes that if i own it up to the person i did wrong, it’s much better.”
“you did wrong?” sakusa echoed, looking down at you, hands almost touching the fabric of his white robe.
you nodded, “you’ll listen to me confess, right? as a part of my repentance.”
sakusa nodded, slowly as if he’s trying to grasp what is happening. he observed you, fingers now fiddling his choir robe. sakusa has now officially feeling some sort of fear and anxiety on what you are about to say.
“sakusa,” you called, “i have been thinking about you.”
sakusa eyes wide, sigh in relief. he thought it will be something bad but relief was soon taken away from him when you started rambling.
“i have been thinking about your voice. you sing way too good and i always wonder how you will sound moaning if i just take your cock in my mouth or if you take me, my body. i am ashamed that i think of you in that way while you are wearing your robe, singing the hymns, being a son of god.”
“i have been thinking about you too much” you repeated, “and it aches here.”
sakusa’s eyes travelled down to your hand. it is caught between your legs, clearly rubbing yourself underneath your skirt. then his eyes went back to your face, you are biting your lower lip. your face show no messing around, your eyes are glassy as if you’re trying not to cry from your shameful confession.
“let me have you in my mouth, sakusa” you plead, “help me get over this.” your hands are now flat on his chest as he backs down on his study table. his fingers grazed over the beads of the rosary.
it sounded so innocent like it’s the only thing that will save you from the sin you are experiencing. sakusa doesn’t want it. he should have said no. he changed. he promised he won’t revert back to that raging hormone teen self who as soon as he turned 18 start crawling on girls’ bed.
komori was his prime witness so when sakusa told him that he will start being active to church and it’s like someone evil is going back to redeem himself.
two years streak is now gone in just a blink. sakusa can feel his dick throb in his pants as you have a staring contest with him. he’s sweating, body hot. ever since he saw you in those pews, sitting next to komori, his mind has wandered far and beyond. instead of falling into his desires, he prayed. he ask forgiveness. he never touch himself as a proof of change.
but here you are, on your knees now, a temptation made in flesh. his fingers automatically lifted his robe to give you access, his trousers are restraining his harden cock. this is most likely the hardest it had been. he can’t help but moan when your hand graze on his hard on.
sakusa felt his cock freed from his boxer. his tip is flushed, angry. it’s leaking way too much causing you to give it a kitten lick as if you’re cleaning it up.
it was mistake to look down at you, your eyes are set on his, lips wrapping around the head of his cock before sinking, taking him whole. “s-shit..”
you choked a little as you feel the head poked the back of your throat. “ahh, this— this feels wrong,” he moaned, other hand gripping the edge of the table. “this is wrong.”
you hummed in response, sending vibrations. you pulled away, string of saliva connecting you to his. you kissed his tip, down to his shaft—slowly, eyes on sakusa, as his gritted his teeth.
you licked him from the end of his cock up to the tip before putting him all in your mouth again, cheeks hollowing.
sakusa’s head is thrown back. he tried thinking about the chapel, the altar, the hymns, his choir friends, the priest who told him, “your voice is a gift from god.”
now that voice is moaning, cussing as the woman who caught his attention from the pews, boredom too apparent, is on her knees, sucking his cock.
your head bobbed up and down his length, tongue swirling around the tip as if you’re making out with his dick.
“i’m sorry,” sakusa whispered. he doesn’t know who this apology is for. to god? to you? or to the version of him he killed just now. “i didn’t mean to— fuck, ngh”
you moan softly, your hips can’t help but grind on nothing. sakusa’s hips jerk up, chasing the feeling, chasing the release. he’s losing himself. the taste of guilt is already there, on his tongue, behind his teeth.
the guilt is now creeping all over his body, more and more.
“please,” he chokes, reaching for your hair. he doesn’t pull, just holds like he’s trying to keep himself grounded. “i don’t wanna cum… fuck—this feels so wrong—”
but you just take him deeper, the tip of your nose kissing his stomach. and this time, he can’t really take it.
sakusa’s body tightens, thighs shaking as his pleasure comes going crashing down.
you can feel it, hot and thick spurts overwhelmingly shoot on the back of your throat. he moaned loudly, broken. his hands gripped your hair as if he’s pulling you away.
too late.
your eyes stared at him as his chest heaved up and down, his expression is somehow a mix of satisfied and terrified as you drink his cum, swallowing all of it like it’s communion.
sakusa backs down on his table, he didn’t even noticed that his rosary was snaked around his left hand, gripping for it.
you get up from your knees, wiping your mouth as sakusa stared down at his robe. the same robe he just picked up an hour ago from the chapel now all wrinkled and tangled with memories of sin, the old lady choir leader handed it to him all crisped and pure saying “you’ll look clean in this, kiyoomi.”
sakusa can feel his throat close. neither of you did speak.
your eyes travelled to the cross above his desk. it’s glinting as the sunlight bleeds through the room. it witnessed your sin, your ‘innocent’ confession that you made sure will break sakusa, made him give in.
and for sakusa, it witnessed him kill the version he tried to kept for so long.
☆ carrd —likes and reblogs are highly appreciated!
