intimacy makes crowley highly uncomfortable, as does harmless body contact / touches / hugs. he’s not worried about getting hurt, nor does he fear intimacy, but it is very, very difficult for him to let it happen. he wants it, but part of him also believes that he shouldn’t be intimate with anybody, because that would mean tearing down endless walls of sass & what’s underneath is left vulnerable to the outside world. when he’s with someone, he does initiate a lot of touching once past a certain point, but it’s always with that little voice in his head preaching caution. there’s also the fact he doesn’t like speaking of the past, so it’s usually a problem when trying to get to share with other people. taking that step & speaking about his human life is hard, which also makes bonding difficult because his partners know he’s hiding things from them.
despite being a demon ( therefore driven to sin lol ) crowley’s hardly interested in sex with random people. he will have sex when it’s thrusted upon him (i’m sorry), but he doesn’t look for it. he doesn’t search random partners for sex. he’s very un-demon-like when it comes to that & has most likely been the reason for a lot of chitchat in hell because of it. but then again we already know he’s different than most demons, right? crowley’s libido rises exponentially with how strongly he feels for someone. it doesn’t necessarily have to be love? like, friendship is enough to make him think about the possibility of having sex with someone. but yes, generally sex truly means something to him, probably also because of his past. when fergus’ wife died, he tried to fill the hole she left in his heart with sex - he closed his deal & just drowned in alcohol & ladies. it didn’t help of course, but hookups without emotional connections tend to remind him, which then reminds him of gavin, of losing the love of his human life etc.
oof. this is a hard, complex one for crowley. we know (thx 8.23) that deep down, love is what he truly wants, but feels he doesn’t deserve. it doesn’t help that everybody he fckn meets lets him know he’s unworthy of everything that doesn’t involve death & pain. all the changes crowley’s gone through since he met the winchesters has been a quiet, subtly cry for love. be it platonic or romantic. of course he’s exceptionally good at hiding his true reasons for things he does, but if you just look at everything that happened between season 5 and 12, you can’t deny he’s tried his damndest to become worthy of what he craves more than anything. love.
quick insert: this is truly one of the most hurtful things the spn writers have done to crowley fans tbh. they make him fight tooth and nail to become worthy in the winchesters’ eyes, worthy of friendship, love & affection.... then they let him die without giving it to him. he fought so fckn hard, he suffered so fckn much. what did he get? nothing with oreos on top. literally every other character even close to his level of appearance got love (not counting lucifer bc they messed him up anyway). dead or not. jody, bobby, rowena, gabriel, benny, cas... they all have it. then there’s crowley who didn’t even get one single friend.
ahem, anyway. love. geez. he wants to be loved so fckn bad, he’s willing to change into something he’s not while pretending he doesn’t give a single shit. “I did it for me.” then there’s different kinds of love.
there’s the “i’m the secret” love in which crowley knows he’s someone to be hidden from family & friends because he’s just a demon who can’t feel, obviously. it’s the majority of his love life (dean, cas, bobby, sam lol) and it’s not healthy in the long run because it feeds the voice saying he doesn’t deserve good things. usually it doesn’t hold too long without crowley bursting.
then there’s the “you’re my king and i’d kiss ur feet if u asked me to” kind of love. something not too rare given he’s the king of hell. it’s pretty one-sided despite him loving the power over someone - it’s often not real.
and then there’s true, “i fckn love you crowley” love. give him that kind of love & you’ve got the most loyal, loving partner ever. he’s a soft, he will still kill without hesitation, don’t think he goes soft on everybody. just that special person. crowley’s broken & he doesn’t let people into the ruins of his heart, but when he does & they love him with no ulterior moves, it’s the best thing. like, they won’t know, but they repair what’s broken. piece by piece. they don’t even have to do anything, it just happens.
