#sincerely_aed

[sincerelyaed-blog]

March 20, 2016

I don't even know what's going on right now. I've been on autopilot since Wednesday and I keep having shaking attacks and I almost got some in school on Thursday which was awful. I've talked to him a little everyday since Wednesday night but shit it feels so weird. He's kinda being a dick and I don't know what to do and I don't even think he knows what's going on. I literally just want to run my head into a fucking wall and get hugs from him but I can't...I fucking can't. I keep hearing my phone going off and getting that heart racing feeling that it's going to be a text from him and it's not and holy shit I hurt. I hurt so bad. I've spent so many months talking to this kid almost every day and literally since Columbus day I haven't talked to him for a total of 2 days and that was only because I was grounded. Like what the fuck. He's my best friend and this shouldn't feel weird but it fucking does and I knew this kid would break me bit I didn't know it'd be this soon. I should be doing productive homework shit but I can't. I don't know...

[sincerelyaed-blog]

January 31, 2016

I am from what I always knew I am from chaos filled with laughter and loss I am from loud nights Ending with shouts slamming doors that leave cracks in ceilings And silent crying I am from years of not knowing What the fuck is going on in my mind Nights spent over thinking Days spent numb and in a blur An endless cycle of not being sure I am from nights of hoping and praying just to be happy again even if only for a moment I want to feel enjoyment I am from family dinners filled with too much food just enough giggles stories of the old days in a crowded dining room I am from music healing making us forget about the shit we do bringing out what I thought was lost I am from what I always knew

[sincerelyaed-blog]

12.28.15 1 a.m. thoughts

Don’t you just love it when it’s 1 a.m. and you can’t stop shaking but you don’t know why you’re shaking? yeah me too. shit. it might have something to do with the fact that I saw some stuff on his ex’s account that set me off...i really gotta start minding my own business but damn. i’ve been shitty today and i should probably be asleep but whatever. i literally wrote a whole note about why i’m a shitty person and then it just turned into random shit about me and why i am a fucking weirdo and can’t do stupid relationships right. you’d think that if two people like each other they’d be able to date but no i’m just a ninconpoop. of course i would tell him i love him, then get my first kiss all before we’re even dating....good job kid. i don’t even know anymore. i have no clue who the hell i am or what kind of a person i am but i have no clue how to figure it out. i can’t even say at least i’m trying anymore because honestly i’m really not which isn’t good

[256edna-mode]

I'm thankful for...

Amongst many people the four that I’m most thankful for outside of my direct family are Dest-for constantly dealing with my shit, Gabby-for being my best friend that’s been making me smile since 2nd grade, Kay Kay Damm-for being my “wife” and continuing to socialize with me after witnessing me roll around on the floor while watching the himym finale, and lastly lover boy aka Luke-for being the best goob ever

I’m thankful for music and concerts and all the amazing people I have in my life that like me despite the fact that I’m actually a potato. I love you all and hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

[256edna-mode]

Do you ever just run into a wall because you keep thinking about how if almost year ago you’d said something just a little bit sooner the past year would’ve gone a lot differently because that’s currently me

[256edna-mode]

Check out @destibean's Tweet:

[sincerelyaed-blog]

s(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw_BJHyQy8c)

Okay so I already commented about this video to @spork on my main tumblr, but I just wanted to briefly talk about this video. I’m super proud of JJ for making this! Not only did she address the stigmas that are often associated with mental disorders, but she also had the courage to talk about her own experiences with them. I can say from experience that this is extremely hard to do, especially when you know that not only friends and family can see it, but 1000′s of complete strangers that could easily comment rude things in response. I feel genuinely inspired by JJ’s #StickItToTheStigma so I’ll probably try to upload a video of my own to my YouTube channel within the next few days. Society can be an extremely messed up place that ignores serious issues, and like JJ said I think it’s time that we all start having the courage to acknowledge and become more educated on them. We need to change society and how it views people as a whole. We need to get rid of the idea that we need to constantly meet up the the standard of “perfection” and start just being genuinely happy with ourselves. So JJ, if you see this just wanna say I love ya and keep doing what you’re doing! <3

[sincerelyaed-blog]

October 16, 2015

Okay so my friend wants me to vent somewhere I’m not going to say anything stupid to people I care about I guess. I think I’ll probably use this for posting my writings or nonsense in my brain that’s bugging me. My friend’s also going to give me a verse everyday and have me write about it. I’ve been Christian my whole life but to be quite honest I’m a pretty crappy Christian considering I barely pray or read my bible, I have a swearing issue, and my faith is not so great. So we’ll see how this goes. I’ll have my original poems/rants under #sincerely_aed and bible stuff under #aedworkinprogress