@sixtacles, ❛ how is it you’re never scared? ❜
he’s wrong. luther is scared way more than he allows himself to show, always too afraid that if he shows any bit of weakness, then his team will lose all faith in him. father raised him to be strong, to be a role model —- to be the person that his siblings look to for inspiration, hope, whatever it was to get them through. luther was sure that if they ever saw their number one falter, they’d have no reason to keep pushing themselves.he swallows that fear for the sake of everyone else, he’s strong so that he can help the others be strong, too. but trying so hard to bury all of that usually only makes it even more harder for him to really connect with them.
he scoffs at first, a smug smile starting to tug at his lips. it’s a mask. ❝ ‘cause i’m number one, ben. leaders don’t get scared. only better. ❞ and he’s ready and committed to keep that up, keep telling ben that he’s never been afraid of anything and that he can handle anything. but after all the time he’s spent with ben lately, when his eyes meet his, he immediately starts to falter, that smile slipping away and his features softening. as easy as it has always been to lie and pretend like he’s fearless for the sake of everyone else —- it feels harder to lie to ben now.
he looks down, almost debating whether or not to change the subject, but then he remembers that there’s a reason that ben confides in him, and maybe, he deserves some kind of real open honesty from luther.
he takes a deep breath, shoulders shrugging before he lifts his head to look up at him. ❝ —- but . . . i do, ❞ he says quietly. ❝ i do get scared, sometimes. i just know everyone else is, too, and— and i don’t want to be. ❞ for all of you. ❝ i believe in all of us, and when we’re out there on missions, i trust you all, even when i’m hard on you, you know? but—- i guess sometimes, it’s dangerous, and i know anything could happen that we’re not prepared for. so, yeah, i get scared then, thinking about something happening to one of us, ❞ he admits, shaking his head almost instantly because he has to deflect ( he can’t handle the thought of losing any of them. ) ❝ —- but i know nothing will. so being scared feels dumb, ❞ he insists. of course it’s valid; they’ve already lost a brother, but luther still wants to believe that it wasn’t something tragic that stole him away, it was five’s stubbornness that did.
❝ —- don’t tell anyone i said that. ❞ it comes out strict, but it’s his way of telling ben that he’s willing to be a little vulnerable with him in a way he isn’t with the others.
