THAT SHELL WE CALL A BODY
Characters: Kaeya, Neuvillette, Ayato [blu bois] x [fat!/size neutral!fem!reader] Cw: discussion of weight and body, self image issues, suggestive (?) [maybe if you squint your eyes in Kaeya's part], descriptions of food (i'm so sorry, i just love ice-cream and as a lactose intolerant i just spend all summer daydreaming about it, I literally can't shut up about ice-cream for three months straight), vage mention of dieting. I hinted at this like two months ago, but the Neuvi part just didn't come through as I wanted it, after redoing it several times [and experiencing that first hand] I think I'm now satisfied. So basically you are feeling bad about your body due to different things and the bois comfort you A/N: bad English be aware. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓈𝑜𝑜𝑜 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝑒𝓇 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓉𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁. 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒷𝑜𝒹𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝒹𝑔𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎𝑒𝒹. 𝒻𝒶𝓉𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒸𝓇𝒾𝓅𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝒹𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒶𝓈𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓅𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒷𝒶𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓉.
𝓚𝓐𝓔Ⴘ𝓐
It had been years since you last enjoyed a bathing afternoon in Cider Lake followed by a relaxing nap in the Sun. That's how you would spend your childhood summers, splashing and running around in the rocky shore. That was until your teens where you started to become self-conscious about your looks, you didn't look like you "were supposed to", although you weren't too sure how you were even supposed to look.
When you managed to start dating Kaeya the self-loathing began to disappear because, if someone as him, the famous Calvary Captain no less, could love you so deeply, how could you be unlovable? Nevertheless, you tried to hide your body as much as possible and limit the intimacy with each other.
"Maybe if my thighs were smaller, and if I had a slim waist. If, if, if..." As every summer you stand in front of the bathroom mirror, inspecting your body from all angles, comparing with those pretty girls you saw in books and movies. Maybe there's something wrong with me, you had tried it all, exercise, diet, but nothing worked and just made your anxiety sky rocket which in turn made you gain the weight all back again.
"Hey, pretty" your boyfriend suddenly pops behind you snaking his arms around you and plants a kiss in your exposed shoulder.
"Don't say that" you grumble suddenly mortified by the image you two make, him, lean and tall, and you, a tiny and chubby.
"Why?" He kisses your other shoulder and stares into your reflection. "You are the prettiest girl I've ever seen."
"I can't believe you, I'm so fat and ugly and- " Kaeya cuts you off.
"You are adorable and you are so fucking soft" His eyes lock with yours through the mirror and he continues softening his serious tone. "You were literally made for me to hug, your thighs are the best pillow when I come home tired, not to mention how hot you look whenever you wear something short" He playfully pats your butt and you can't help but giggle.
"I do have a great ass" You say and he laughs kissing the side of your neck. "So you don't think I'm ugly, even though I don't look like those thin models and actresses?"
"Don't be silly you are much hotter with your soft curves and those legs, damn, I'd be the happiest man if I got to die of asphyxiation between them." He responds, dramatically placing a hand on his chest as if your words had mortally hurt him.
He hugs you again, tighter. "Now seriously, you are pretty, and hot and beautiful and I don't think any other woman in the world could compare to your beauty. And even if you don't believe me, let me tell you that there's no more perfect body for you than your own. And I love you, and I love every inch of you, it doesn't matter how it looks because it's you, and the people who really love you will see how gorgeous you are. And of course, what a great ass you have."
That is the little push you need, seeing the feral look in your boyfriend's eyes as he ogles you, the way his hands hold you with such care and his lips place ghost kisses along the curve of your neck.
"Do you fancy spending the evening in Cider Lake?" You ask softly.
𝓝𝓔𝓤𝓥𝓘ℒℒ𝓔𝑇𝑇𝓔
"Dearest, is something wrong?" Your boyfriend's voice wakes you up from your thoughts.
"Um, yeah, just thinking, that's all" You answer trying to act normally as if thousands of horrible insults to yourself weren't running through your mind in that same moment.
"So, do you want some ice-cream?"He inquires pointing towards the parlor’s poster displaying some of the most delicious sweets you've ever seen, ranging from mint and berries to an elaborate chocolate dessert with sugar sprinkles and cookies toppings.
Your right foot starts bouncing nervously as you shift your gaze around, avoiding Neuvillette's piercing gaze.
"No, I'll pass" You respond. That's probably one of the hardest things you've ever done. There's truly nothing like having a cold ice-cream under the scorching heat of Fontaine's summer strolling along the crowded streets of the capital. But you saw that woman's look, the woman next to the pharmacy, just in front of both of you, that look you knew all too well: "she shouldn't be out here eating more, that's the reason she looks like that". Sadly, one too many passing comments and dismissive looks from your family had made you recognize it from a young age.
Neuvillette gives you a quizzical look but doesn't push any further. He orders himself something you don't have the courage to look at and meanwhile you focus on his pretty hair, the way it reflects the sun in his high ponytail. Of course he had let you tie a ribbon for him before going out and you smile inwardly reliving the sweet moment.
Which is, of course, spoiled by that woman, staring intently from across the street. When you try to return her stare she just looks you up and down with a peculiar face, one you sadly also know. The look that says, "maybe if you were better, you would look better, like me."
The burning shame sets across your face, painting your features reddish. You feel so, so stupid, after all this time, you think, it shouldn't affect me like this.
"Neuvi, can we go home already? I think I'm getting a bit tired" You urge your boyfriend as soon as he gets his treat, starting to walk a few steps ahead him so he can't see your watery eyes.
"Of course, darling, do you want me to call a doctor? I happen to know..." His voice is usually reassuring and warm, but now the world is just too hot and your head spins with anger and sadness. You stop focusing on his words as you both walk home, him, still a step behind you and you, still containing your tears.
At home, your boyfriend grabs your hands before you get the chance to get away, leading you to the velvety blue couch in the living room.
"Hey, are you fine? You've been kind of distracted this afternoon." His tone is laced with concern.
"Yes Neuvi" But your answer does not convince him.
"Are you forgetting love that you talking to the Iudex of Fontaine? Not even the most expert criminals can lie to me, and you, love, aren't really good at lying."
"'M sorry Neuvi-"
"I don't want to press you to tell me something you don't want to tell me, but I just want to know if there is something I can do about it."
Those words just break the little self-control that maintains your tears at bay. They start rolling around your puffy cheeks as heavy droplets of rain. With a concerned look, Neuvi hugs you closer, reassuringly tracing circles in your back with his hand. I'm between sobs and hiccups you manage to explain the situation as best as you can.
"- it's just, I know it must sound stupid, but -"He shushes you cupping your face in his hands.
"Nothing my pretty lady sais is stupid, do you want me to get that rude woman in jail?"
"What? No!" You exclaim with a horrified look, "It's not that important."
"Well, it is, staring disrespectfully at others is an offense and you have feelings, feeling that have been hurt, feelings that very much matter to me. Nobody should look down others and that woman had no business judging whatever you were or weren't doing."
You huff "What are you going to do then, send everyone that looks at me like I'm thrash to jail?"
"Of course, nobody has the right to determine how you feel towards your body" He gets up more determined than before, "Now, does my pretty lady want an ice-cream" His look is so serious that you can't help but feel like you are in one of his trials, but nonetheless, you respond with an equally composed voice, albeit broken at the end by a little chuckle.
"I'd like that very much Sir Iudex of Fontaine."
𝓐Ⴘ𝓐𝑇𝓞
You can't do it, you can't, well, that annoying little voice in the back of your head keeps you saying that you can't, all because of that stupid summer gala your boyfriend Ayato had convinced you to attend.
It had all started last week, with a scented letter from one of the many upstanding noble women in Inazuma. Ayato had come into your shared bedroom at night, just as you were going to sleep, waving it around. He was so excited you just casually agreed to be his companion, after all, as he had said, you had been a couple for a long time now and you always had refused to attend to such events with him.
He got you a delicately embroidered kimono made with the finest of silks just to match his attire, an ornate fan imported from Liyue, even sparkling blue glass hair pins. All you could do was cry for days. And now, again, you walk around the empty tea room adjacent to your bedroom feeling like an stranger.
You look like an ugly thing pretending to be a pretty girl. That's what that little voice reminds you each time you catch a glimpse from your reflection on the vases.
You will ruin his reputation, what will people think when they see him with something like you?
"Is everything all right Lady?"Thoma's voice startles you and you stop your pacing to look at the man's concerned face.
You nod absentmindedly and offer a weak smile. Thoma seems skeptical, however, he bows and leaves you alone again with your thoughts until your inner monologue is disturbed again not too long after.
"Dear, may I come in?" Ayato's voice is heard following two soft knocks on the door.
"Yes, it was Thoma, wasn't it?" You ask a bit too dryly as the door peeks open.
"Yes, but-" Ayato stops dead in his tracks when his gaze falls upon you. "Oh Heavens, you look truly incredible. Why didn't you tell me you were trying your outfit on? I would've worn mine too. Though I'm afraid nobody will look at me with such beauty by my side."
"Don't laugh at me." You huff with a scornful look.
"I'm not." He looks positively puzzled at your words. "You are stunning."
You cross your arms and narrow your eyes at your boyfriend, "Well, I'm not sure I should go with you."
"Did I do something wrong? Is it the dress? I should have ordered something more luxurious, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe if-"
"No, no" You cut your boyfriend's panicked diatribe. "It's me." To that he truly looks dumbfounded. "Can't you see it? I look... not like you."
"What?" He tilts his head like some sort of confused puppy waiting for further instructions.
"I don't look thin and tall and imposing like you, I don't want others to judge you because of me" That wasn't entirely the truth, even if some high society folk spoke poorly about you, no one would dare to disrespect the Yashiro Commissioner. No, you just didn't measure up.
"That's not going to happen. Besides, it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks of you. Not even me." he gestures to himself "Although if you don't mind me saying, your curves look positively breath taking in this thin silk."
"I don't know if I believe you"
"Don't believe me, you don't have to like your body, but rather, see the value in what it offers."
He spins you around, the blue kimono shifting with your motions, one, two, three times, until you take his hand and begin dancing around the tea table. Now, the reflection of the vases depicts a lovely woman with a regal attire. Yes, she's chubby and soft, but that only makes her look more ethereal. And you realize a split second after that you are that woman.
Maybe you are just as beautiful as you boyfriend thinks, but even if you aren't, you are grateful to have a body that allows you to dance clumsily and with no music whatsoever in a tea room just before sunset.