#sj stuff

[tobermoriansass]

what term would you use in stead of person of colour, especially in white majority/dominant societies?

there is genuinely no good answer to this but i feel like referring to them from the specific group they're from is the best place to start. i don't mind BAME from the UK because again, its specific (black, asian, middle eastern). i personally use non-white to refer to the broad collective but that, i think, is another ymmv for a lot of people because it can veer into its own dehumanising thing. also like, tbh, the use of POC usually ends up being a weird cipher in white versus white fights that gets oddly alienating. but then white people also do that with specific identities too so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also, going to say this as gently as possible but sometimes i'm just a guy venting on this blog and i don't have the answers. if i'm not saying "do this instead" there's a good chance i don't have an answer. asking me a question like this was probably sent with great intentions, but it can be a bit pressuring sometimes (and also please remember, i am not a spokesperson for all non-white people and we disagree with each other frequently because there are no good solutions, like i said, to this particular conundrum)

EDIT: have been informed the ME in BAME is minority ethnic which is also ehhhh. Just call us non-white man.

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

here's my proposed solution to any and all activist guilt;

if you're already doing some sort of activism that is rewarding and sustainable for you, great, keep doing that. good job.

if you're not, and feel sad/guilty/anxious about that for whatever reason,

for one, you have no obligation to feel those feelings. your feelings do not help anyone, and they are harming you. if you have the ability to start letting those go, take a deep breath, and try to let them go. you do not need to feel those things. you are not a bad person if you stop feeling those things. give yourself space.

if that doesn't help,

pick an organization related to the cause you are sad/guilty/anxious about. decide an amount of money that is sustainable to you, and set up a recurring donation to that organization. if there's not an option low enough that is feasible for you to donate, set a reminder somewhere to donate once a month/year/whatever is available to you. $5 a year? excellent. great. that is helping.

whatever amount of money you can give is worth infinitely more than whatever difficult feelings you are having about that issue. give that $1 a month and let that resolve you of any and all guilt you have towards it. you are helping. cash donations are a huge help.

and if you really really don't have any money to spare comfortably (you do not need to spend money you need for necessities or small comforts on this),

pick a few organizations you feel are doing a lot of good, or else research a few if you aren't familiar with any, and make a semi-recurring post politely asking people to donate, and why you think it's a good idea. i'm sure this will move at least a few dollars towards that organization

and if you don't have the energy to research, or don't feel you have a big enough reach for it to be helpful (you do not need a very big reach for this), then listen,

if you don't have the ability to do anything to help, then you are by definition doing everything that you can to help. it's okay. read the wild geese poem and try to forgive yourself. it's okay. you don't need to take the weight of the world on your shoulders. other people are doing the work.

[spiralhigh]

i think a lot of people don’t understand what marginalized ppl mean when we say “i don’t care if you say [a slur you can’t reclaim] around me, i’m someone who can reclaim it and it doesn’t bother me”

i feel like a lot of ppl take this to mean “well my gay friend said it was okay for me to say the f slur, so i’m allowed to use it whenever i want now” when what we really mean is “i am not personally uncomfortable with hearing you say this word in a private space where we both know nobody means harm or is being hurt by it”

like... as a gay man, idc if my friends who can’t reclaim the f slur say it jokingly around me in private, yknow? it’s just never been something that bothers me.

but it would bother me if those same friends went on to say those things in a public space or on social media where someone could get hurt by it. and it would bother me more if they used me as their “gay friend who said it was okay”

[zenyattasperceptrons]

Something paradoxical you have to accept if you truly care and want to help people is that sometimes people are just plain not ready to leave a distressing situation yet and constantly asking how you can help make it "better" or help them take the action you Think they should take is sort of stressful and can induce guilt. Just ask if they need anything, and know that the best thing you can offer anyone in any situation is a listening and understanding ear (who will, of course, try to help with things they specifically ask for, if able)

[library-seraph]

while i’m complaining

the correct response to “joyless overcriticality” is not “smug uncriticality” and the amount of people on this website who have basically made “I never analyse anything I engage with AT ALL” into a badge of honour and a sign of maturity is honestly a little frightening

[nathanielbuildsatesseract]

Just realized the transgender/transsexual terminology debate is gonna heat up again once people can get CRISPR’d to have their chromosomes changed.

[brotherhoodofsteelofficial]

I'm glad the march for our lives ads are bringing angry pro gun commenters out of the woodwork so I can block them all

[rabbityshen]

sometimes i think an issue w/ a lot of lgbtq+ discourse is what can be an epiphany, even lifesaver, for one person can be a venue for both internalized and external bigotry for another.

for example, the promotion of sexual and gender fluidity can open a door of possibilities and freedom for someone. it can also allow someone to remain closeted as a tool of self-denial, or even be exploited for coercion. both of these experiences are real and deserve to be heard. the dissonance in outcome and feelings don’t make fluidity invalid, it just means fluidity is not a universal experience or answer.

and this doesn’t mean every single self-determination is Valid or healthy, because sometimes some people end up at some bad conclusions. like some really fucking bad conclusions. it’s just, people’s personal experiences are inherently unique and no one can read minds. sexuality and gender are complex ideas we all have to grapple with, while utilizing fairly limited tools under the stress of arbitrary, contradictory, deep-rooted oppression (which obviously isn’t necessarily experienced in the same way, even “limiting” it to heterosexism and cissexism) and varying levels of trauma. so people having feelings that are similar but arriving at different conclusions are not attacks on each other.

this sounds like a really long-winded way of saying “be open-minded and don’t dunk on experiences you don’t understand” but that applies not just to “[x] is real and valid” but also to “[x] can be harmful and perpetuate oppression.” critical thought is really valuable and people need to be open to the idea of their specific experiences and subsequent conclusions not being helpful to everyone, and can in fact hurt people when applied in broad brush strokes. just…be kind?