A COMPLETE INTERVIEW OF MY MUSE | LESLIE
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NAME? "Leslie Hoggarth...What a name, right?”
ARE YOU SINGLE? [Vaguely gestures to himself] “Are you serious?”
ARE YOU HAPPY? "Uh, I mean...” [Cue a so-so gesture] “Things could be better but, uh, I’m not one to complain...much.”
ARE YOU ANGRY? "Not really...I’m not a very angry person.”
ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? "Yeah. They’re too weird to split up, let’s be real. No one else could deal with them.”
NINE FACTS –
BIRTH PLACE? "The great city of Seattle.”
HAIR COLOR? "Okay, there’s been a debate on this; I’ve always said dirty blonde and then this kid keeps tellin’ me that’s basically a form of ginger so I’m just not sure...It’s, uh...like sand...color...?”
EYE COLOR? "Uh, like...blue...gray? Just...yeah-- someone once called it slate and that sounds kinda cool so let’s go with that. Officially.”
BIRTH DAY? "February 24! Pisces squad!”
MOOD? "What? Currently? Uh,” He pauses to look up at the sky. “Uh...h...hungry? A little hungry, yeah-- that’s my general mood next to fevered panic and horny.”
GENDER? "I’m of the male variety.”
SUMMER OR WINTER? "Summer...I mean, I burn up every damn day but winter is just...too cold.”
MORNING OR AFTERNOON? "Morning, I guess. That’s usually when I’m most productive and, uh, smart I guess.”
EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ? –
ARE YOU IN LOVE? "With every woman that looks my way and isn’t mean to me, yeah, sure.”
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? "Oh definitely. I’ll fall in love right now, watch me.”
WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? "It was...mutual, I guess? I mean she cheated so it’s really like...her going “yeah, you suck and I’m running off with this other guy” and me going “fair enough. have a nice life”.”
HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? "Can’t break something no one’s ever given you, ay.” Cue double finger guns.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? "Uh...I mean.” He thinks about marriage for a split second. “Uhhhh.”
HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? "Are you kidding? I haven’t hugged someone within the last year. Isolation for the win!”
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? “Again,” [vaguely gestures to himself] “Are you serious?”
HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? "My heart is held together with bubblegum and Scotch tape, thank you very much.”
SIX CHOICES –
LOVE OR LUST? "Uh, love...I guess...I think lust leads to just...well, like sex which is nice but eventually heartbreak, right?”
LEMONADE OR ICED TEA? "Uh, lemonade.”
CATS OR DOGS? "Both! What the hell, I love ‘em both, they’re so good!”
A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS? "Can I just get more than one friend? That’d be nice enough for me.”
A WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN? "I would love either but I don’t think either is gonna happen soon.”
DAY OR NIGHT? "Day ‘cause at night is usually when crime happens and I’d rather be sleeping, let’s be real.”
FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS –
BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT? "Nope. Mostly because I never really tried to sneak out-- where the hell would I go?”
FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS? "Many times! My brain is smart but my body is dumb as shit.”
WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? "Listen, my dude...you know that ache you get in your chest when you really want something and it’s always, always out of reach? That’s my general state of being. I have it right now as we speak. I’m slowly giving myself a heart condition.”
WANTED TO DISAPPEAR? "If I had the means to do so, you would never see me again, motherfucker. I would be GONE. Grow a mustache, run away from the IRS, change my name to Oswaldo and live my best life in Mozambique.”
FOUR PREFERENCES –
SMILE OR EYES? "Eyes...I’m a sucker for pretty eyes.”
SHORTER OR TALLER? "Uh, shorter...just because anyone taller than me immediately intimidates me.”
INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION? "Uh...well...maybe attraction just ‘cause...like no woman with an inkling of intelligence would be able to stand me, I think. Or so I’m told.”
HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP? "I will gladly take either but I mean....I’d like a relationship, please. Someone...please...”
FAMILY –
DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG? "Oh, yeah...me and my folks get along great...me and my cousins, however, will kill each other on sight, those bastards.”
WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE”? [Laughs loudly for fifteen minutes straight]
HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME? "Nah. Never had anywhere else to go, really-- plus my folks were the only nice people I knew so, just, yeah...”
HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT? "Nah. If it were up to my mom, I’d probably still be livin’ with them but that’s...weird.”
FRIENDS –
DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS? “I’m going out on a limb to say the number of business acquaintances I have are part of my friend group...and if that’s the case, uh no....I don’t hate anyone. A lot of ‘em hate me though.”
DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS TO BE GOOD FRIENDS? "Uh...I mean...I have like one friend and he’s pretty good so...yeah.”
WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? "Ryan!” | @stalkex
WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU? "Nobody. No one can know too much about me because then they’re gonna realize I’m pathetic and that can’t happen. Like, yeah, I realize anyone can deduce that just by lookin’ at me but like...yeah.”