Day 1: Foretold Pain
Written for Day 1: Foretold of @sjmxreaderweek
TOG Masterlist | SJM x Reader Week Masterlist | AO3
Lorcan x Reader
Summary: You're head over heels for one of the Queen's Cadre, and ignore your friend's warning about him.
Warnings: mild angst, allusions to smut
Words: 2k
Author's Note: I'm not too sure about this one but I'm posting it anyways. Just know that my brain was all foggy when I wrote it so if it doesn't make sense that's why lol
18+ only pls
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You bobbed your head to the music as you sipped your drink, only half-listening to your friends’ conversation around you. You’d been sitting in your anticipation for days, waiting for him to return from whatever journey he had been sent on. Of course, you had no true idea of when he would return to the City of Rivers, but you couldn’t help yourself - he was too addictive.
Your friends had obviously noticed your energy, shaking their heads whenever your head whipped to the entrance each time the door opened, hoping that he would be the one walking through. You bounced your leg, hoping to get some of your energy out.
The night dragged on, and you were on your second drink when the door opened wide, your head snapping to look at who had come through. The hulking frame and onyx hair had your heart racing, and the moment his eyes met yours you drained the rest of your drink and began to slide out of your seat.
“Hey,” Evaline said, her hand gripping your arm tightly. “Be careful with him. He’s only going to hurt you,” she warned, her brown eyes looking at you with pity.
“Oh, Ev,” you said with a roll of your eyes. “I’ll be fine, he’s been perfectly nice to me.”
She shrugged and loosened her grip enough for you to tug your arm away. “Just remember that I warned you.”
“Have a good night,” you said quickly before making your way across the crowded bar, right up to his side. “Hi.”
“Hello,” Lorcan said with a slight smile, softening the plains of his face. “Are you ready?”
You nodded enthusiastically. “More than.”
The two of you left the bar, walking back to your place that was only a couple of blocks away, your usual meeting place. His rooms were in the palace, and you’d never been in them before as Lorcan preferred to stay away from them when he could.
For half a year, you’d been entangled with him, seeing him whenever he returned to the city. And for half a year, you’d fought back your very real feelings, afraid of scaring him away if you were to confess. Lorcan wasn’t one for emotional talk, let alone the confession of feelings, and so you had tucked them away as deeply as you could. Still, they were there, lingering beneath the surface and threatening to bubble over each time you saw him.
Your home was warm when you came through the front door, a nice change from the chill that autumn had brought with it. Lorcan wrapped his arms around your middle from behind, his nose finding the crook of your neck.
“I missed you,” you sighed, your hands finding his and squeezing gently.
“Mm,” he hummed, tongue darting out against your skin and making you shiver. “Enough to show me your bedroom?”
You let out a soft laugh, leaning back into his touch. “Always.” Without warning, he scooped you into his arms, making his way to your bedroom. He set you on your bed gently, onyx eyes looking down at you hungrily. Your heart raced at the look, knowing what was to come.
He would undress you carefully, like you were a present for him to unwrap, then lower his mouth to your core. Only once you’d came would he enter you, bringing you more pleasure while taking his own. It was a dance you knew well at this point, the one you did every time you were with him.
And it never got old.
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“I can stay for a few days, this time,” Lorcan said softly, his voice rumbling through his chest. You smiled and tilted your head up from your place on his chest, looking at him with excitement.
“You can?”
“Mm. I thought you might be happy.”
“Very,” you said with a grin. “What’s the occasion?”
“Our queen thinks I need a break, and I won’t complain if I get to see you for longer.”
“Neither will I. Does that mean you’ll let me cook for you?”
Lorcan’s large hand ran across your back soothingly. “Unless we want to starve, yes. You know I enjoy your cooking.”
You did, but it was still nice to hear it sometimes. “Good. We can go to the market in the morning.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Lorcan said, squeezing you against his chest with his arm.
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The few days you spent with him were magical, to say the least. It felt like you were actually together, and like he enjoyed being together. It was more than sex now, you were sure of it.
He’d gone with you to the market, carrying your purchases without a complaint, and had even bought a flower from one of the little flower girls, tucking it behind your ear with a gentle hand.
You spent the rest of the time in your home, wrapped up in each other, snuggling and talking about everything and nothing. It was pure bliss, being with him.
Of course, it had come to an end when one of the others from his cadre, Prince Rowan, had come to fetch him from your home. You’d kissed him goodbye, telling him to find you when he was back in town. He’d simply nodded before disappearing into the crowd, off to serve your queen.
It was a month later, now, and a month of missing him always went by slowly. You waited and waited for him to return, hoping that he was safe and well.
You were just returning home when someone called out your name, making you whip your head in their direction, only to see Lorcan bounding towards you.
“Lorcan!” you exclaimed, dropping your groceries and throwing yourself against him. “I missed you so much.”
“I can see that,” he said with a chuckle, running his hands along your spine. You craned your head, pressing your lips to his. You couldn’t help the smile that crossed over your face at the mere sight of him, couldn’t help the joy fizzing in your chest.
“You’re home so soon.”
“It was a short mission, Y/N, and I thought I would come see you first,” he said with a half smile. “Will you let me in?”
“Oh, of course,” you said, blushing as you bent to pick up your things and open the door. “I’m glad you’re back, I’ve been dreadfully bored without you around.”
“I’m sure I can fix that,” Lorcan said lowly, his lips finding your neck in record time. You bit your lip as you forced yourself to move away from him, placing your groceries in the cold box before you forgot about them entirely.
“I’m sure you can,” you said once you were finished. “How long can you stay this time?” Secretly, you hoped that he wouldn’t need to leave again, though you knew that was near impossible.
“I’m not sure… I’ll know later, once I report to Maeve.”
You nodded, heart thumping loudly. He’d come to you first this time. “I hope it’s for a while, I thought of a few things for us to do.”
“Oh?” Lorcan asked with a raised brow. “Like what?”
You bit your lip, fighting the blush that threatened to overtake your face. “I heard of this shop that sells intimate items, it’s only recently opened up.”
“Intimate items, hm? And I suppose you’re more than ready to try a few of them out?” His arms were around you now, his height all the more obvious as he loomed over you. “If I have more than a few days in the city, I don’t see why we couldn’t go.”
You grinned up at him. “I thought you might be interested,” you said with a giggle. “But for now…” You tugged him into your bedroom, your free hand already undoing the laces of your dress.
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Lorcan had left at some time in the night, not even waking you to say goodbye. You woke with a frown when you found yourself alone in bed, but chalked it up to him needing to report to your queen sooner rather than later.
You should be happy that he even came to you first, after all.
You went about your day as normal, going to work and looking over your shoulder, hoping that he would appear at any moment and whisk you away.
But it didn’t happen.
All day you waited for him to return, and all day he didn’t. That night, you went to bed alone.
Perhaps Maeve had already sent him out again…
The thought broke your heart, that he wouldn’t so much as say goodbye before leaving the city. But perhaps he hadn’t had a choice, and was sent out without warning…
You sighed as you went about getting ready for the day, doing your routine as usual. Bathe, apply a few cosmetics, eat breakfast, head out the door. By the end of your shift, there was still no sign of Lorcan, and your heart sank even further.
You walked home slowly, not minding the rain pouring down. The cold of it shocked your system awake, bringing an awareness that you hadn’t had before.
Perhaps… Perhaps he didn’t want to say goodbye. Perhaps you were wrong about something being different about him, and that he would never want anything more than sex with you.
The longer you thought about it, the more foolish you felt. He had never changed, it was you. You’d fallen in love with a male that could never love you back, could never truly give himself to you when he already belonged to the queen.
Tears mixed with rain as you entered your home, wretched sobs tearing from you as you slid against the closed door, dropping to the floor.
He would never love you, would he?
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The next time Lorcan returned, you couldn’t force a smile on your face. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything. You opened your front door wider, letting him inside.
“It’s nice to see you,” he said, though you felt he was lying. Something was off about him, just as it was with you. When you didn’t say anything, merely stared at him, he said “We need to talk…”
“Are you ending this?” You gestured between the two of you.
Onyx eyes blinked down at you, surprise shining in them for only a moment. “Yes. I can’t… There is no future here, and I don’t want to hurt you any further.”
You nodded, resigned to your fate. “Why? Why start this at all?”
“I…” It looked like he was choking on his words, and you raised a brow. “I’d thought maybe you were different, but you’re not. You’re too attached.”
Too attached? That’s why you were being discarded?
“Well, excuse me for seeing a male that clearly doesn’t exist,” you said, anger bubbling up within you. “I’m sorry that I grew attached to the male that came to me every time he was in town, who seemed to be getting attached as well. But you could never truly be attached to someone, could you? Not with Maeve holding all of your heart in her hand.” You waited for him to respond, for him to say something. When he didn’t, you sighed. “You can leave now. No need to associate yourself with someone so attached.”
He looked as if he wanted to say something, but couldn’t get the words out. He turned to leave, saying the words that you had never heard him utter before. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” Lorcan left your house, walking into the rain outside.
Good. Let him get drenched walking back to that stupid palace, to his stupid queen that would always control his heart.
Your friend had been right. All he had done was built up your feelings for him, then smashed them to pieces.
You started packing that night. You wouldn’t wait around in this city, hoping to catch a glance of him or for him to change his mind. No, you would go somewhere that he would never find you, somewhere that you wouldn’t be haunted by him. Somewhere that you could be free.
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