"This is my apology."
pairing: fem!reader x hwang hyunjin | breakup au word count: 732 warnings: angst(?), cheating (mandatory note of i don't think hyunjin would be like this at all, this is purely fiction) synopsis: relationships break in college. networks: @ficscafe
do you ever just stop and think about how people perceive you?
how people feel when they see you.
how they value you.
and how they could ever love you one second and just discard you the next.
you look at hwang hyunjin from across the field, seeing him sling his arm over another girl it was the same action that he had done to you months prior— before he decided to get swept up in the freedom of university life.
maybe it was him, maybe it was you, but sooner or later you're bound to realize that not every relationship lasts. not every high school couple are blessed to be sweethearts forever.
definitely not you and hyunjin.
you know that life makes people drift apart from each other.
but why does it still hurt so much?
ever since you and hyunjin broke up a few semester in, you threw yourself to the life of social activities— and not the reclusive kind.
you partied, hard. you drank even though you've never had a single sip before— you drank so much that your body had built an inane tolerance in just a few months.
but the vibrant flashing leds, the migraine-inducing noise music, none of them were enough to drown out the sound of your beating heart. no amount of alcohol able to mask the pain that pierces through you whenever you see him making out with a different girl in every corner.
you had the right to blame him, you really did. especially when things had ended not so glamorously. just you walking into his dorm room one day to find him in the arms of another.
revolting, truly.
you make a beeline towards the bathroom, this was already a normal occurrence for you. you drink, see him with someone else, then proceed to vomit the contents of what you had just ingested prior.
it was messy and ugly, with no one but you to keep yourself up and hold the stray hairs away from your face.
but tonight, you felt a firm hand rake through your head, slightly massaging your temples before gathering your hair into one ponytail grabbed with their hand.
you turn, as slowly as you could as to not make your headache even worse.
"hyunjin?"
"having fun, y/n?"
you didn't bother asking, proceeding to just dry heave on the toilet instead of giving him the satisfaction of an interaction. it's been months, this was the first time he had ever talked to you since the breakup.
you attempted to swat his hands away but you were too far intoxicated to even muster up the tiniest bit of strength to do so.
"what are you doing?" you settled on asking.
"this is my apology."
"your apology for cheating on me is to hold my hair while i puke? real classy, hwang." you spat, tears brimming.
"you have to stop this, y/n."
"i don't know what you're talking about."
"if this is your way of healing yourself then it's not a good coping mechanism. you can't become like this just because of me. you're too good for that."
you scrunched your face in disgust, his words leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. "don't flatter yourself, not everything is about you. shouldn't you be with someone else now?"
"but i'm here because i still care about you, even if you don't listen, at least i'm able to say it."
you finally managed to clear your head, the sudden encounter spreading sobriety in your veins.
"leave me alone." you muttered, picking yourself up the cold bathroom tiles.
that was the first time hyunjin was able to get a good look on you. the way you let your hair flow, the shimmer of your tight midnight dress that barely covers your thighs, the way your makeup was ruined but it enhances a certain sultriness that he had never noticed before.
you were so so different now.
"you've changed so much."
"fuck off."
"i know i have too, and i'm sorry. you don't deserve any of that, all the blame is on me and my stupidity. but please, y/n, you have to move on— you're better than this." you pushed him away from your path, planting a glare that could kill.
"you've lost the right to talk to me ever since you started shoving your tongue down someone else's throat."