#slaughtyr

[ladyintree]

@slaughtyr sent [forehead]:  'placing a hand on the back of the receiver’s neck, the sender guides them close and rests their foreheads together.'

it's not fair to van for her to show up like this --- unannounced, impulsively, so many years after they'd seen each other last. worse, maybe, that tai didn't come here for her; she came here for herself, because everything feels so wrong, so out of her control, and there was only one person who could ever understand it before ( one person who had seen this other side of herself that was still, 25 years later, such a mystery to her, yet perhaps a friend to van. ) it's selfish, expecting van to drop everything to make space for her after all the time and all they've been through, but taissa couldn't be anywhere else. and despite everything, despite knowing it's wrong to feel this way, there's a sense of comfort between them that she hasn't found since she saw her last.

like feeling at peace, for the first time in a long time, despite knowing it can't possibly last. at least she can pretend for a moment.

so unwilling to admit to anyone how terrified she's been of the person she's become, the stress of the campaign bringing her back to a place she swore she'd done away with long, she was at a loss. her son taken from her, her wife hurt by her, all she really had now was the career she'd work so hard for --- but was it the win she thought it was if everything else was falling apart, along with the perception of herself she'd so carefully crafted? van was always a source of peace and clarity for her --- a source that tai no longer deserved nor was allowed, and yet here she is, unleashing all the truths she'd refused to admit even to herself until she got here.

how did she do that? van still knew exactly how to calm her down, a reminder of what tai lost ( what she knows she deserved to lose; van was always too good for her. ) she finally gives her what she wants, what van had always asked of her back then, but tai was always too stubborn to ask for herself: the truth. ❝ i need some fucking help, van. i can't keep doin' this shit. ❞   it's not the real help that simone has been begging her to get for weeks, though --- that kind of help still feels impossible, a loss of total control when she completely admits defeat. but this kind of help is what she's used to, what she's been missing, what she convinced herself long ago was all she needed. ❝ okay? okay, you're right, that's what i came here for. i need your help. ❞

[r0undtree]

there's  an  enjoyable  buzzing  settling  across  his  body,  still  a  couple  of  drinks  in  but  skirting  the  line  of  what  should  be  considered  prudent,  a  definition  that  tends  to  become  blurry  in  places  like  that.  own  thoughts  are  clouded,  fighting  against  the  alcohol  consumed  and  the  couple  of  bumps  done  alongside  warren,  graham  and  karen  in  the  sketchy  bathroom.  now  that  he  thinks  about  it,  he's  not  sure  where  any  of  them  went.  it  doesn't  seem  to  matter,  because  camila  is  in  front  of  him  talking,  and  eddie's  pretending  to  listen,  despite how  own  mind  keeps  getting  sidetracked  about  how  beautiful  she  looks,  even  under  dim  lighting.  it  feels  like  fighting  against  the  current  whenever  she  comes  closer  and  eddie  has  to  act  like  he's  not  imagining  coming  even  closer.  

prompt  :  [    taunt    ]  sender  is  taunting  receiver,  slowly  moving  in  closer  to  their  lips  with  no  intention  of  kissing  them,  to  see  how  far  they’re  willing  to  go.  

the closeness is  enough  for  eddie  to  smell  her  perfume,  to  count  the  freckles  that  rest  on  her  cheekbones  and  the  bridge  of  her  nose,  that  grow  more  visible  whenever  there's  warm  weather.  ever  since  moving  to  california,  he  has  noticed  them  more  and  more.  after  so  many  years  of  friendship,  there's  not  a  side  of  her  that  doesn't  feel  familiar  to  him.  he  knows  how  it  feels  when  camila  moves  closer  to  give  him  a  hug,  to  whisper  a  secret  to  his  ear.  and  now,  the  closeness  between  them  feels  charged.  “  cami ...  ”  voice  is  cautious,  breathing erratic. her name sounds like a question.  she  feels  magnetic,  and  eddie  finds  himself  helplessly  pulled  into  her  orbit.  he  wonders  how  it  would  feel  like  to  push  himself  a  little  further  and  kiss  her,  yet  just  as  quickly,  the  thought  is  gone,  replaced  by  a  sense  of  confusion  that  feels  upsetting.  “  i  think  you  might  be  drunk.  ”  it's  easier  to  pass  it  off  as  a  joke,  because  the  other  option  is  too  hurtful  to  even  think  about.  to  think  about  camila  taking  advantage  of  his  feelings  (  has  he  really  been  that  obvious  ?  has she known this whole time  ?  )  for  what,  some  sort  of  entertainment  ?  eddie  feels  obligated  to  divert  his  gaze,  taking  a  step  away  even  when  he  doesn't  really  want  to.  “  where's  billy  ?  ” ( @slaughtyr )

[doomdays]

it's been days, but akilah's hands still tremble from stitching. five years ago, it was her in that position, watching as her girl scout troop leader did the emergency stitching on her own arm after a hiking excursion gone wrong -- but she was experienced, had the proper resources, and was steady. she can't get van's screams out of her head now, thoughts blurried so much that she's convinced herself she did a bad job ( better you than misty, mari had said, but that doesn't wash away akilah's fears, doesn't make the ringing stop quiet or the shaking stop. )

van seems to have kept to herself, while the rest of the cabin is more somber than ever at their failure to find an exit, but her mind only bounces between van and the wolves, refusing to think too far ahead -- optimism hasn't done them much good as is. as akilah moves closer, she wonders if @slaughtyr would prefer to be alone; she knows if it were her in that position, she would, but leaving it alone doesn't feel right. she's too uneasy, needs some kind of confirmation that van is still okay --- the wolves didn't win, but the wilderness might have.

❝  hi. ❞ her voice is quiet, like she's afraid to take up too much space. ' are you okay ' comes to mind first, but there's no way any of them are okay right now, especially after any last bit of hope had diminished. ❝  i brought you some water. ❞ she sets it next to her, and it feels like some excuse, so she urges herself to go on. ❝  i just wanted to check on you. you don't have to tell me how you are, okay, i know, what a stupid question anyway, but --- i just wanted to say, if you need any help, can you just let me know? i know i kind of had to, like, make everything worse before it got better, but i'm here. if you need me. ❞ she's desperate to find something light to cheer her up, the way van always does to everyone else, and she remembers mari's words. ❝  you know, better me than misty, ❞ she says, forcing a small smile.   

[ofaither]

୨୧˚♡* ♱    starter call, accepting.    ( @slaughtyr​ )

                "  we  used  to  be  good.  "    she  sobs  into  her  hands,  the  first  thing  she's  felt  in  weeks  besides  numbness,  blistering  cold.  and  it's  this.  some  wild  thing  thrashing  in  her.  she  begs  it  to  stop,  to  quiet,  to  sleep.  sleep  like  jackie,  gone  into  a  cold  winters  night.    "  we  used  to  be  good-  we're  sinners,  we're  hungry,  i  see  it  every  night,  ever  since-  ever  since-  "    javi  gone,  misty's  mushrooms,  a  downpour  of  hellfire  from  the  sky.  she  talks  to  Him,  every  night,  but  nothing  since  then.  it's  like  ...  He's  gone.  but  it's  thoughts  like  those  that  keep  them  here.  it's  her  that  keeps  them  here.  her  throat  aches,  peels  like  dried  paint  and  cracks  like  forgotten  wood.  when  was  the  last  time  she'd  spoken?  to  anyone?  maybe  she  had  fallen  asleep  like  jackie,  like  javi.  somewhere  deep  in  the  snow  and  they'd  all  forgotten.    "  what's  wrong  with  us?  "

[noraqrey]

@slaughtyr → FROM ISAAC : prompt ↳ “ are you even listening to me? ”

though silent she was, his words were still reaching her ears. his concerns, his considerations, his apprehensions. isaac wasn't wrong, in fact everything he was uttering was sound in theory --- nora just couldn't see any other options, even though he was laying them out before her. they just didn't have the time to play it safe.

a quiet sigh passed her lips before bringing gaze to him. ❛ ❛ yes, isaac, i am. ❜ ❜ a soft beat, head tilting to the side in consideration. ❛ ❛ but we don't have the time to talk it over. ❜ ❜

[fe4r5]

" sam , we've been looking for hours -- at what point do we call it , @slaughtyr ? "

[smvggled]

⤷ @slaughtyr +  apocalypse prompts  ( accepting. )   ──      “ i’ll keep watch tonight. you try and get some sleep, okay? “ from joel :o

she's never liked camping out in the woods. even in the cover of nightfall, surrounded by nothing but nature as far as the eye can see, it feels far too exposed for her liking. it always has. but in their line of work, you do what you have to. and make no mistake ──  distaste does not equate to fear. she does not fear. not anymore. after all these years, they've got every possible messy scenario imaginable down to a science. there's nothing they can't handle.

her gaze lifts above the glow of the fire to study him as he speaks. he looks visibly exhausted, even in the soft light. " you were up early this morning. you get a few hours in ──  i've got it covered. "

[doomdays]

trish's words make her feel smaller,  not because she's trying to put her down -- but because she's right,  and the way her arms cling around her books even more only proves that.  her eyes look down at the floor,  and she takes a deep breath before she nods her head and looks back to her.  ❝  yeah,  ❞   she finally mumbles,  because there's some freedom in resonating with another person -- freedom in being able to show @slaughtyr that she isn't alone in that,  either.   ❝  guess i've kind of accepted that it's going to be that way. ❞   she's tried to get help,  tried to get anyone to listen to her -- but it never goes anywhere.  she's afraid,  of her sleep,  of the world around her,  of herself,  and she's accepted that life,  in whatever way she can.

she offers a small smile,  because it's what she's always seeking:  not just a friend,  but guidance from another,  someone to make her feel like she isn't lost  (  even for something as simple as skipping class, she's not sure she can do that on her own, either..  )    as she starts to walk with her,  her eyes dart ahead,  then carefully back to trish.    ❝   do you . . . do this a lot?  i wouldn't even know where to go. it's probably dumb, but --- i don't know, i'm always scared of getting in trouble. ❞