#sleep cooking

[evilhorse]

We all came out rough.

(Uncanny X-Men Volume 6 #18)

[imdoingwhateverisnext]

Paper Sandwiches

My friend used to sleepwalk and sleep cook. The dishes she would make were weird and amazing. One night she used two pieces of bologna for bread and used an appliance manual as the "meat" for the middle. When she woke up, she told me she had obviously taken a bite out of it because she could see the scraping teeth marks in the paper of the fry daddy manual. She noticed there were tiny bits of torn paper all over the counter from where she had tried to shape the rectangle stapled manual into a circle so it would fit between two slices of "bread" (bologna) symmetrically.

One night she woke up to the remnants of a dry ramen sandwich (she was a sandwich lady apparently). The composition was a block of dry ramen noodles, between two slices of bread with the seasoning pack sprinkled on top. She did not forget the mayonnaise.

On a different occasion, she had a ham bone with no meat left on it. She propped it up with a plastic container of garlic seasoning, a plastic container of Italian seasoning, and she then draped two uncooked pieces of bacon over the bone. One was near the Italian seasoning and one was near the garlic seasoning. This particular display was on the stove top and was on a pan as if it were going to go in the oven. Luckily, she did not preheat it.

I realized at this time, her sleep cooking was probably more about presentation than taste. It seemed as though there was an unconscious regard to everything she did, and placement was important. Every item had to be in its bizarre and "perfect" place. For example, as far as I know, the paper sandwich was the only item she ever attempted to eat.

Her husband threatened to either handcuff her to the bed at night or keep the stove unplugged to "keep her from burning down the house". Fortunately, no harm came to anyone in the home and it is still standing. This activity eventually stopped.

The only thing remaining of this activity were a few weird stories, some wasted food, and these memories that still make me laugh today. However, I am fond of weird stuff.

[yes-this-is-not-ok]

Weird Story Time

Sometimes I have been known to talk in my sleep, and very rarely sleep walk. It is usually when I am in a strange place or weird situation. This brings me to last night. 

I started waking up slowly to the sound of a faint alarm or something and I didn’t recognize it. As I started getting more and more awake I realize I am not in my bed and definitely not even inside the house. I was sitting in one of my patio chairs on the balcony and the patio door was open. I could still hear this faint alarm and in my confusion could not figure out what it was. I made my way in the house and realized it was the timer for the stove and I hear something on the stove. I walk into the kitchen to see that I had made hard boiled eggs, that were now done. I also fed the cats. It was 1am.  

[inomniaparatus17]

I had a dream last night that I was cooking, and apparently my subconscious is Julia Child because that was an awesome recipe that I'm going to consciously attempt today.

[covrus]

I had a dream where i woke up and baked cookies in the dead of night. Lo and behold this morning i wake up to my dad yelling about why the fuck are there biscuits and flour all over the bench.

[mindlessdoubletalk]

I'm getting a craving to use the big knife