#104 D.I.A.R.Y.
PREMISE: D.I.A.R.Y. is the world’s most exclusive and secretive private security firm, with the most elite clientele. Founded by a cabal of ex-NYPD detectives, D.I.A.R.Y. pulls together security, encryption, and surveillance experts to do just one thing: protect the diaries, notebooks, and journals of the most powerful people in the world. D.I.A.R.Y. (Department for Interdicting Access to Recorded Yesterdays) ensures that your doodles, private thoughts, and what your signature would look like if you and your crush got married and you took their name, remain secret. It may be expensive to hire D.I.A.R.Y., but they never peek at what you’ve written or tell you that diaries are dumb and for babies. CHARACTERS: Slobodan Hendrix, with his distinctive mustache and burly arms, is the heart and soul of D.I.A.R.Y. He’s a tough, former SWAT member who pushes the law to the limit in his quest to protect diaries. He’ll do everything short of “throwing the book at ‘em,” since the whole point of his job is to keep books out of the wrong hands. Hendrix also has a diary of his own, in which he writes poems--though he won’t let anyone see them because they’re just “drafts or whatever.” Tina Gao is the squad’s tech expert, a former safe cracker who was given the choice between going to prison, or using her skills as a member of D.I.A.R.Y. She has extensive knowledge of tiny little locks, invisible inks, and backwards writing. Her most audacious technique for foiling would-be snoopers and thieves is to hide diaries in plain sight, on a bookcase among other books. She also excels at writing “DO NOT READ” on marble composition books. NOTABLE EPISODE: Someone’s been peeking into former President George H.W. Bush’s Burn Book. Fearing that the snoopers are Democratic operatives seeking an edge in the 2016 campaign, the 41st President enlists D.I.A.R.Y. to crack the case. They set up an overnight sting in the Bush’s Texas mansion, but it turns that it was just Jeb. He was trying to figure out if his dad thinks he’s cool or not (S02.E17 -- “Burning Bush’s Burning Book”). CATCHPHRASE: “Hey don’t read that!” / “Someone’s been leafing...and I don’t mean a tree.” TRIVIA/MISCELLANY: D.I.A.R.Y. should not be confused with D.A.I.R.Y., a police procedural set in Wisconsin.