#smiffart

[notquiteaghost]

you ever go back through your camera roll and discover an abandoned attempt by the universe to do something thematic with imagery?

[notquiteaghost]

— the schedule of loss, emily barage

(text is blurry on purpose)

[notquiteaghost]

[ID: digital collage of the same faded receipt, tiled four times. over the receipts is a poem in red lower case, poem text: a teenager is a pile of bad ideas held together / with feelings like flashbangs and i / couldn't stop writing about teeth, baring my teeth, / sharp and snarling, anger my grindstone / and my blade and of course it couldn't last. // there's only so long you can grind something / to a point. burnout, my twitter feed tells me, / is a state of overworking. i don't have anything / to show for this pile of ash. no amount of rest / can grow back my teeth. there's rot in my molars. // it hurts just to eat. i lie still anyway, like it'll help. / i haven't been to the dentist since i / turned eighteen and it stopped being free. / they won't take the ash. they won't take the snarling. // i used to rage so much it ached, / bright enough to see from miles away. i spit out / another molar splinter. inertia, that's the word. /end ID]

sometimes u dont have access to a printer so u make a journal page in ms paint instead

[notquiteaghost]

nobody in this house wants to own up to the truth

[notquiteaghost]

[ID: three photos of a page from 'harry potter & the order of the phoenix'. a single instance of the word 'trans' has been highlighted with a thick black outline; the photos show the rest of the page being slowly painted completely black, covering all other text, /end ID]

making progress on my latest project

[notquiteaghost]

i despise taking journal photos! i have so many feelings about cas!

[notquiteaghost]

new therapist officially endorses this mess. im coping!

image descriptions:

four photos of five pages of my art journal. first page has a painted black shape covering most of it, vaguely rectangle and rough at the edges, overlaid with a solid yellow rectangle. on the rectangle is a poem, made from snippets of small text cut out of a pamphlet, which reads "all these things eating at you. / , of course, / A persistent unease // a nightmare. / contains a truth. / things go horribly wrong / there must be suffering / darkness evil decay and death. // "When you scream / nothing comes out."

second page is covered almost entirely with a piece of greaseproof paper, on which are drawn six ghosts of varying sizes. the space around the ghosts is painted over with white, and through the ghosts small handwritten text is visible but not legible.

third page is coloured all in black with marker, except for a large ghost-shaped cut-out that reveals the word 'nothing' stamped over and over, once per line. next to the ghost is a poem, made from snippets of small text cut out of a pamphlet, which reads "nothing is more fatal than / the fear of sharp relief / you succumb to it. / feed the hand that bites"

last photo is a two-page spread. both pages are coloured all in black with marker. first page has two photos, of a person's face manipulated into swirling shapes so as to be barely recognisable as a face. over the first photo, in white all caps foam stickers, text reads "i'll survive because i must". over the second photo, text using same stickers reads "i'm insane! i'm surviving!". second page has two more photos of the same manipulated face, but these are more clear; the left photo has a defined jaw line, the right has an unmanipulated eye. over the entire page is small handwritten text in white all caps, which isn’t meant to be readable besides the bolded repeated uses of 'survive', 'i'll survive', and 'i'm surviving'. end ID.

[runneldog]

I hate so many things about this but i fucking tried fam.

this is what happens when I don’t draw for months cause I’m a depressed sack of shit.

Oh well, 

@boyvidae