#snklists

[snklists]

Eren’s Bucket List

The idea for this list is based off a post made by bleachlists.

As you all may be aware, the Attack on Titan universe is a dangerous place. Sure, its no Game of Thrones, but the mortality rates are still pretty damn high. Isayama has also proven that he is perfectly fine with killing off beloved characters. *cough*Marco*cough*

So let’s pretend that Eren suddenly became aware of the fact that him being the main character does not in fact give him plot armor against a horrible death. What would he like to do before he kicks the bucket?

1. Find out what the hell is in the basement

 To be fair, this one would probably make several of the characters, as well as most of the fandom’s, bucket lists. And while he’s at it, maybe get to the bottom of all the other mysteries Isayama has created, such as the ape titan.

 Hanji: Eren, we finnaly managed to make it to the Shiganshina district and...

 Hanji: The basement is just an empty room.

 Eren: ...

 Eren: *high-pitched screech*

 Fandom: *high-pitched screech*

2. Get to glimpse the ocean.

 One of his childhood dreams.

 Armin: Well Eren according to my calculations there is no way we’ll actually get to the ocean without getting ripped apart, so here is a kiddie pool with a blue screen behind it! Now if you’ll just squat down so that the water looks as vast as possible, and I’ll make some wave noises.

 Eren: ...

 Eren: Thanks, man.

3. Wrap the scarf around Mikasa one last time.

 Because a promise is a promise.

 Jean: Jaeger, hold on! Just stay alive until those freak regeneration powers of your kick in, dammit!

 Eren: *shallow breathing* I’m sorry, guys. This is the end of the line for me...

 Mikasa: Eren, don’t say that-

 Eren: No,Mikasa, there’s no time, I need you to listen to me. Come here.

 Mikasa: Yes, of course.

 Eren: Good. Now kneel down. *makes constipated face*

 Mikasa: Eren, what are you- 

 Eren: Well, my arms are sort of gone, so I’m trying to use the force to tie the scarf around you one last time. 

 Mikasa: ... 

 Mikasa: If you weren’t dying right now, I would fucking kill you.

4. See Jean dressed up as a horse.

 Now this would be hard to achieve, but I can think of one way.

 Eren: *coughs up blood* Jean... I have one final request for you too...

 Jean: Please tell me it’s not something weird like with Mikas- I mean sure, man, anything.

 Eren: *produces horse mask out of thin air*

 Eren: I need you to wear this for me,Jean.

Jean: Jaeger, there is no way in hell-

 Eren: Please, there’s no time..

 Jean: *reluctantly puts on mask*

 Eren: NAHAHAHA I GOT YOU GUYS GOOD THERE DIDN’T I! MAN JEAN I MUST SAY I CANT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE MASK AND YOUR NORMAL FACE

 Eren: I WILL PAY YOU TO NEIGH RIGHT NOW

 Jean: Mikasa, do you want to kill him or should I?

5. Be an organ donor

 In case his whole 'save everyone' plan doesn't pan out, Eren still wants to help others. And considering his regenerative powers, he could at least donate a limb or a organ or something to another unfortunate survey corps member.

Hanji: Eren, you realise we don't have the technology for this yet.

Eren: Well, you have a perfectly good research subject right here.

Hanji: I like the way you think.

6. Get to talk to his mom again.

 This is more of a general hope than anything he actually hopes to achieve.

 Carla: Eren! You've gotten so big!

 Eren: Mom!

 Carla: Have you been taking care of Mikasa?

 Eren: Yes, of course! Eh... mostly...

 Carla: ...

 Carla:  EREN JAEGER WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU TRIED TO SQUISH HER LIKE A BUG

7. Eat a decent meal.

 What with the suvey corps meals of thin soup and stale bread as well as all the kidnapping and hiding thats been going on, the 104th squad hasn't really been getting a very varied diet.

 Eren: Man, this is so good! Sasha, what is it?

 Sasha: It's something called bacon! I got it from the commanders supply closet.

 Eren: I am going to die a happy man.

8. Touch Erwins eyebrows.

 Are they eyebrow toupes? Caterpillars that colonize people's faces like some horrible eyebrow parasites? Actual wings that will propel him off the ground in extreme situations?

 Erwin: Eren, for your great contributions to humanity, I will grant you any one wish, as long as it is within my power.

 Eren: I want to touch your eyebrows, please.

 Erwin: Um, alright.

 Eren: *reaches forward with trembling fingers and touches an eyebrow*

 104th squad: *waits with baited breath*

 Eren: ...

 Eren:...

 Eren: I think I just had an epiphany.

[snklists]

Attack on Titan characters react to their fandom selves!

As people in the SnK fandom may have noticed, we sometimes tend to dumb character’s personality traits down to only a basic few, sometimes for humorous purposes. Basically, here are my interpretations of the exaggerated versions of the out-of-character Attack on Titan cast as invented by the fandom, as well as how the actual canon characters might react to their other selves!

1. Fandom Marco meets canon Marco

 (C)Marco: ...

 (C)Marco: I appreciate that my personality is probably the one that’s been changed the least out of the ones on this list, but this fandom seems to have a really hard time grasping the fact that I am in fact canonically dead.

 (C) Marco: Half my body was gone, guys. Accept it.

2. (Fandom) French, fancy Levi meets canon Levi.

 (F) Levi: Hon hon hon,shall we adjourn to the salon, my beloved?

 (C) Levi: ...

 (C) Levi: What the actual titan shit happened here

 (C) Levi: Also apparently being humanity’s strongest means having no muscles whatsoever.

3. (Fandom) Crazy Hanji with a titan-fetish meets canon Hanji

 (F) Hanji: Ahahaha let me lick your arm, Eren! Ahahaha I’m going to dissect you now!!

 (C) Hanji: ...

 (C) Hanji: I am afraid that you are a health hazard and must be terminated.

 (C) Hanji: Although this concept of alter egos is very intriguing... I might just dissect you afterwards.

 (F) Hanji : AHAHAA DISSECT HEE HEE HEE

 (C) Hanji: ... Dammit

4. (Fandom) Angry Eren meets canon Eren

 (F) Eren: RAAAGH KILL ALL THE TITANS

 (C) Eren: Ok it feels really weird to say this to myself, but dude

 (C) Eren: I’m just trying to protect the people I care about. I don’t know what it is you’re up to, but you seriously need to chill

5. (Fandom) Un-feeling, cold Mikasa who is obsessed with Eren meets canon Mikasa

 (F) Mikasa: My speciality lies in the slicing of meat. And also in Eren. Eat your vegetables, Eren. Shower regularly, Eren. Never leave my side, Eren. Where are you going , Eren.

 (C) Mikasa: *repulsed look*

6. (Fandom) Food-obsessed Sasha meets canon Sasha

 (F) Sasha: HEEHEE GIVE ME POTATO CONNIE YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE POTATO IMMA STICK IT IN MY MOUTH

 (C) Sasha: As someone who literally fended off a titan with nothing but a bow and arrow I must say I’m kind of insulted.

7. (Fandom) Screaming/crazed genius Armin meets canon Armin

 (F) Armin: *shrill screaming* IF THIS TACTIC WORKS THEN THAT MEANS I’M NOT COMPLETELY WORTHLESS AAAHHHHH

 (C) Armin: ...

 (C) Armin: What. Just what.

8. Fandom Jean meets canon Jean.

 (C) Jean: Well at least you don’t have a crazed gleam in your eyes that’s a good sign-

 (F) Jean: *puts on horse mask*

 (F) Jean: *neighs*

 (C) Jean: Ok guys it’s starting to hurt a bit

[snklists]

Attack on Titan characters as mythical creatures!

1. Levi-Basilisk

What mythical beast better suits him than one whose gaze will petrify at best and kill if you’re not careful?

Connie: Check it out, corporal! I finally finished cleaning the dining hall!

Levi: *cold stare*

Connie: *muffled shrill screaming whilst hurriedly grabbing a mop and attacking the floor with it*

2. Eren- Werewolf

Werewolves are men that transform into wolves when the moon is full. Eren has just as much control over his transformation as one, anyway.

Armin: Not to mention, you get some serious fabulous hair growth!

3. Annie- Shapeshifter

Shapeshifters are traditionally people that can transform into animals yet still be able to retain their own minds while doing so, and Annie is just so much better at this whole controlling yourself while you transform thing than Eren.

Eren: Well, that doesn’t matter, since I always have friends to restrain me when I go crazy!

Eren: Even though I might have accidentally almost killed them a few times!

Annie: Case in point.

4. Jean- Minotaur

A minotaur is a mythical creature from Ancient Greece that has the head of a bull and the body of a man. You might wonder why I didn’t go with centaur for this one. But frankly, I just feel that his face looks a lot more like that of a bull than his lower body and a horses.

Jean: ... I don’t know whether to be happy or annoyed.

5. Krista- Syren

A beautiful maiden that sits on rocks and enchants sailors with song at first glance, with a dark secret being the fact that she will tear you apart and kill you brutally? Hell yeah!

Hanji: Also, they don’t seem to conform to heterosexual attraction, if you catch my drift

Ymir: What

Krista: What

Hanji: What

6. Erwin- Hydra

The hydra grows two heads for each that is cut off. Erwin got his arm bitten off, but came back twice as strong and overthrew the government!

Hanji: There’s also a point to be made about the whole many heads-many brains- Erwin is a strategic genius thing.

7. Mikasa- Cerberus

Cerberus is the immortal three-headed dog that guard the entrance to Hades. He incidentally also has black fur!

Eren: Are you implying that I am literally hell?

Armin: To be fair, Mikasa protects a lot of people! Isn’t that right, Mikasa?

Mikasa: ... Hades is filled by the many souls of eternal damnation.

Armin: That’s the spirit!

Jean: I’d like to think that Cerberus has a red collar!

Mikasa: What is that supposed to refer to

Jean: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

[snklists]

Attack on Titan characters! Levi is actually 60 years old! Reactions?

As we all know, Isayama has always been very secretive about Levi’s age. However, he did mention in an interview that Levi is a bit older than thirty. But if we pretend that that never happened, and it was at some point dramatically revealed that Levi is 60, how would the SnK cast react?

Eren: WHAT

Jean: WHAT

Connie: WHAT

Erwin: What, you guys didn’t know?

Eren: APPARENTLY NOT

Jean: Does that mean he’s like the oldest person in the survey corps?

Armin: I should think so, or at least among the people that still go on missions outside the walls.

Ymir: I must say, he has moves for such an old man

Hanji: Yeah, I wonder what his secret is. 

Hanji: .... I wonder how much I’d have to bribe him to dissect his body later.

Eren: But he can’t be younger than commander Pixis, right? I mean, he’s only like...

Eren: OK WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OLD PEOPLE IN THE MILITARY

Reiner: Yeah, isn’t there a retirement age or something?

Bertholdt: I think that’s just something they can’t afford , considering the rather high mortality rates we have.

Bertholdt: Although I’m sure the corporal is going to get an excellent pension some day!

Mikasa: I feel that the fact that humanity’s strongest is a 60 year old man says a lot about the situation we’re in right now

Connie: But I mean as shocked as I am I must say it sort of makes sense.

Sasha: Yeah! That cravat? So 1660!

Connie: ... I think we need to revisit your math skills.

Eren: Wait so all the times the fans were shipping him with us cadets he was actually

Eren: Okay that’s a bit disturbing.

Hanji: And he might be making all those shit jokes ironically

Hanji: Because you know

Hanji: Old people

:Hanji: Bowel movements

Petra: .... I did not need that mental image thank you very much. 

Armin: That might also explain his tea addiction

Jean: Do you think he knits in secret?

Levi: What is going on here

Hanji: Oh, Levi! Do you want some tea?

Connie: Y-yeah, corporal! Sit down on this chair, rest a bit!

Levi: Why

Connie: N-no reason!

Levi: ...

Levi: Alright who told them

[snklists]

100 followers?!

Wow, guys! Milestone! Happiness! Confetti!

Thanks so much for the support!

(btw requests are open)

[snklists]

Survey Corps in... Hoe don’t do it

As you guys might be aware, there has been a meme going around the past few days which basically involves someone almost doing or insinuating something bad, another saying ‘hoe don’t do it’, person A doing the thing, followed by person B going ‘oh my god.’ So how would this meme work with the Survey Corps?

May contain spoilers for the anime

1. Sasha and Mikasa

  Mikasa: Sasha, do you want my bread?

  Sasha: hoe don’t do it

  Mikasa: *eats bread*

  Sasha: oh my god

2. Hanji and Moblit

  Hanji: *sticks head within half a metre of a titan*

  Moblit: hoe don’t do it

  Hanji: *almost gets head bitten off*

  Moblit: oh my god

3. Eren and Petra

  Eren: *raises hand towards mouth with an angsty expression whilst in some kind of life or death situation*

  Petra: hoe don’t do it

  Eren: *turns into a titan*

  Petra: oh my god

4. Fandom and Jean

  Jean: *looks at Eren with slightly tilted head and widened eyes*

  Fandom: hoe don’t do it

  Jean: What is it Eren

  Fandom: oh my god

5. Isayama and Fandom

  Isayama: *gives character depth and points of interest and potential attachment*

  Fandom: hoe don’t do it

  Isayama: *kills character off in some gruesome way*

  Fandom: oh my god

6. Bertholdt and Reiner

  Reiner: Eren, *determined look*

  Bertholdt: hoe don’t do it

  Reiner: We’re the colossal and armored titans.

  Bertholdt: oh my god

7. Survey corps and the king

  King: *exists*

  Survey Corps: hoe don’t do it

  King: *willingly sacrifices 1/3 of what remains of mankind, is controlled like a puppet by advisors, subjects own people to starvation, let’s the whole government go corrupt, almost entirely cut off what might very well be humanity’s best shot at defeating the titans*

  Survey Corps: oh my god

[snklists]

Attack on Titan characters in a zombie apocalypse!

1. First to die: Marco

 I regret nothing

2. Scout: Sasha

  It doesn't even matter if she's caught- Sasha has a tendency to get competitive over eating.

  Sasha: YOU WANNA EAT MY BRAIN

  Sasha: WELL YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH MY MOUTH TO DO IT AND TRUST ME IM NOT LETTING YOU OUTTA THERE

  Sasha: Wait that came out weird

3. Mascot: Bean

  Hanji insisted

  Hanji: Don't be sad, Sawney! You get a big part too!

4. Second to die: Sawney

  Turns out titans can also be infected with zombie virus. He had to be put down.

  Levi: It had to be done.

  Hanji: mY BABY LEVI YOU MONSTER

  Levi: ... He was literally trying to eat both your brain and your other body parts how is that a good combination

  Levi: If it makes you feel any better, you can disect him after this is all over, since the zombie virus may have taken away his corpse's ability to disintegrate.

  Hanji: ... You make some good points!

5. Medic: Krista

  Nominated by an overwhelming majority.

  Reiner: Krista, I think I may have ben bitten!

  Krista: Oh no! I think I'll just get some bandages and-

  Ymir: Nope sorry it's too late for you man you've got to be put down and I really didn't want this but someone has to do it-

  Reiner: Well that went downhill fast

6. Weapons expert: Levi

   There wasn't really any dispute on the subject, although Mikasa didn't seem to approve.

  Mikasa: You don't even know how to kill titans the proper way and yet you hope to handle a zombie invasion? Pathetic.

  Levi: ... Now listen here you little shit

7. Brains- Armin

  He varies between being happy and ridiculously stressed about it

  Armin: The fact that I'm the Brains in a zombie apocalypse just strikes me as unfortunate in every way possible.

8. Team Leader: Erwin

  Despite his sometimes uncommon methods.

  Erwin: WE MUST BE WILLING TO BECOME MONSTERS FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF HUMANITY

  Erwin: YOU KNOw WHAT THIS MEANS EREN

  Erwin: LET"S GO GET YOU BITTEN BY A ZOMBIE

  Eren: Wait what

9. Brawlers: Annie and Mikasa

  Eren was promptly removed from the team after... unprofessional behaviour

 Eren: ZOMBIES, STOP!

  Eren: HALT I SAY

  Annie: Now that's just sad.

[snklists]

Survey Corps! Is the dress white and gold or blue and black?

A week or so ago there was a notorious picture of a dress going around on tumblr that involved some kind of optical illusion and maybe some filters that made eveyone on tumblr start arguing with each oher even mor than usual. So what colors do Attack on Titan characters see in this dress?

  Jean: Blue and black.

  Eren: Gold and white.

  Jean: BLUE AND BLACK

  Eren: GOLD AND WHITE

  Jean: Back me up here, Marco!

  Marco: Sorry, Jean. Iv'e gotta side with Eren on this one.

  Eren: Suck it! Am I right, Mikasa?

  Mikasa: Actually I'm with Jean on this.

  Jean: *tears up a little* Mikasa!

  Sasha: Isn't it obvious that it's blue and black?

  Connie: Yeah, don't you people have eyes?

  Reiner: Oh we have eyes, we sometimes have eyes that are the size of your     torso ain't that right Bert-

  Bertholdt: Reiner you useless pectoral muscle stop talking

  Bertholdt: *sweats nervously*

  Annie: It's ugly. What else matters?

  Jean: BLUE AND BLACK

  Eren: WHITE AND GOLD

  Mikasa: *menacing air* Blue and black.

  Marco: *pleasant air of doom* White and gold

  Eren: OH THAT IS IT HORSEFACE YOU WANNA FUCKING GO

  Jean: BRING IT YOU-

  Levi: What the hell are you brats arguing over.

  Krista: Captain, look at this picture and tell us what colors you see.

  Levi: Hm? Blue and gold, obviously.

  Sasha: ...

  Reiner: ...

  Jean: BLUE AND BLACK

  Eren: WHITE AND GOLD

  Hanji: Guys, calm down! I researched it a bit, and turns out the dress has been put through some kind of filter in additioned to being photographed in a special lighting! The actual dress is... black and blue!

  Mikasa: Ha.

  Marco: YOU'RE LYING

  Eren: THAT'S RIGHT MARCO YOU TELL THEM

  Jean: WHO SHOULD SUCK IT NOW HUH

     *general bickering ensues*

Erwin: I can't believe the fate of humanity rests in the hands of these people.