Newspapers are becoming like electrical-wiring in Engineering College hostels these days. Always giving shocks. You saw no, how that rudderless ship that goes by the name of Salman Khurshid nosedived into the cesspool of shame? Even a dip in the Yamuna can not clean him now from the filth that he has enveloped himself in. How can it, yaar? It is so dirty no these days? One look at the poor river and you feel like the whole of the Congress party has defecated in it. Talk of shame it is!
Why this unjustified appeasement of Amreeka, Khurshid saab? Arre, even your household maid does not do this much buttering before she asks for a Saree for Diwali. You tell no, does she? God in heaven, and in KFC buckets, and in Jennifer Lawrence's bosom, when even Amreeka can not justify its acts, why are you playing the role of the mustachioed, hairy-chested South-Indian film hero rescuing its honor, haan? Leave it no! How you became Minister I'm toh not even understanding only, even though I have no difficulty understanding much more difficult things like Sonia Gandhi's Hindi. Useless you are!
It is political-suicide season or what? First that Gopinath Munde kills his career by sending it to watch three recent Ram Gopal Verma flicks back-to-back, and now you also. Obama is spying on that girlfriend of yours in the Indian Embassy in Washington, planting bugs in her under-garments to see what other under-garments visit them, and you're not even having any problem only? Shame shame! Arre, if you have suspicions on her, do investigation yourself no? Why to outsource this valuable job to those NSA jackasses? They have toh no other job only. With Bush gone, Amreeka is out of danger no? Then? What else they will do! Try to understand this simple thing no. How else work will run, haan?
See what you have done. Such a bad-ass reputation our jewel-of-the-earth, piece-of-the-moon country was getting with all our hard-work in Kashmir, and Dantewaada, and the North-East, and with all those crimes against women! The whole world was getting afraid of us. Even North Korea! And you still went ahead and spoiled it all? Realizing what you did? And which college gave you law degree, you tell no. I will ask UGC to cancel its approval. In the interest of our country. And in the interest of all those miniskirt-wearing paralegals parading around you. I toh even think ki someone must have injected your cerebellum with Sulphuric Acid when you were a kid a couple of years ago. No control only! Killed our reputation. Arre if you are so much interested in killing, kill Black Bucks no. Like that other Salman. Or drive your Ambassador over the beggars on the footpaths!
What more to say. Leave it. Hopeless case. But Amreeka is toh even one step further in stupidity. It named India as one of the target countries in one of its confidential documents. What? Are you kidding? No tell me you're kidding. When has India ever been a threat to any other country but itself? Maaaad or what? You think that looking through communications from the Indian embassy you will have upper-hand in business deals means is all okay. But why to go to such elaborate-elaborate Machiavellian schemes, dawg? Arre, Congress runs the government in the center! CONGRESS! SONIA GANDHI'S PARTY. If you want to rob India, all you have to do is ask them and they will do the job for you. See how they're doing it for Reliance. Learn no, something!
All the time spying! Voyeur or what? All of you, as kids, you all used to peep into the neighbour's bathroom no? When the newly-married neighbourhood Auntie used to bathe? Now now! Don't lie. You probably do it even now. I know your type! Don't worry machaan, I won't tell anyone. After all, I don't want to be living in the Equadorian embassy in London with that freak Assange, he looks weird no?! And ha, who wants to be caught inside the terminal of a Russian airport indefinitely! I will toh prefer living in an igloo in comparison, even if I have to share it with Mr. Amar Singh (Remember him, no?).
Why are you always so anxious about your security, tell no. Arre even Abhishek Bachchan is not this much insecure about Aishwarya. Look at him, and then look at her, and then think. Think hard. Even HE is not that insecure about HER! And for unconstitutional-four-letter-word's sake, you were spying on Italy? ITALY!? What were you looking for? Pornographic videos featuring Berlusconi? Such bad taste you have in xxx-videos. Even our MLAs in Karnataka have more refined taste. Learn from them, nonsense fellows! So much money you are spending on B-grade tapes that you get from hidden cameras. Get it from our politicians' phones no. Not having bluetooth or what?
If it was possible I would induct your whole country into Morons Inc. Land of the free, home of the brave, my un-pedicured foot! Nation of tools, run by fools. For what people like Khurshid saab are giving willingly only (namely our country's much sought-after behind), you are using super-computers! Your luck is good that Morons Inc. is a very exclusive organization. And it requires the highest degree of nincompoopery to get inducted into it, only the level the likes of Khurshid saab are likely to achieve. In front of him toh you all are aire-gaire-naththoo-khaire! See, even in stupidity you are not a superpower! Go to hell, you all. Or better still, go to China!
Let's leave these rubbish-rubbish fellows to themselves, Khurshid saab, by the power vested in me by the blogosphere, and by the rising voices of the thousands (okay, that's an exaggeration) that are calling for it, I hereby induct you into that choicest, elitest of organizations that vermin like Manish Tewari can only dream of being a part of some day. Congratulations, you are the newest member of Morons Inc. If I had my way, I'd make you its CEO. But, alas! So much competition between you people only (Sigh). WHAT TO DO! TIME ONLY IS RUNNING BAD!
Jasper, the Jester