#so after

[electrictouchfob]

Still one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

[triassictriserratops]

picture it

katniss and peeta have been together for years now.

they've done a lot of healing individually and together.

they're best partners, best friends, best everything.

but, alas, Peeta is still a smarmy shit. so he waits.

he waits for the perfect moment.

and it's never exactly right, but that's okay, he's patient. they have a lifetime. it'll happen. he just has to wait...this CAN'T be forced.

and finally, FINALLY, one day Katniss comes into the house carrying a load of packages from the train station. Her arms are full, boxes precariously stacked.

She sees Peeta in the kitchen, throws him a grateful smile, and says, "Peeta, can you give me a hand?" Peeta, eyes vibrating with excitement and barely held anticipation, knowing that it's FINALLY time, looks at her and says: "Damn, Katniss, you already took my leg. You really need my hand too?"

[di-daynamic]

Her boy isn't much of a hunter. He's not quite as bad as Peeta—at least, he can walk in all terrains without alerting every living and non-living thing within a hundred miles of his presence, something that took his father years to learn—but he's more of an artist.

Tortured artist, Peeta likes to say.

Their boy spends much of his time sequestered in his room or up a tree bemoaning his life and expressing that sentiment through pictures and prose. She can point her finger at Peeta for the collection of beautiful portraits and mocking comics that are drawn by their son, also for his way with words. But the rhyming? The constant melodrama?

Perhaps it's simply being a teenager. She hopes so—she can't deal with this much longer.

But her girl—she understands the woods, just like Katniss does. Her aim with the bow strikes true.

So as much as Katniss cannot understand the sheer number of parties and events their daughter hosts and goes to, or the stream of friends and significant others that seem to change with the moon—this, they have in common.

This, Katniss can use.

But somehow, it doesn't work.

She – she doesn't breathe the woods. Not like Katniss does.

She gets cranky when woken up in the mornings when game is best. She gets impatient during the long, silent waits for the right target in the right position. She throws a fit when her arrow misses even slightly, rather than practice and get better.

Peeta laughs and wraps his arms around her from behind when she complains about this, as she changes out of her hunting outfit.

"She's a child, my love," he says. "She just doesn't understand."

Katniss opens her mouth to say that she understood just fine when she was a child—

And she catches sight of herself in the mirror.

And oh.

Their girl has never been able to count her ribs in a mirror — the way Katniss used to, the way she can't now.

She doesn't understand because – because to her, the woods aren't salvation, the answer to desperate prayers to be able to feed her baby sibling.

To her, hunting is just a way to pass the time. Not necessary, and less entertaining than painting her nails or organizing soirees.

Because for her, food is going to be on the table either way.

Of course she doesn't understand.

Katniss wants her to never understand.

And if that means she doesn't get an activity in common, the way Peeta does when their children work at the bakery during the times it's overwhelmed and understaffed, then so be it.

She tells her partner as much.

He breathes an incredulous laugh into her neck. "Katniss, she doesn't need that. She knows you love her. To her, it's a fact of life that doesn't need any proof or special time with you. If you want that, okay, but there's no distance to be closed between you, or any reconnecting to be done."

He says it so matter-of-fact, as though it were never in doubt.

And she loves her mother, despite everything, understands her so much better than she did when she was a child—

But this—

And how he finishes with: "Because you've always been an amazing mother," and laces his fingers through hers—

Well.

This heals something in her she never knew was broken.

"I love you," she replies, not nearly enough for everything he's given her and continues to give her everyday.

"I love you too," comes the soft response. Then his voice turns joking: "And I'll love you more if you tell me what a good parent I am."

She laughs and rolls her eyes and reminds him that he knows he's the best father.

And when next week, their daughter comes up to her and says she wants to hunt because Dad says they need so-and-so from the woods—

And his grin tells her this is an excuse she made up—

She reminds him that he's the best partner-slash-husband too.

Written for @toastbabiesweek prompt Safe and Warm

[thesweetnessofspring]

Can you do a deep analysis of the last paragraph of MJ, before the epilogue? 😭 I can grasp the gist of it, but I feel like it's not all right

Bro you really want this? Deep dive analysis into possibly the most analyzed passage in the whole series? All right. Let's go. First, the whole passage:

Now let's break it up.

Peeta and I grow back together.

I think there are two ways to take this sentence, really they both apply. The first is "Peeta and I grow back together" as in, they become as they were before the hijacking, which was in sync and in love. The second is "Peeta and I grow back together" as in, they both heal from the horrors they've had to face and as they do this together, side by side, each one having the other's backs. There's a reason why Everlarkers are so obsessed with this line, it's spawned a whole subtype of fanfiction. Grow back together, like the meadow that grew back from the bombs of the Capitol.

There are still moments when he clutches the back of a chair and hangs on until the flashbacks are over. I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children.

Suzanne's father was a veteran of the Vietnam War. I could have sworn I read an interview where she mentioned her father having nightmares, though I can't find it now. However in her picture book The Year of the Jungle, Suzanne notes some PTSD symptoms her father had, including spacing out and being back in the jungle. Here we see Katniss and Peeta both have intrusive symptoms of PTSD, similar to what Suzanne's father had. These are struggles that they continue to deal with because of the way the world used and traumatized them.

But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips.

Following Katniss referencing her nightmares, we get this information, that Peeta first holds Katniss after these nightmares. At some point in time, he's welcomed back into her bed as he was during the Victory Tour and Quarter Quell. Then, at some point following this, his lips comfort her, implying that after nightmares he kisses her.

Katniss and Peeta are familiar with kissing one another, though all but one in canon up to this point has been in front of an audience. Yet we see the difference in how Katniss kissed Peeta in the first book, where it was more calculated for the camera, and how it is in Catching Fire where even in the Quell, they kiss each other without a second thought about it, how naturally it flows into their interactions. Here, Katniss implies that same ease and natural path from holding to kissing. Peeta's lips become a comfort to her after she sees her worst fears play out in her nightmares.

On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway.

There are two instances in canon that Katniss was able to fully immerse herself in kissing Peeta without worrying about the Games or Gale. The first is following Peeta getting the medicine in the first Games. Right before the kiss, Katniss says, "...the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don't want him to die. And it's not about the sponsors. And it's not about what will happen back home. And it's not just that I don't want to be alone. It's him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread." The second is, of course, the iconic beach scene, where she says, "I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. 'I do,' I say. 'I need you.'"

We don't know what led up to this particular night, but from the two instances before, it was likely a great emotional connection. Perhaps it was even Katniss realizing that even if she had the two suitors in front of her, it would have been Peeta she'd have chosen in the end. And this emotional connection is what prompts that "hunger that overtook [her] on the beach."

This is how Katniss describes that "hunger" in CF: "The sensation inside me grows warmer and spreads out from my chest, down through my body, out along my arms and legs, to the tips of my being. Instead of satisfying me, the kisses have the opposite effect, of making my need greater. I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind." This description is about Katniss's first canon experience with sexual attraction. The kissing only makes her "need greater" and the only comparable experience she has is "hunger." A hunger for "more." More what? They're already kissing and they become "wrapped up" in each other. It stands to reason, then, that her body is asking for further sexual stimulation. There is the emotional connection, with Katniss realizing the depth of her grief if Peeta dies and she lives, in connection to her sexual desire.

And here we also have another favorite of the Everlark community: "this would have happened anyway." Perhaps anticipating the response from "Team Gale" that Peeta won by forfeit, Collins and Katniss are clarifying that no, Katniss would have actively chosen Peeta. That "anyway" tells so much. It's not "if Gale had come back to District 12 but I still saw him responsible for my sister's death." It's anyway. No matter what condition or events, Katniss would have grown back together with Peeta, would have brought him back into her bed, would have felt aroused by him and chosen him as her life partner.

That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself.

Up to this point, Gale really only has two associations with fire: first when he and Katniss are at the lake and she's describing Snow's threats as he cooks them food. And last, the bombs that killed Prim. Here we see the dual nature of Gale's fire. One is homey and nurturing, the other destructive. Gale is both. There was a time when his fire helped keep Katniss's going, and she did to his. Katniss says it here, she has "plenty of fire" herself. Only Gale's fire is not limited to the hearth. When given the chance, the wind picks up his fire and flamed it outside of the hearth and into brush of "rage and hatred." He thought he was defending himself and other vulnerable people. But fire is difficult to control once it begins to burn and Gale lost control of his when he shared his plans with Beetee and Coin. And even in smaller instances, when Gale's fire fought Katniss's fire, they simply burned out. On a personal level, their similarities are what drew them apart from each other.

In comparison, Peeta is described as being a "whiz" at fires, even lighting up damp wood. Following Prim's death, Katniss says she has "no fire." Gale's fire burnt out hers. Yet we see here that Katniss says she "has plenty of fire" herself. Who stoked her fire back to life but the boy she grew back together with? The one who could rouse her from mental anguish and hopelessness, and also soothe her when her anger was roused up? Gale's fire puts her out. Peeta's hand steadies her flame.

What I need is a dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again.

Here I am going to go on a bit of a nerd-out on the dandelion here. In some variations of the Theseus and the Minotaur story (which THG is loosely inspired by), Hecate feeds Theseus dandelions for 30 days before his encounter with the Minotaur to give him strength. In others, he ate a dandelion salad after killing the Minotaur. The Minotaur is Crete's version of The Hunger Games, and Theseus ends it by killing the Minotaur.

Katniss first associates dandelions with Peeta after catching his eye the day following the evening when he threw bread to her and he had a bruised cheek. This dandelion gave her hope and is one she associates with Peeta from the beginning of the story. This dandelion gave Katniss strength to keep fighting and providing for her family, the first Minotaur the Capitol puts up against its people, their hunger and poverty. Then on the way to the 74th Games, Katniss has determined that Peeta's kindness is a play of his and she throws out his father's cookies to be rid of any kindness from the Mellarks, but they land "in a patch of dandelions by the track. I only see the image for a moment, because the train is off again, but it's enough. Enough to remind me of that other dandelion in the school yard years ago." This dandelion then reminds her of the ways she braved the wood alone at first, how she made trades, took what her father had taught her and applied it. And this reminder lingers with her on her journey for the ultimate fight of her life (so far), the Hunger Games. She is once again fed by the dandelions on her way to face her Minotaur.

Through the Games, Katniss loses her free will, her privacy, and any remaining peace she had left. This of course launches into the whole of the series where she's deafened, manipulated, publicized, flaunted, scarred, terrorized, sees others killed and kills other. By the end of Mockingjay, she's "a badly burned girl with no wings. With no fire. And no sister." Katniss has faced "destruction" on a personal, familial, and community level due to the wings staples on her and the fire others lit and she has little left at the end.

And yet, even when she so badly wants to die, when Peeta tells her he can't let go, she holds on. She holds on until "spring's in the air" and her dandelion in the spring, Peeta, returns. While the dandelions of his kindness fed her after her father's death and before the Hunger Games, here he is nourishing her again after the war. Reminding her of the goodness that there still is in life, "no matter how bad our losses." And for both Katniss and Peeta, they've had really, really bad losses.

And here it is: dandelions to Katniss are not just a pretty flower, or a symbol of wealth as the rose is to Snow. Dandelions are food. They are nourishment. Dandelions can even be medicine. They grow everywhere and can be found everywhere, bright little suns that can offer so much. Peeta is that to her as well. He nourishes her, strengthens her, is her medicine, and the only person she consummates a romantic and sexual relationship with and fulfills the "hunger" that is "an entirely new kind" to her. He gives her life in every way that is possible and gives her a rebirth, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real."

"So after" we can canonically take as whatever came after she felt hunger (aka sexual desire). It's difficult to interpret it other than that this is when they consummated their relationship, in the very least engaging in some sexual act beyond kissing. Because Katniss says that Peeta's arms and eventually his lips helped her through her nightmares, and this is more than that. It is enough to stand apart and prompt Peeta to clarify his greatest question in the series, about whether or not Katniss loves him.

"Real or not real" was a game Katniss and Peeta have been playing since the beginning. Was Peeta really that kind? Did Katniss actually have feelings for Peeta, even when both knew it had started as an act? What is their relationship if the Capitol is making them play at being a happy couple? Although the hijacking made Peeta question his entire life, even without the hijacking, this is surely something he would have had to ask anyway, and only more so after the hijacking.

Finally having taken time to grieve, to come back to life, to grow back with a partner she trusts, Katniss can confirm to him that yes, she loves him. The final word answering one of the earliest questions in the series: who does Katniss love romantically, if anyone? And the answer, that has been there since his name first appeared: Peeta Mellark.

[millennium-queen]

I can kind of infer what it means from the post itself, but can you please explain "so after" to me?

Of course darling! You’ll have to excuse me tho because I don’t have my books with me currently so I can’t give you perfect quotes or page numbers ( @thesmileykate is the gal for that!)

But essentially Katniss refers to a feeling she gets while kissing Peeta in each of the 3 books

First while they’re in the cave described as “the first kiss that makes me want another” where they make out until her head wound starts bleeding and he calls a time out

Second when they’re on the beach and Katniss is filled with a “hunger” where they make out until they’re stopped by the lightning and subsequently Finnick

And finally at the end of Mockingjay Katniss refers to the “hunger that overtook me on the beach” returning but this time of course there’s nothing to stop them

“So After” refers to, in the politest sense, the period of time after them being intimate or having sex (presumably for the first time) where he asks if she loves him and she says real

It’s really subtle but I love it a lot

[wenslena]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

„I’m so terribly afraid of losing you.”

Peeta looks up, his face so confused that it would almost be funny if my heart wasn’t hurting so badly in this moment.

“What?” he says.

“I’m terrified of losing you.”

He gives me a look that seems to indicate he thinks I’m nuts. He leans back on the couch and puts his foot up beside him.

“What are you talking about?”

“The reason why I kept you at arm’s length for so long. The reason why I wasn’t able to put words to my feelings. I loved my father and he died. I loved my sister and she died as well. I love my mother but for all intents and purposes I lost her when my father died because she couldn’t handle the magnitude of what she had lost.” I swallow hard to get rid of the lump in my throat.

“When I love people I lose them.“

[rosegardeninwinter]

here is a tiny thing for you, my dear @safeinpeetasarms, @lovely-tothe-bone and anyone feeling down tonight - dashed out and woefully edited, set shortly after “real”

She watches him drowsing in the candlelight. In that hazy, contented moment before a deep, peaceful rest, one she almost forgot existed, but he’s helped her to find again. His breathing is even and that alone makes her heart ache in the best way.

She lets out a sleepy exhale of her own and splays out languidly on her stomach, enjoying the feeling of her bare skin against the soft sheets. She bumps her nose gently against his chin and he stirs. His eyes blink blearily down at her and the love in them almost takes her breath away.

“Hi,” she says, blushing at the sight.

“Hi,” he whispers back, somewhat shy.

“Are you asleep?”

He laughs quietly and one hand glides over her hip. “Not yet. Almost.”

“Okay.” She watches the candlelight play about his curls (mussed by her roving fingers) and smiles. “Me too.”

They’re not making much sense, but that’s okay. This is good. This warm, dreamy place that smells of cool summer air through the window, and wood smoke, and them. She yawns and scoots closer to him. The arm on her hip slides up to paint circles on the small of her back.

“Goodnight,” he breathes, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Goodnight,” she replies, cheek against his chest. And then she decides there is one thing she wants to do (needs to do) before she drifts off. “Peeta?” she says.

“Hmm?” he hums in reply.

It’s as easy as breathing. “I love you.”

She feels his heart give a skip against her palm, but he only replies in kind, as though they’ve been saying it their whole lives (and in a way, though not in so many words, they have). “I love you.”

Their sleep is dreamless, and the next morning is sun-drenched in pink and peach and gold.