Hi! You can call me Di (or Diana or Dana). I'm in multiple fandoms, and I write fanfics sometimes. Feel free to send asks or messages! I also have a ko-fi.
FIC LIST
⁍ when the snows fall (and the white winds blow) (Andreil Pirate AU | 7/20 chapters | 14.2k words | rated T)
Self-preservation had never been Nathaniel's forte, despite his mother's constant efforts. Becoming a pirate and somehow finding a family and falling in love through that, though, wasn't expected even by him.
⁍ for all I know and lie (loving is a losing game) (Clace and Sizzy University Hanahaki AU | 7/18 chapters | 10.6k words | rated T)
Clary and her best friend Simon transferred to a college far, far away in Switzerland to escape demons he didn't even know they had. But when the cause of most of her problems was also going to this college, Clary's house of cards was going to fall apart, and fast.
⁍ sitting bets (Firstprince AU Oneshot | 3.5k words | rated G)
Henry needed a dog-sitter, not a boyfriend. He got both.
⁍ truth and freedom (Smallville AU Oneshot | 1.9k words | rated G)
The Justice League meeting in the barn after Bart's rescue takes a turn when Lex arrives.
Oneshots
⁍ world you brought to life (Mergwenthur | 1.8k words | rated T)
TW Pregnancy.
Merlin, Gwen and Arthur spending way too long getting distracted from their very important work of decorating their child's nursery and ruling a kingdom. For Fluffbruary 2023.
⁍ stand by you (have your back always) (Gen | 2.6k words | could be canon compliant | rated G)
Merlin hurries Arthur along in bringing down a corrupt knight by being his usual reckless self. For Fluffbruary 2023.
⁍ love you still (Gen | 947 words | rated G)
Merlin and Arthur's final conversation after he decides to leave Camelot.
⁍ died everyday (waiting for you) (QPR | 4.5k words | rated G)
Merlin and Arthur reunite on the shores of Avalon, 1500 years later. Much has changed, but one thing remains the same. For Flufftober 2022.
⁍ freed from strings (I didn't know were controlling me) (Gen | 1.7k words | rated G)
Merlin can't let that helpless druid child die. He just can't.
But he can't let Arthur die either.
He needs advice. What on earth is destiny anyway? How likely is it to happen?
⁍ willing to die (to be true of heart) (Gen/Pre-Slash | 819 words | rated G)
Arthur waking up post the poison scene in Labyrinth of Gedref.
Multi-Chaptered Fics
⁍ plausible enough tomorrow (wait until tonight) (Gen | Ongoing | 1/5 chapters | 2.8k words | rated T)
Arthur Pendragon's life has never been particularly known for normalcy, but even with years of magical attacks under his belt, a Merlin from a future - one that Arthur can't dare hope for, a future that seems impossible - will reveal secrets that shake him to the core and change his life forever.
If he even remembers this incident.
⁍ tell me one more beautiful lie (Gen | Complete | 5k words | rated G)
When Arthur and Gwen's daughter discovers Merlin's best kept and most desperately hidden secret of magic, the clock for how long the lie can last begins ticking faster than ever.
Oneshots
⁍ The Limit of Pain (Gen | 595 words | rated T)
Percy's in depth thoughts when he controlled Akhlys' tears and poison.
⁍ Friendship, Chances and Forgiveness (Gen | 1.2k words | rated T)
The Arai scene from Bob's PoV
⁍ The Last Olympian: Contemplating Friendships and Prophecies (Gen | 2k words | rated G)
The scene where Percy and Grover reunite in front of Orpheus' Entrance to the Underworld + a missing scene thrown in from the perspective of Nico di Angelo.
⁍ as long as you are here with me (Percabeth | 1.7k words | rated G)
Camp Half-Blood is still home, even after the war.
⁍ longing for itself (Posally | 1.4k words | rated G)
A strange man gives Percy a discount and Sally bad news.
⁍ every breath, every hour (Percalypso | 2.2k words | rated T)
In which Calypso and Percy never give up on one another. For Polympians Event 2024.
⁍ amoral vs immoral (Percy/Amphitrite | 3.5k words | rated T)
Spite turns into intrigue which turns into something Amphitrite couldn't have imagined feeling towards her step-son in millennia. For Polympians Event 2024.
⁍ afterlife delights (Percy/Thanatos | 3k words | rated T)
Thanatos didn't know what to expect when he was made to accept a dead hero as his assistant, but godly gifts apparently turn out better than either of them thought. For Polympians Event 2024.
⁍ aging and bottling (Percy/Dionysus | 2.9k words | rated T)
Being stuck at Camp Half-Blood with the newly turned god isn't good for Dionysus - he's clearly lost his mind, falling in love with Percy Jackson.
Multi-Chaptered Fics
⁍ between love and hate (there's me and you) (Completed | Jercy | 9.8k words | rated G)
For Seafam Mermay 2023.
In which Percy Jackson angsts about being royal and falls in love at a masquerade ball with the person he loathes most - and no, he was not being overdramatic. At all.
Jason Grace is pining and not happy about it, when he has to rescue Prince Perseus - the one being pined for - after a kidnapping.
Oneshots
⁍ in the middle before it began (2.4k words | rated T)
Henry and Alex's first date goes absolutely terribly, and Henry worries that Alex will think they are incompatible. Love confessions are made to refute the fact.
For FirstPrince Week and Flufftober 2023
⁍ mujō (7.7k words | alternate universe | rated G)
Happiness for Alex and Henry comes in waves. As they drift from one world to another, they find it where they can.
⁍ shout into the void (5k words | rated T)
In which Alex and Henry engage in secret relationship shenanigans out of sheer pettiness and the need to always be right.
Yeah, it's mostly Alex's fault.
For FirstPrince Week 2023
⁍ whenever, wherever, always (1.2k words | rated G)
As Alex's mother's second term comes to an end, he can't seem to think about moving on and life after, feeling insecure in his own identity and his relationship. Henry comforts him.
For FirstPrince Week 2023
Multi-Chaptered Fics
⁍ inscribed on a heart (and there it shall remain forever) (Completed | 5k words | canon adjacent | rated G)
In a world where you get a red tally mark on your arm every time you fall in love, Alex and Henry's love story remains the same, with perhaps a few more issues and resolutions thrown in.
American scholarship student Alex Claremont-Diaz is content with glaring at and competing with Prince Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (Wales is so much more succinct and yellable) and the latter is content with loving the former from a distance until desperation (his chronically ill sister, his father's Senator Campaign, his dire financial straits, take your pick) drives Alex to seek help from his sworn enemy and discover that there may be more to him and their relationship than he'd imagined.
Oneshots
⁍ where your treasure is (Clace | 1.2k words | rated G)
Jace and Clary babysit the Lightwood-Banes, and Jace reflects. For Fluffbruary 2023.
⁍ making memories (having fun) (Gen | 1.1k words | rated G)
A day in the life of the Lightwood siblings, pre-canon. For Fluffbruary 2023.
⁍ (un)happiness spilling over (Herongraystairs and Gabrily | 2.2k words | rated G)
Tessa meets Brother Zachariah on Blackfriars Bridge, reminisces, and comes to a few realizations. For Fluffbruary 2023.
⁍ golden-hearted rose (slipping from its green sheath) (Climonace | 5k words | rated T)
Clary, Jace and Simon come to terms with their new feelings for one another. For Flufftober 2022.
Oneshots
⁍ jamais vu (Everlark | 6.8k words | alternate universe | rated G)
Eight times Katniss and Peeta almost met + one time they actually did.
⁍ where the heart can bloom (Everlark | 2.3k words | rated G)
Instead of focusing on them and making love rather than rebellion the reason for the Mockingjay’s actions, President Snow decides separating them, showing their relationship as insignificant and slowly fading them into obscurity is the way to go.
Meanwhile, Katniss can’t figure out why being districts apart from Peeta hurts so much when they hadn’t spoken in months before this anyway. For TWHHA challenge summer '24.
⁍ too strong for fantasy (Gen | 1.2k words | rated G)
Finnick's son reflects about his family.
Oneshots
⁍ ain't ever getting older (3.8k words | Rated T | Modern AU)
Achilles and Patroclus run a marathon, and work out their feelings for one another. For Fluffbruary 2023
⁍ wishing upon a shooting star (1.7k words | rated T)
Achilles and Patroclus watch a shooting star on Mount Pelion. For Flufftober 2022.
Oneshots
⁍ rather (regret) the things done than those not (1.5k words | rated G)
The Pevensies watch the coming of the winter back in England.
Oneshots
⁍ the bridal rose of the heart (Holmesbury | 1.5k words | rated G)
Enola and Tewkesbury dance and flirt during her investigation. For Fluffbruary 2023.
⁍ make it alone (Holmesbury | 1.5k words | rated G)
Enola comes home from a long day of work. For Fluffbruary 2023.
Oneshots
⁍ and you are the dance (Gen | 1.8k words | rated G)
A look into some time Peter and Morgan spent together, and their relationship.
⁍ those who have never sought it (Gen | 4.4k words | rated G)
In which Peter Parker decides to take things - the Infinity Stones, in particular - in his own hands and get his happy ending.
For Bad Things Happen Bingo and Whumpcember.
Oneshots
⁍ await another voice (QPR Joanlock | 5k words | rated G)
Joan reminisces and socializes with her family at her son's birthday party.
Oneshots
⁍ Split at the Seams (But I'm Doing My Best) (Gen | 7.5k words | rated T)
A character study of Beth Harmon over the years.
Oneshots
⁍ life is but a dream (Gen | 1.6k words | rated G)
Team Red celebrates completing a heist.
Oneshots
⁍ every moment with you is a blessing (even ones otherwise nightmarish) (Lizzie/Darcy | 1.3k words | rated G)
For Flufftober 2022. Lizzie gives Darcy some alarming news.
Feel free to request a pairing or fandom you want with prompts from these two:
Imogen is kind of a nothing burger to me, but there is something very ironic about her projecting all of her feelings about Stephens death onto Valentine's (cuz duh it was his fault) and then wanting to sacrifice Jace, the grandson she doesn't about, as revenge for that.
This is exactly what makes The Shadowhunter Chronicles so compelling to me.
Even minor characters I don't really care about have arcs and emotions that are well-written. You can really feel Imogen's despair and desperate need for revenge and understand why it exists.
(Speaking of which, why is Maia the main character of TMI whose plot everyone sleeps on?? It's awesome!)
I know we make jokes about the proverbial asexual pervert who has written hundreds of thousands of words of smut on ao3, but also shoutout to the aces who aren’t perverts. to the aces who skip the sex scenes and wince at sex jokes and awkwardly leave the conversation when your friends start talking about sex. your boundaries aren’t childish and fuck anyone who says otherwise.
at this point I’d like to see the internet define what they think a reliable narrator is because we’re fast approaching “unreliable narrator” becoming so overapplied as to be meaningless
at this point I’d like to see the internet define what they think a reliable narrator is because we’re fast approaching “unreliable narrator” becoming so overapplied as to be meaningless
i actually can’t think about how the discussion wrt bigotry in the nhl was lead by a group of white players + shane hollander and while the white players were lamenting on how difficult hockey culture was to navigate shane’s white partner was looking at him thinking ‘hockey had never made shane sad a day in his life’ and ‘[ilya] was more aware of hockey’s flaws than shane was’ like. even if i ignore the literal mammoth in the room about how the single person of colour present at the table is ignorant to systemic bigotry while the white players are enlightened and determined to make positive change. in what universe is sidney-crosby-with-the-serial-numbers-filed-off completely unaware of hockey’s dark side? grown adults were talking about breaking sid’s arms and screaming in his face at games. he couldn’t wear his gear into the rink from fear of violence from parents. his own parents sent him to a school in another country because they feared for his safety. you’re telling me japanese canadian shane hollander just. what. floated through life blissfully oblivious until his white partner got to explain to him how the world actually works. give me a fucking break
in hindsight, growing up as an aromantic person who didn't know aromanticism was a thing...it woulda been really easy for me to assume that something was wrong with me, that I was "broken" or "missing" some piece of humanity.
luckily I was autistic, oblivious, and had a huge ego. it literally never occurred to me to frame it as a "me" problem. i just thought every single person i knew was a dumbass
not trying to be mean, that was just the natural conclusion of a judgemental aspec teenager forcibly surrounded by other teenagers. classmates would go on and on about their Longings and Yearnings and id be like. girl u r fifteen
see my thing is. i’d be a lot less mean about these books if any relationship conflict between shane and ilya was treated remotely equally rather than ilya doing whatever he wanted without consequence and shane reading his mind only so shane can assure the audience that the situation was all his fault actually and he just needs to shed all his earthly concerns to unconditionally support ilya’s career full time ☺️
This part is so true. That's why I hate the "I already chose you" scene. Shane did choose Ilya. Shane was the go-getter. Shane was the one who didn't let Ilya hide his feelings. Shane was the one who listened to the list of requirements that Ilya had and implemented them, aka I want to have Canadian citizenship and keep my captaincy/pay/career.
Shane even SAID he chose Ilya, but Ilya didn't FEEL like it was super confident. Ilya is depressed, which can make you infer the worst possible tone to everything. I would know, because I've had an argument with a friend about how I felt she didn't care about me, when the problem was that I casually asked my friend if we could hang out (emotionally, I was destroyed and needed a hangout), and she casually told me she was busy. My feelings didn't reflect reality because if I told her I needed a hangout cuz I felt like shit, she would come over. Because she does care about me. Shane "go-getter" Hollander would have figured something out if there was any bit of communication from his boyfriend, since he can't rely on his divine providence from the RR, as she wants him to be the villain in this fight.
I'll even copy-paste that part of Shane and Ilya's argument from the book. The bold is from me.
“You wouldn’t even choose me, would you?” Ilya said. “If it is between me and hockey.”
“Of course I would,” Shane said, though not as confidently as Ilya would have liked.
"not as confidently as Ilya would have liked" is literally straight-up tone policing. Ilya is ignoring Shane's words in favor of the emotional subtext, which, as we well know, neurodivergent people all over the world are telling us, is hard!
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Plus, the start of the argument only happens because Ilya tries to keep it casual, and he gets a casual answer!!! I cannot explain to y'all how badly I wanted to toss TLG into a paper shredder when I read the following page of text. I'm going to bold every mention of "casual" or when Ilya is purposely keeping the tone chill btw.
“Bood is having a party tonight.” Ilya said it casually, as if there were no particular reason he was letting Shane know. As if his stomach wasn’t a mess as he anticipated Shane’s reaction.
“Zane Boodram? He’s having a party on Boxing Day?”
“Yes. Not a big party. It will be chill. Mostly just the team and partners. Bood has fun parties.”
“Oh.” Ilya held his breath.
“Did you want to go or something?” Shane asked, clearly confused. “I could stay here, I guess. Or head back to—”
“I want you to go too,” Ilya said. “I want you to come with me to the party.”
Shane twisted around so they were facing each other on Ilya’s couch. “You want me to go to a party with your teammates? Why?”
So they can fucking meet my boyfriend, Ilya wanted to scream. But instead, he kept his tone light and said, “They are cool people. You might have fun.”
“But...wouldn’t it be weird, if we showed up together?”
Ilya shrugged easily, as if this was a normal thing for him to suggest. “They know you would be in Ottawa for Christmas. We are friends, so I invite you to a party. No big deal.”
Shane’s face scrunched up in confusion, then he shook his head. “Too weird. I don’t think so.”
The dismissal, though expected, irritated Ilya. No, irritated was too small a word—it infuriated him. For a moment, Ilya didn’t react. He stared at Shane, stony-faced, while anger scorched through him like lava. Then, before he said anything he may regret, he stood up and walked out of the living room. Shane caught up with him in the kitchen.
“You can go,” he said. “It’s fine.”
“Great,” Ilya snapped.
“What’s wrong?” Shane sounded so genuinely clueless about why Ilya might want him to meet his friends that it only angered Ilya further.
Shane sounds genuinely clueless after Ilya gives him about two minutes of CASUAL warning about a party where, if the captain actually went after blowing off several team invitations, just to bring a friend, it would be weird. Guys. It would be weird if Shane Hollander going to the party is the only reason that Ilya goes to the party. Especially since the party is described by Ilya as "Mostly just the team and partners." Soooo if Shane, who would be just 'a friend' at a party for team members and their romantic partners, thinks that would be a little too weird, why the fuck is that a problem? Three guesses, and the first two don't count.
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Shane is said to not understand how much Ilya sacrificed for their future, but should I remind everyone what Ilya's original plan was going to be? In HR, Ilya plans to let the rivalry fade by moving to the west, where Ilya and Shane would only see each other twice a year.
“I was thinking,” Ilya said. It was late morning the next day, and they were sitting on the deck with coffee. “If I played for a team that was not Boston. Maybe in the west. The rivalry would not be such a big deal.”
Shane seemed to consider this. “That’s true. We’d only play against each other twice a year.” He frowned and Ilya knew he didn’t like that idea any more than he did. We’d only see each other twice a year.
“Is…like, sacrifice. For future gain, yes?”
Shane brightened. “Future gain?”
“Yes. Our rivalry has been huge. But maybe we can help it to…fade away? A little?”
“Yeah…” Shane said. He was getting excited. “Yeah! I don’t like the idea of you being so far, but we could make people forget all about us as rivals and maybe no one would care about us at all one day.”
But the thing is that Shane and Ilya want to see each other! Twice a year is too little for them, so the next scene is literally Shane thinking of a different idea. It's the famous nighttime wake-up and listen to my ten-year plan for our future scene that leads into the "I love you's". The scene I'm most interested in is when Ilya specifically declines Montreal because they couldn't afford both Shane and Ilya at their full worth. I wonder who ends up being paid less than their worth in the end...
“I am a free agent, after next season.”
He definitely had Shane’s full attention now. “You’d leave Boston?”
“I have just been thinking. Maybe…a Canadian team.”
“Holy shit, really?”
“Yes.”
“Like where?” Ilya could see the thoughts play out on Shane’s face like a movie: What if we played together in Montreal? No. Montreal couldn’t afford both of us.
“Not Montreal,” Ilya said gently.
“No. I know.”
But good god, now Ilya was imagining that. Playing together, living together, being together. It was never going to happen. But it was a nice thought.
How amazing that Ilya's dream ends up being fulfilled without him having to be paid less than what he is worth.
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In TLG, right after Shane gets angry in their fight and says that line about wanting to win cups instead of smoking between losses, Ilya thinks about how he chose Ottawa because it was Shane's hometown! What the actual fuck are you talking about, Ilya? What the fuck is RR writing?? She purposely rewrites the Ottawa move to be about choosing between love and your career, instead of the fact that it was about choosing BOTH for Ilya. In fact, the sheer insanity of how the Ottawa plan was named as "Shane's plan" when things get hard is always baffling to me, when originally, Ilya liked it more than his plan. I'm going to put the TLG passage of the Ottawa thing and the HR passage just for anyone who doesn't remember it.
In TLG:
Shane truly didn’t understand anything. Not what Ilya had given up for him, certainly. Ilya could be in Boston right now, leading one of the top teams in the league to more Stanley Cups. He could be breaking more records, and winning more awards. Instead he’d chosen to come to Ottawa, when he could have gone to almost any team in the league. He’d chosen a team that hadn’t made the playoffs in over a decade. He’d chosen it because it was Shane’s hometown, and close to where Shane lived. He’d chosen it so he could build a life in Canada with the man he loved.
In HR:
“You play for Ottawa, I play for Montreal. Those cities are an hour apart. We start a charity together, you and me. Something that benefits both cities. So now people see us working together on something. We make up some story about how I approached you with this idea, and—”
“Or I approached you.”
“Whatever. The point is, we tell the press, the fans, everyone, that by working together on the cause that means so much to both of us, we have developed a mutual respect for each other...”
“Yes. And also we are fucking each other. Any questions?”
“Fuck off! This is a great idea, Rozanov!” Ilya laughed. Shane hit him with a pillow.
“Is not bad,” Ilya finally conceded. “So we start this charity...”
“And it wouldn’t be bullshit either. I’ve been wanting to start one anyway. We’ll do something that means a lot to both of us.”
“Yes. Okay.”
“We still play hard against each other on the ice, obviously. I mean, I am never going to stop enjoying beating your ass.”
Ilya snorted. “Sure.”
“And...like I said. We’re an hour away from each other. All year.” He wanted Ilya to see this vision as clearly as he could. It seemed tantalizingly possible. Easy, even. “And you’d be in Canada. And you could apply for citizenship eventually.”
“Yes. I understand that part.” “And maybe...someday. When we both retire. We can...be together. For real.”
Ilya looked stunned by that part. “You really think that far ahead, Hollander?”
“I do about this.”
The literal reason for it is NUMBER ONE: Canadian Citizenship, NUMBER TWO: Killing the Rivalry, NUMBER THREE: Being close to each other for love.
How do we know Ilya wanted Canadian citizenship? Here you go:
In HR:
“Do you still want to become an American citizen?”
“I don’t know. I am thinking…maybe somewhere else.”
“Oh.”
Rachel Reid fucked up her own plot and themes, and now we've got a total mess that is aimed at coddling her precious mind baby, Ilya, and fucking over the selfish-asshole-who-breaks-his-heart, Shane. My anger management has never been more needed.
You briefly mentioned how Shane acts like he's been one wish willowed in the tags and now I imagine a horror version of tlg where everything about how Shane acts after being outed is a result of how Ilya in a desperate moment wished for Shane to be with being out/choosing him over hockey/something similar.
So I was thinking about how I would execute this kind of storyline and I think I personally would not have Ilya involved in stepford wifing Shane at all. Make it a totally unrelated third party, like a parasocial fan or something. Because then the horror is localized in the fact that no one notices what happened to him. Like, these are the broad strokes I’m thinking of right now—trigger warning for the rape/non con inherent in this kind of premise:
Diverge from obsession’s set up. Make it magical realism. Witches are rare but they exist and curses are real and a known part of life. Celebrities usually have precautions taken against curses but someone gets a piece of Shane’s hair or some shit that gives them a direct link to him, bypassing any defenses.
Shane gets hit with some archaic bullshit that has been historically used to stepford wife your partner. She doesn’t love you back? She doesn’t respect you as the head of her household? Haha, don’t worry, we can fix that. It’s very, very, very illegal now but people can still do it.
Ilya has no part in cursing Shane. He didn’t know it was happening in advance. He wasn’t told about it after. This was a sincerely unilateral third party that wanted to either hurt Shane or make Ilya happy, and they thought this would do it. They are unfortunately right.
The thing about this storyline that interests me would be that it could really showcase the horror of tlg’s ending. To do that properly, I think it’d be important to not make anyone’s actions better or worse than they actually are. Take as many direct quotes from canon as possible. Play out the scenes as they are written. Let the horror be what actually, literally happens to Shane in canon. Soften nothing, harden nothing, make it be the actual ending of the long game. Show the horror in it
And specifically the horror is that Shane’s just hollowed out into a smiling, vacuously happy fuck doll and quite literally nobody in his life notices. That’s actually not fully accurate—people notice. They’re just happy about it. They like him so much better like this.
Shane’s “happiness” is never real. It’s not that he feels the happiness he claims to have or believes anything he’s doing or saying. He is fully conscious. He is aware. He is locked behind a pane of glass. He has no control over anything that he’s doing or saying. But it’s still him on the inside. He never gets to sink behind false feelings of happiness—he has to live out the nightmare and feel everything happening to him.
Again, magic is a known element in this world. When he first gets cursed, Shane is certain that Ilya or his parents or anyone is going to notice that his entire personality has disappeared overnight and realize what happened. They’ll hire a curse breaker and he’ll be saved.
They don’t.
He isn’t.
Again, keep this as close to canon as possible. Take direct quotes. Use the exact words they use in canon as much as possible. People notice he’s different and they’re so, so glad. He’s so much better than he was before. He seems so, so happy now. Everyone’s so relieved.
Shane spends the entire time trying to fight the curse. He gets close to regaining even a little bit of control over his body if he focuses on specific things that make him miserable and desperate and afraid. Those few statements in canon suggesting unhappiness or worry or fear are the only brief flashes of control he gets. Moments like when he says he’s worried no one will ever sign him again. He barely manages to choke the words out. He’s hoping that someone, anyone, will notice how his giddy, lovesick happiness in every other moment doesn’t comport with these flashes of unhappiness. He thinks maybe if someone just asked him a single fucking follow up question about how he feels or what’s been happening in his life that maybe the sudden switch from expressing unhappiness to expressing delirious, saccharine, lovesick joy would make the curse clear, or maybe he’d manage to gain more control and tell someone he’s cursed. He’s reaching out a hand and hoping someone grabs it.
Ilya fucks him happy, Ilya fucks him happy, Ilya fucks him happy
Again, make it as close to canon as possible. And that means emphasizing that Ilya has never been happier. Use exact words from the book. He is overwhelmed with happiness. This is his perfect day. His life has never been better.
Shane’s So Happy Too. He’s Never Been Happier. Make Him The Butt Of The Joke, He’s Laughing Too. Post Him On Instagram, Make The Sex Tape, Take Him To Bed. Fuck Him Happy, Fuck Him Happy, Fuck Him Happy.
On the inside, Shane is just. Decaying. He is a ghost haunting himself and not a single person in his life has realized that they’re talking to his fucking corpse.
Shane’s isolated from Hayden, J.J., and Rose. They’re all in a different city, and Ilya didn’t like them all that much. He’s got his husband’s friends now anyway. The Centaurs are all he needs.
There’s a subset of people online who sees his online presence 180 from Shane Fucking Hollander to Ilya’s giggling, lovesick husband on Ilya’s Instagram and the Centaurs’ social media accounts and they’re like “there is no goddamn way that guy didn’t get stepford wife’d.” It’s an online conspiracy theory with a moderate following but it doesn’t have any real traction.
Ilya has a brief moment of pause when he sees it. The theory is that he had Shane cursed and that their relationship was never real to begin with and he knows that’s not true. And there’s never been a case of someone doing this to someone else’s spouse. Like. The entire motive of this kind of curse is for sick, controlling fucks to do it for their own personal benefit. He’d never do this to Shane, and no one has any reason to do this for him. What would even be the benefit? Shane’s been… different, but that’s because he’s so much happier now that they’re out and married and playing for the same team. He says it all the time. This curse thing can’t be true.
Of Course It’s Not True. They’re Just Homophobic Fucks Who Want To Diminish The Life They’ve Built Together. Shane’s Never Been Happier. But, You, Know, Ilya, You Could Make Me Even Happier ;)
Shane gets out of it but he’s not saved by any of his loved ones. Again, the horror is just literally what happens in tlg. Everyone’s so glad for him. He’s so much better now that he’s learned to let go and let himself be happy.
This shit gets broken by a random fucking witch who’s seen this curse before and clocks the signs. Again, witches in general are rare and this curse is extremely rare because it was made fuck-off illegal decades ago. Very few people even remember how to cast it and modern cases are few and far between. But this random fucking witch decides to risk catching a case and just curse breaks Shane without his prior knowledge or consent because if she’s right the man is in hell right now. And it works. It’s taken months, but he’s finally back in control of his own body
Crash out. Holy fuck crash out
Ilya has no idea what that spell was and tries to comfort Shane over whatever the fuck just happened and Shane does not want him to touch him. He does not need to be fucked better right now Jesus Jesus Jesus
I think one of the first things he does in his panic is wrench his wedding ring off. It wasn’t even him who said I Do.
Ilya gets arrested and then released when Shane tells the police that he’s pretty sure Ilya had no idea it even happened. A stranger cast the spell and Ilya hasn’t shown a single indication of knowing it happened in months.
But that’s also sort of the issue with their relationship now. Ilya couldn’t figure out that Shane got body snatched in months. And that entire time, Shane’s been locked inside his own skull watching as he’s the butt of every joke, as his reputation’s been shredded without Ilya caring, as he’s not been consulted on a single decision Ilya makes, as his every issue was solved with Ilya bending him over the nearest flat surface and fucking him right. He can’t. He can’t do this right now. Maybe not ever again.
I don’t think there’s a happy ending you could claw out of this one. Like. His marriage would be annulled because he didn’t actually consent to it. His contract with the Centaurs would be invalid for the same reason. But I don’t see him being able to go back to hockey after this, at least not immediately. Like. He’d need time to deal with the fact that he got turned into a glorified fuck doll and everyone in his life told him how they liked him so much better like this. It’d be a very miserable and painful road forward.
I’m currently rereading Mark of Athena and specifically chapters 17-20. The second batch of Annabeth POV chapters.
Because me and my account here are so focused on Percy, I sometimes forget how much Annabeth’s writing also suffered in these books, which is especially sad since moa is supposed to be her book and since it’s the first time we’ve ever gotten chapters from her POV.
Like, this was supposed to be Annabeth’s Son of Neptune.
Instead, it became her…well, her Mark of Athena.
Because, wow, these four chapters can be really rough at times and remind me how Annabeth, who is my third favourite character if we go strictly by the PJO books, doesn’t even make my Top 5 overall Riordan verse characters and is only in my top ten because of how much I love her PJO portrayal. Simply Hoo Annabeth would probably not make it.
There are just so many things in these four chapters alone that (more or less) bother me about her general portrayal in hoo or are more minor examples of ongoing annoying trends in her writing.
I’m probably going to split this into multiple posts because this might take a while.
Annabeth's & Percy's relationship portrayal:
My first issue would be the way Percy’s and Annabeth’s relationship is handled. Something which sadly negatively reflects on their individual characters, and, in this specific case, more on Annabeth than Percy.
There is this trend in Heroes of Olympus and onwards, where various different characters imply that Annabeth needs to keep Percy in check, or that Percy is not as smart as Annabeth:
But she could see why Annabeth liked him, and she could definitely see why Percy needed Annabeth in his life. If anybody could keep a guy like that under control, it was Annabeth. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 10, Piper)
“Right,” Piper said. “Bacchus told us we should seek out…what was his name?” “Phorcys,” Percy said. Annabeth looked surprised, like she wasn’t used to her boyfriend having the answers. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 11, Piper)
‘Oh, obviously,’ Reyna said. ‘Without you, I doubt Percy could find his way out of a paper bag.’ ‘True,’ Annabeth agreed. (House of Hades, Chapter 76, Percy)
‘So this is why Annabeth is the brains of the operation, then?’ ‘Shut up, Grace.’ (Blood of Olympus, Chapter 25)
And while sentences like this are annoying enough on their own, they get worse when they’re from Annabeth’s POV. As is sadly the case in this chapter:
Annabeth shivered. She loved the architecture here. The houses and the gardens were very beautiful, very Roman. But she wondered why beautiful things had to be wrapped up with evil history. Or was it the other way around? Maybe the evil history made it necessary to build beautiful things, to mask the darker aspects. She shook her head. Percy would hate her getting so philosophical. If she tried to talk to him about stuff like that, his eyes glazed over. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 18, Annabeth)
Like, I’m sorry, but that is just such a gross mischaracterization of Percy and Annabeth and their relationship.
One of the main reasons why their relationship is so enjoyable and why I personally love their friendship in PJO is because they treat each other as equals. They fight sometimes, and can unintentionally hurt each other, but the trust and respect they have for each other is omnipresent and one of the cores of their relationship, whether platonic or romantic.
Yet, in Heroes of Olympus, Annabeth thinks Percy wouldn’t engage in philosophical conversations with her? That his eyes would glaze over over a topic as simple as “Are beautiful things wrapped up with evil history or are beautiful things used to mask evil history”?
That her boyfriend, a guy who listens to her ramble on about architecture, a topic he personally has no interest in, so much that he has a habit of remembering random facts about it, wouldn’t engage her in a question she’s interested in?:
“He modeled that after his mom,” I said, looking up at the statue. Clarisse frowned at me. “Who?” “Bartholdi,” I said. “The dude who made the Statue of liberty. He was a son of Athena, and he designed it to look like his mom. Annabeth told me, anyway.” Clarisse rolled her eyes. Annabeth was my best friend and a huge nut when it came to architecture and monuments. I guess her egghead facts rubbed off on me sometimes. (The Demigod Files: The Stolen Chariot)
"Seven hundred feet tall," I said. "Built in the 1930s." (…) Zoe stared at us. "How do you know all that?" "Annabeth," I said. "She liked architecture." (…) It seemed like cruel fate that we'd come to Hoover Dam, one of Annabeth's personal favorites, and she wasn't here to see it. (Titan’s Curse, Chapter 14)
The same guy who sometimes has thoughts like this?:
But Percy didn’t feel powerful. The more heroic stuff he did, the more he realized how limited he was. He felt like a fraud. I’m not as great as you think, he wanted to warn his friends. His failures, like tonight, seemed to prove it. Maybe that’s why he had started to fear suffocation. It wasn’t so much drowning in the earth or the sea, but the feeling that he was sinking into too many expectations, literally getting in over his head. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 31, Percy)
And the same guy who said this? :
"Hestia," I said, "I give this to you as an offering." The goddess tilted her head. "I am the least of the gods. Why would you trust me with this?" "You're the last Olympian," I said. "And the most important." "And why is that, Percy Jackson?" "Because Hope survives best at the hearth," I said. "Guard it for me, and I won't be tempted to give up again." The goddess smiled. (The Last Olympian, Chapter 17)
It makes Annabeth seem entirely ignorant to the type of person Percy is and makes it seem as if she has a really low opinion of him, which is such mischaracterization bs. That’s her best friend, the guy whom she has known since she was twelve and the guy with whom she has faced countless dangers. If there’s one person who should never underestimate or understate Percy’s intelligence it should be her (together with Grover, Sally, Rachel, etc. but this is not about them right now)
But regarding relationships this is not my only problem in these chapters.
Annabeth's other relationships:
Now, I really hope I’m phrasing this right and that I manage to get my point across clearly.
A pretty huge problem for Annabeth’s characterization throughout Heroes of Olmpus for me is that while her relationships with every single member of the seven except for Percy are incredibly shallow, the narrative still tries to pretend as if she is close to them without putting in the effort to make these relationships work.
There’s a lot of tell and don’t show in these books regarding that.
For example, we don’t really see Annabeth interact with Leo and Jason at all, but the narrative tells us that they highly respect her and accept her as their leader.
We don’t really see a lot of interactions between Piper and Annabeth, yet we are told they are best friends and incredibly close.
We barely see interactions between her and Frank and Hazel, yet the narrative tells us they 100% trust her and accept her as somewhat of a leader despite knowing her for only a day and despite the fact that up until a certain point, Annabeth hasn’t really done anything which would warrant this level of trust.
Now, please don’t get me wrong.
I obviously want Annabeth to have good and deep relationships with other characters, but I want them to feel earned. I want them to be real. I want them to mean something. I want to see them start and grow and develop.
I don’t want to just be told that they exist. I want to understand why and how they exist.
Annabeth especially is a character that thrives on her connections to other people. Her relationships to Percy and Luke respectively are two of the most important in the original five books. Also, some of her most emotionally powerful moments are triggered by her relationships and love to the people around her (her attacking Kronos in Luke’s body after Silena’s death and after he injured Chiron, her reaction to the Sirens, her reaction to Kronos using Luke’s body, etc.)
Compared to that, none of her new relationships (if you can even call them relationships) feel more than surface level.
Sometimes, I feel like as if Riordan simply wanted everyone to like, respect and get along with Annabeth, without putting in the effort to show why they would like, respect and get along with her. Which makes her new relationships seem incredibly cheap, unearned and surface level.
Two examples of that are in this chapter in the form of Frank and Nico.
Frank:
After Frank got stuck in the Chinese handcuffs in front of everyone, he goes to Annabeth to ask her to explain them to her:
“I don’t like being in the dark about this,” he muttered. “Could you show me the trick? I didn’t feel comfortable asking anyone else.” Annabeth processed his words with a slight delay. Wait…Frank was asking her for help? Then it dawned on her: of course, Frank was embarrassed. Leo had been razzing him pretty hard. Nobody liked being a laughingstock. Frank’s determined expression said he never wanted that to happen again. He wanted to understand the puzzle, without the iguana solution. Annabeth felt strangely honored. Frank trusted her not to make fun of him. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 17, Annabeth)
It’s admittedly a very small moment, however it exemplifies what I mean on a smaller scale. The narrative tries to tell us that Frank, a character who often heavily battles with insecurity, trusts Annabeth the most out of everyone else on the Argo II not to laugh at him, while giving us close to no reason why he would trust her more than the others.
Not only has he known her for only a single day, but, alongside everyone else, she already did laugh at him a couple minutes/ hours prior, exactly because of the handcuffs:
On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs. “Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.” Everybody busted out laughing. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 17, Annabeth)
Also, before arriving back at the Argo II, Percy, a person Frank has grown to respect and trust over the course of son of Neptune, someone he sees as family, and someone who on multiple occasions comforted him, literally offered to teach him:
“Chinese handcuffs,” Percy said. Frank, who was Chinese Canadian, looked offended. “How is this Chinese?” “I don’t know,” Percy said. “That’s just what it’s called. It’s like a gag gift.” “Come along, boys!” Kate called from across the hall. “I’ll show you later,” Percy promised. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 15, Percy)
Frank could have easily asked Percy the next day if he could show him. So, it makes very little sense for him to specifically ask Annabeth.
And this could have been easily solved by making Annabeth the one to go to Frank and offer her help. That would have painted Annbeth as the compassionate and thoughtful character she actually is and also given Frank a reason to trust and like her on a personal scale.
But relationship wise, the Hoo narrative oftentimes simply gives Annabeth relationships without making her or the story work for them. Which is such a disservice for her as a character and makes moments like this, which could have been really sweet, seem cheap and relationships, which had the potential to be emotionally powerful and cute, unearned.
Just imagine for a second how much worse and more boring some of Percy’s relationships in PJO and Hoo would be if the characters would have trusted him with their worries and insecurities from the get-go, without him having to prove himself as a trustworthy person first. (Like in the case of Annabeth, Zoe, Thalia, Nico, Clarisse, Reyna etc. or even more minor characters like Bianca, Carter, the ophiotaurus, the naiad at the ranch, etc.)
It is somewhat similar with Nico.
Nico:
Granted, this is a criticism better suited for how their relationship is depicted in later books, however it somewhat works here too, I think. (I hope)
While being in Charleston with Piper and Hazel, Annabeth has these thoughts regarding Nico:
In less than four days, unless they found him and freed him, Nico would be dead. Annabeth felt that deadline weighing on her, too. She’d always had mixed feelings about Nico di Angelo. She suspected that he’d had a crush on her ever since they rescued him and his big sister Bianca from that military academy in Maine; but Annabeth had never felt any attraction to Nico. He was too young and too moody. There was a darkness in him that made her uneasy. Still, she felt responsible for him. (Mark of Athena, Chapter 18)
While this isn’t 100% a positive depiction of Nico, it implies something which the narrative wants to be true, but isn’t actually true in the PJO books:
That Nico and Annabeth had a relationship throughout PJO, or at the very least enough interactions for Annabeth to feel responsible for him, for her to logically draw the conclusion that he has a crush on her and for allowing her to make general statements regarding his personality.
Sadly, this isn’t exactly the case.
Throughout the entirety of the five Percy Jackson books and the various PJO short stories, Annabeth and Nico were at the same place for only four chapters during Battle of the Labyrinth and most of their interactions, if they ever took place, happened entirely off-screen. If my memory serves me right, they interact on page one single time, while on Geryon’s farm.
Which means that Nico has as many on screen interactions with Annabeth as he does with Juniper, which makes this thought process a bit shallow to me.
And what makes me mad is that instead of using Heroes of Olympus to actually build a relationship between them, or show them interacting in meaningful ways, the narrative simply pretends as if they already did. (Which admittedly becomes more obvious in Boo and afterwards. Not that obvious in mark of Athena, but I’m nitpicky because I already know the other books, these couple chapters piss me off a bit and I think they could have had a really sweet relationship if the story would have actually cared enough to build it.)
Oh so you're telling me that Ilya "Loverboy" Rozanov wouldn't give up some of his pay to make sure his favorite person on Earth is given the respect and acknowledgement he deserves?? You're telling me Ilya "Shane's Baby" Rozanov wouldn't want to share the spotlight and bask in the glory of building a new franchise with the love of his life after Shane is iced out of the team he built up from scratch?? You're telling me Ilya "Shane Hollander Fan Club President" Rozanov would make fun of Shane for losing his captaincy and be okay with people treating Shane as lesser than him?? You're telling me THAT'S your happy ending?? Are you insane???
i find the objections to discussions of troy barrett's probable racism so funny because you guys are just straight up exposing yourselves as bad readers. "troy is never racist—" except he is. he is textually racist to adrian dela cruz, who isnt even a real character that appears on the page and exists solely within his mind as a vaguely brown, allegedly shallow and selfish ex. at one point troy goes "wow adrian and harris are complete opposites, adrian has dark hair and golden skin and puts on a fake smile, harris is pale and so ✨innocent✨" and this develops into a multi-paragraph treatise on all the way he thinks harris is superior which somehow neglects to provide any concrete examples of adrian being a bad boyfriend. just vibes and racism. and no, cheating on a bigoted white hockey player does not count lol
wait. actually, i will allow people to have one (1) objection to these discussions and it's that they're barely scratching the surface. the game changers series does this funny and unfortunately common thing where its white protagonists are accidentally written to be racist because they reflect the white author's racism. ryan price's fetishization of brown west asian men, for example, is meant to convey that he's not over fabian, his childhood crush. but it's just racist and gross. ilya calling shane "pretty like a doll" and his attitude toward shane's heritage ("japanese or something," which is where he gets his looks from...? rachel what does that mean) are meant to be cute and innocent, but reading that for the first time legitimately made my skin crawl. what are these white man doing. where are the sensitivity readers hello????
and tbh i wouldnt mind it as much if these things were written with intentionality, as purposeful flaws that relate to the overarching themes. i wouldnt even mind if more people applied death of the author to this series and discussed the textual racism as a feature of the books, to critique this series as an obvious expression of the racial empathy gap. but like you guys dont do that. you emphatically refuse to do that
Would the Centaurs Actually Like Ilya By The Long Game?
So, TLG has the fans being wild for Ilya and everyone on the team admiring and liking him, but is that actually reasonable?
When Ilya came to the Centaurs, he took a substantial portion of their salary cap (likely 16%-18% of the cap for 4% of the roster), a salary that was 2x+ more than any of the other players, and he wanted the C.
And then he apparently does the minimum as a leading player until the plane crash, refusing to attend team events to build bonds or lead his line.
Wyatt was a great goalie, and was regularly stopping forty shots or more to keep them from losing to badly. Ilya was still scoring plenty of goals, but it wasn't enough. He couldn't be the whole team.
This is a crazy take. If Ilya was a winger, fine, but he's the superstar center. It's his job to lead the offense as a playmaker. That means not only scoring goals himself, but getting his line going. Even in his best season, Ovechkin had 0.79 goals per game. Crosby's highest points per game in a season was 1.68 (Ovi, as a winger, was 1.51 because hockey is a team game, not heroball). Ilya is out here going, 'I'm scoring my 0.8 goals per game' while not setting up assists for his teammates, and you are telling me that his teammates don't care? That they wouldn't view this as him playing for highlights instead of playing for wins?
You are telling me that a Canadian hockey media market isn't pressing him on his tiny goals-to-assist ratio? No, everyone is just so happy this special hockey boy came to their team and then didn't improve it's record for years? And apparently can't work with anyone on the team?
Also, as soon as Ilya decides to start being present in the locker room after the plane crash, the team does a 180 and becomes good enough to knock out the reigning Stanley Cup champions in the playoffs. So, they had the assets for success and were being held back by dysfunctional chemistry. Doesn't that suggest that Ilya was a negative part of the team culture before? Wouldn't his teammates have resented him wanting the C and then not setting the mentality?
There's really no point to all this, and I don't think this reflects on Ilya's character. I think it's just more evidence that the hockey is treated as nonsense in these books.
that one scene with galina near the beginning of tlg: it's not very fair, ilya shouldn't have to choose between his hockey career and his relationship!
