post break up kiss + jimon 👀
you’re all horrible people for immediately asking for the saddest one. also for @vexedcer and @itsmichellejonesbitch.
jimon + 1. post break-up kiss
“Jace, are you paying attention?” Alec asks, exasperated. Jace startles, and takes a deep breath.
“Uh,” He frowns, “no. Sorry. What...what am I supposed to be doing?” Alec rolls his eyes and raises an eyebrow, his eyes sliding to what Jace is looking at - Raphael and Simon talking to Magnus, who’s gesturing expansively as he explains where he wants the two vampires to stand.
“They’re not together.” Alec says casually. “If that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I’m not.” Jace murmurs, looking at Simon again. He looks good. The shirt is new, a soft purple shirt that Jace doesn’t remember ever seeing in Simon’s closet.
“Sure.” Alec’s eyes are sympathetic. “Well, if you’re not wondering about that, then can you at least pay attention to what you’re supposed to be doing?”
“Warlock weddings are so complicated.” Jace says halfheartedly. Alec snorts.
“You’re not wrong,” he says, “but I kind of like it. It’s really - there’s so many things they do for luck. It’s nice, you know? To think that almost everyone is playing some part to make the day happier.”
Jace laughs softly at the wistful look on Alec’s face, and he clasps Alec’s shoulder. “Yeah, it is pretty nice.” He admits. He’s so happy for Alec; their parabatai bond has never been more exuberant from Alec’s end then in these last few months, between the engagement and the planning of the wedding - both the Shadowhunter one and the warlock one.
Between Alec being the head of the Institute and Magnus being the High Warlock of Brooklyn, there’s a lot of important people to invite and rituals to follow. Jace - is not really sure. He just knows he’s supposed to wear gold to the Shadowhunter wedding, and midnight blue to the warlock wedding, and in both he’s supposed to present Alec with symbolic items.
Simon, on the other hand - Jace glances over. He’ll be sitting in the front at the Shadowhunter one, in the first row, making a statement on Alec’s part - that he’s both a powerful Downworlder and Alec’s good friend. At the warlock wedding, Magnus has him and Raphael doing something that involves standing a particular star shaped formation and doing a spell traditionally reserved for familial blessings.
It’s sweet that Magnus considers them family, and Simon obviously thinks so; he’s beaming at Magnus, his entire demeanor suffused with happiness. Simon loves weddings; he’d told Jace, under the covers, admitted that his father raised him a romantic, and he knows its just a silly ceremony, but it means something, and doesn’t Jace see that?
For Simon, Jace had seen that. For him, Jace had seen everything - marriage, a house, children, a dog, a cat, a future.
“You’re getting maudlin.” Alec interrupts his thoughts. “Are you sure you’re okay being here so soon after your breakup?”
“I’m fine.” Jace shrugs. “We’re adults. You guys mean a lot to us. Our problems are - “
“Are important too.” Alec finishes for him. He peers carefully at Jace, and prods across the parabatai bond, Jace flinches back. “You know you’re allowed to be happy with him, right?”
“He doesn’t love me.” Jace says quietly in response, crossing his arms and looking back at Simon, who’s now engaged in needling Raphael about something or the other, judging by the stoic but vaguely amused expression on the clan leader’s face. “He’s in such a good place, and I was dragging him down.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. Hold this.” Alec instructs, unwinding a bolt of blue cloth. “I need to create foci for everyone involved in the ceremony.” Jace obliges, holding the roll in his hands as Alec measures across it, frowning. “Is that really why you broke up? I thought you guys fought.”
“No.” Jace says absently. They hadn’t really. Jace had made the decision for the both of them; he’d spent day after day fighting demons and battling nightmares, and Simon had been - thriving. He’d made up with the Clan, he’d started campaigning for Downworlder rights, he and Alec had officially cemented his liaison status, and his music had been doing better than ever.
I’m not part of that equation. Jace had told Simon steadily. It’s over.
Jace is a soldier; he’s been bred to be stoic and unaffected, and he knew how to smirk before he knew how to really smile. Simon, brave and beautiful Simon, had looked like he’d been hit in the chest by a train. Jace had felt it, hadn’t been able to breathe for a moment because Simon was the love of his life. Still is, but he hasn’t told Simon that. He’s let him go, like a normal person would do; let him go so he can be the better person he was always meant to be, someone who was always going to be miles out of Jace’s league.
Simon looks back at him, and just for a second his expression crumbles, his eyes crushed and heartbroken, and Jace looks away. It’s better in the long run for everyone, for Simon if it’s like this. It’s one of the most cliche things Jace has ever chosen to believe in, but it’s a cliche for a reason - because it’s true.
“Have you considered,” Alec says carefully, too carefully, “that Simon is a grown adult who can make his own choices about what’s good for him or bad for him?”
“It’s not that simple.” Jace says, and then when Alec looks guilty and opens his mouth again he frowns, putting the bolt of cloth down. “Did Simon put you up to this?”
Alec looks away, shrugging. “I wouldn’t say put me up to it,” he says quietly, “you’re sad, and he’s sad - “
“Alec - “ Jace says with growing dread, and his heart starts to speed up as all the misery he’s been holding back about losing Simon floods in; his hands start to shake.
“You were so happy, and he - “ Alec continues, still pushing, and Jace is being crushed under the weight of his mistakes, and then suddenly Simon is by his side in an instant like a knight in shining armor, muttering “It’s okay, it’s okay, Alec, you don’t have to, it’s okay.”
“Simon.” Alec says in surprise. “I thought you were okay with me talking to him.”
Simon has his hands out, gazing carefully at Jace, who’s frozen in panic. “You’re okay,” he says, his voice low and soothing, “breathe for me, Jace, you’re okay. I won’t push about this again. It’s okay, Alec,” he repeats, turning slightly, “it’s freaking him out and that’s the last thing I wanted, you don’t have to - “
“You were listening?” Jace finally manages to ask hoarsely. Simon looks at him strangely, and out of the corner of his vision he can see Alec backing away slowly, heading towards Magnus and giving them some privacy in the corner of the pavilion.
“Vampire hearing?” He says, puzzled. “I can’t really help it. And I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked Alec to talk to you, I totally respect your decision to - “ He falters, his confidence breaking for the first time. “You know.”
“Right.” Jace’s breathing is going back to normal, and he stares at Simon, his heart pounding loudly in his ears. “Because what I did to you was so fair that you’re apologizing to me - “ He sounds hysterical, even to his own ears, but he’s tired, so very tired, and Magnus and Alec are getting married, and he misses the feeling of waking up next to Simon.
Simon’s mouth parts, but he doesn’t say anything at first. Jace’s eyes flick to Simon’s lips, still as soft-looking as he remembers them, and Simon swallows convulsively. He’s uncertain, his eyes frighteningly honest, and it breaks Jace’s heart all over again.
“Well, yeah.” Simon finally says, his voice low. “You’re clearly uncomfortable, and I - I don’t ever want to make you feel like - I want you to be happy, and that - “
Jace can’t hear anything past the rushing in his ears; he fists his hands in Simon’s shirt and yanks him forward, crushing their mouths together with all the pent-up desperation from the last few weeks. Simon lets out a pained, shuddering breath under him, and then he presses back equally as desperately, like it’s the last time he’ll get to do this. His hands are everywhere, skimming up Jace’s back, tugging at the base of his hair, sliding up the warm skin of his neck. Jace presses closer, slides an arm around Simon’s waist, and lines them up flush together, in the way he knows Simon likes, where his heartbeat echoes through both of their chests, pressed as close as possible. The kiss is sad and heartbroken and beautiful all at once, and Jace tries to pour all his love for Simon into it, tries to make it mean as much as his battered heart has to give.
“Jace,” Simon gasps, sounding like he’s drowning as he pulls away, “please, I - “
“Will you take me back?” Jace asks hoarsely. “I’m sorry, I know what I did was stupid and awful, but I’m selfish and I - I want this, us, back - “
“Yes,” Simon nods fervently, a grin spreading on his face and his eyes lighting up, “yes, yes, yes to all of it. Always, I - I love you, you have to know that, you idiot.”
“I love you too.” Jace breathes out, and he tugs Simon close and kisses him again, and for the first time in weeks he feels like himself again.