Chronically Ill and 24/7 D/s?
Dominance and submission isn't always a glamorous life. It isn't always a completely healthy couple participating either.
Which makes it hard to see D/s relationships online, because everyone posts the perfect pictures or the perfect videos 99% of the time. And sometimes it makes me feel awful. I feel as if the second Dom asks for my body I need to give it to him, and when I say no I’m failing as a fiance, a submissive, and a feminine-leaning nonbinary. Not because of how he’s raised me as a submissive, but because of how the internet has shaped my views on submissives. Because of growing up in the southern bible belt. But I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that not everything that one couple does is what our relationship has to be like.
I don't have to submit my body every time Dom asks as soon as he asks. I can say no. I can say "no, my body hurts too much right now" because my chronic illnesses have flared during the week and are leaving me stiff and unable to have sex. I can say no, I just don't want to. I have that right.
D/s is also Dom making sure I have salt at 2 am when he gets home from work, because my levels like to crash around that time. Or that I'm drinking enough water because POTS likes to suck the water out of my body faster than I drink it.
It's insuring I'm doing the proper exercises so I'm not subluxing more joints than I normally am, or running a bath for me to soak after helping me wash the medications off of my legs because I can't have it on any other part of my body.
Instead of holding my hand crossing the road, it's making sure I don't walk out of the house without my cane (which, admittedly, does occasionally happen). It's pushing my wheelchair when my dysautonomia flares and makes me dizzy, even though the handlebars are too low for him and we're working to get extensions.
It's not always glamorous. It's not always pretty. But it does always make me feel cared for and loved, which was part of the reason we entered into a Contract in the first place.
