[ECLIPSE WEEK!!]
[Day 7 : Free day]
[ @solar-eclipse-week ]
[Tw?? : visible eye damage]
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seen from United States

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[ECLIPSE WEEK!!]
[Day 7 : Free day]
[ @solar-eclipse-week ]
[Tw?? : visible eye damage]
[ECLIPSE WEEK!!]
[Day 6 : (forged) Promise]
[ @solar-eclipse-week ]
Wyvtpzl?
.. / .--. .-. --- -- .. ⌠.
solar eclipse day fivw @solar-eclipse-week i dont have the energy for the formatting rn
Heart was incredibly distraught today. He was being bombarded by things he didn't want to remember. Ever since breaking the vase, he couldn't stop thinking about all of his horrible violent outbursts, all the times he'd hurt Mind one way or another, all the times he'd lied. God, he'd lied so much.Â
I'm sorry, he remembered saying. It had been some stormy night and he'd left Mind's windows open earlier in the day, resulting in soaked bedding and a ruined book. Heart hadn't had a great day, and neither had Mind, with Cacophony blurring the very edges of their visions. Mind had yelled and cried and pulled at his hair, and Heart had stood and rolled his eyes and tapped his impatient foot until Mind shut up so he could utter the more sarcastic, insincere I'm sooo sorry that he hated now. That argument had been close to that day. It was not even seventy hours later that they were so cruelly separated andâŚÂ
Heart sobbed into his hands. He missed Mind awfully today. He wished Mind was alive and here with him. He wished they could take care of each other and hold each other like they used to, watch movies like they used to, talk softly and cook and bake and lay and do all the other things like they used to. He couldn't bear the fact that he hadn't been doing his best for Mind in their last moments.Â
He thought he was speaking, but he couldn't hear himself. He thought he was wailing, but the only audible thing was the ringing that had started right after the vase.Â
He was sorry now. He was so sorry that he hadn't been the person Mind deserved, that he hadn't been what he swore he'd be. He was sorry for every little thing. For using the last of the milk and not saying something, for hogging the couch, for hurting plants when he'd collapsed in the garden, for⌠for everything.Â
If he saw Mind tomorrow, would he be granted forgiveness?Â
It was a silly thought, but maybe if he thought hard enough, he could manifest Mind back into existence. If he imagined really hard, Mind could appear beside him, or behind him, or in front of him, and they could hug and kiss like they'd always done. Oh, Heart couldn't take it, he needed to have Mind back some way or another. He needed to get out of the miserable place he was in now and find a way to feel close to Mind again somehow. Visit his grave, or something, he had to! He had to! Nothing else would do today! Heart sniffled and wiped his eyes aggressively.Â
Clumsily, he shoved some clothes and some loose bills into a bag and stumbled out of the house. Mind's grave wasn't far. Just a couple of minutes if he didn't trip over his feet every couple seconds. The building he wanted to visit, however, was quite far, several days of walking and guessing where he was going. But that was in the future, and this was now, and he was knelt in front of Mind's headstone. He ran his hand over the engraving. The Mind Electric, 2001â2027, loved immensely and missed dearly. It had taken everything he had to pay for this. There were some days he regretted it, where he couldn't eat three meals a day and he hated himself for wasting money on someone who was long gone anyway, but there were other days where he thought there was nowhere else that his money should have gone. Mind had always deserved the best in his life, and since Heart didn't give that to him, he had deserved the best in death. Not even this was the best Heart could have given. He could have gone for one of the shiny and smooth ones that he'd always wanted for himself, but he'd saved a little money to use for essentials. What a great idea that had been. These days, Heart could hardly pick himself up to brush his teeth. He probably had cavities. If he would eventually become disgusting anyway, he should have bought the best tombstone the world had ever seen.Â
Heart poked at the dirt. There was no body under it, of course. Soul had practically vaporized Mind. It was the worst thing Heart had ever seen. But at least he didn't need to see his lover truly dead, he figured. He would have plucked his own eyes out if he saw that. It was bad enough that Heart had ever seen him bleeding and drowning in azure and trying to choke out some hate. That sight haunted Heart even today. To see those eyes blank and glossy, to see that body twitch to stillness, to see death would kill him.Â
There was no use in saying anything. Mind couldn't hear him, and he'd just sound crazy to anyone who happened to pass. So instead he thought, I'm sorry Mind. I really am. I'm sorry I let you go. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry we didn't get out like we'd said we would. I'm sorry you're gone. I'm sorry that I'm gone too. Would you be ashamed of me if you were here? Ashamed of me for being but a corpse now? I hope not. I'm sorry, Mind, that my love wasn't strong enough to save us. I'm sorry.Â
He sobbed again. He couldn't help it. The feeling in his chest was similar to that he'd had in Apathy. A depressed hollow that he was sure could never fill. The ache was the same, that of loss and regret and guilt. Maybe he could make up for this somehow. Maybe. But first, the building.Â
He started walking.Â
[ECLIPSE WEEK!!]
[Day 5 : (sincere) Apology]
[ @solar-eclipse-week ]
[Heart Apologizing to Mind for waking him while walking around the house-]
[noisy ass bird-]
Solar Eclipse Week â Day 4: Metal â [] words â @solar-eclipse-week
Mind had been doing very good at pretending he didn't miss Heart when he was out. At work, at the store, on the bus, anywhere that was not his apartment. No one could have figured that there was someone that left a gaping hole in his chest. This he was proud of. But as soon as he was home his face crumpled into something miserable, and as soon as all the responsibilities were over with he was curled on his bed and trying not to cry. He realized, one night when he could hardly breathe, that he wasn't only mourning Heart, but a version of himself that he'd never get back. He couldn't explain exactly how he'd changed, but he knew he had, and he hated it. How could he get back the version of himself that Heart had loved? Even if just for a couple seconds, Mind wanted to feel like the man he used to be. But how could he do that, especially now? He was falling apart, figuratively and literally. All his plates were coming loose, and the ones on his arms were dented beyond belief. Forget his hands. The fingers wouldn't bend properly all the time anymore, and not all the oil in the world would stop the horrid creaking that came with each movement. He'd broken a cup recently because his grip suddenly failed. He was scared to work because he didn't know what he would mess up. He was scared to wash his hair because his hand could very well fall off and tangle in it. He was scared to do anything because he could fall apart at any moment. He didn't even have the screwdriver he needed to use to tighten the plates.Â
Heart, if he were here, would no doubt coax Mind into a chair and tend to him for hours until everything was right again. Heart, if he were here, would no doubt help. But Heart was gone, and there was no one else that Mind trusted to touch him. No one else could move around wires the way Heart used to. No one else could be careful around the eyes the way Heart used to be. No one.Â
Mind missed Heart so much. He was sure that eventually it would be the only thing he could think about. Eventually the pain would consume him and he would be a brainless husk capable only of tears. How could he fix this? How could he get himself on the right track again? How could he possiblyâŚÂ
He needed to forget Heart. It would be so simple. So easy.Â
The thought filled him with guilt and disgust. How could he think that? How dare he treat the memory of Heart as something disposable?Â
But how dare he let himself be this way? He should respect himself more. And if he could just bring himself to delete every single memory until this point that involved his Heart, then maybe he could finally heal his heart.Â
Okay. He needed to forget Heart. He was going to forget Heart.Â
He took off the bracelets and stopped the CD. He needed to get rid of Heart.Â
He put everything back in the box and sighed. He couldn't just kill the memory of Heart without doing anything first. It felt so⌠anticlimatic. He should remember everything about Heart first and then forget him. Feel all the pain and release it at once. A complete reset. And then he could maybe find someone else to do all the things that Heart had ever done for him.Â
He didn't want anyone else. He wanted Heart. He missed Heart. He needed Heart.
He'd had a headstone for Heart put in the cemetery near his apartment. It hurt him to pass it every day, but now he was glad it was so close. He had to go there. And then he probably had to go to the building where they'd gotten together, just to feel everything one more time. Feel Heart's love, or the illusion of Heart's love, so strongly one more time. One last time. That would take a couple days. He'd moved himself as far away from anything related to Heart and Soul for fear of hurting too terribly if he stayed near.Â
Mind accepted it now that this entire thing would hurt him until he could forget. Pain, even for someone like him, was an unavoidable thing. It'd be smarter to recognize that than spend any precious time denying it. And that's what time was now, precious, because he needed to take time to forget, and the time left after that would be spent finally truly living again, and the more time he could spend alive, the better.Â
Just his wallet and a couple of necessities were thrown into a bag, and just that was dropped into his passenger seat. When getting into the car, he apparently slammed the door too hard, which vibrated his arm too hard, as the plate that made up his inner forearm fell off. He grit his teeth and threw it angrily out the window. He didn't need that thing anyway.Â
An indirect apology (day 4: repaired metal)
@solar-eclipse-week
Heart/juno and mind/ nimbus uses he/it
Solar Eclipse Week Day 4 - Repaired Metal
@solar-eclipse-week
A little late today but here's day 2 and three (new photos + awful flowers)
(Second photo under cut contains blood and other hanahaki typical warnings)
@solar-eclipse-week