Just a Lost Boy

JKook. 22. Photographer. " Daydream Bigger. " ♥ KT'S Joker ♥

[jkookrk]

rkharuto​:

❛ happy birthday to you

while he most likely knew that jeongguk was joking when he spoke about beating people up, haruto still had to frown just a little, “i don’t think i’d want to tell you about it if you’re going to beat someone up.” he’d rather stay out of the way of that one. and besides, no had really told him that he should be worrying about girls and kissing or aything in the first place. it was just hiw own worries that he seemed to be the only one not worried about any of that stuff. 

though the ruffle of his hair was short, haruto was still greatly annoyed but it, reaching to try and swat the hand away the moment it came too close. though he was just a little slow, huffing as jeongguk managed to get away with it without a slap to the hand. “quit ruffling my hair i’m not a baby.” 

“still, its awkward when everyone starts talking about their girlfriends and then i’m just… there,” during those conversations he was just quiet and didn’t really pay any attention, all of his attention just fixed to his phone screen. 

jeongguk laughs at how literal haruto tends to always take his jokes. "i wouldn't actually hurt them physically, no worries. i'm just joking," he reassures the younger male with a smile. going back to enjoying his coffee he finds that this kind of talk is refreshing. it feels like a bit of a bonding activity, even if it happened randomly. all he had wanted was to gift haruto something nice for his birthday.

not that he minded this turn of events though.

a grin on his lips he takes another sip from his cup, feeling just a little too mischievous after hearing haruto grumble. "i know you're not. i don't see you as one either. you're just younger than me so i feel a bit like a protective hyung at times that just likes to show affection," he explains. even though he is sure haruto will still tell him not to touch his hair.

his off-handed comment gets jeongguk thinking though. he couldn't deny that. "what if you try to be a bit empathetic? i mean- you can talk with people about things that personally don't interest you but you can try to understand why they find it so interesting? does that make sense?"

[jkookrk]

rkjimin​:

★。you never walk alone.

[ ... ]

after a pause, he rights his posture and continues, “if you put your thumb on the roof of your mouth, it should stop the brain-freeze. supposedly, something about the temperature difference stops it from hurting.” he remembers the small trick all too well from his childhood.

he gladly makes a fool out of himself if it gets jimin to smile like this. his laughter makes the pain bearable, even if he does feel stupid for the strong slap of karma gave him there for stealing his hyung's ice cream. squinting an eye open to look at jimin he can't help but laugh, the half crunched down waffel still in his mouth while the chocolate and ice cream continue to melt away uselessly.

he does his best to chew and swallow first, still groaning as he tries to shake his mind clear again. "what?! that sounds ridiculous," he counters, not sure if jimin was messing with him or if he was being serious.

giving the other a rather doubtful look he considers his options. it was jimin after all, so jeongguk had technically no reason to distrust him. but his hyung had beem surprising him more and more at the most unexpected moments. there was no doubt his mischievous nature and confidence was rubbing off on him.

he still complied, looking beyond ridiculous with the way he twisted his hand, pressing the patch if his thumb against his gums while trying to talk around it. "ike chis?"

[jkookrk]

rkiny​:

♡ ₊˚ to lean on.

[ ... ]

     jungkook was strong. jungkook had fire. if she can’t be strong, she’s happy that he can.

     “it is wrong, i’ll never disagree with you on that— i’ve pushed myself too hard plenty of times, withstood hours of work while sick and shivering, and it doesn’t feel good but…maybe, for me at least, it’s barrable because there aren’t always other options,” she admits, gaze cast down, fingers wringing together. “we can dislike it all we want…but we’re still here, right? feeding into it?” she’s silent, unsure of her own voice. “maybe that’s just how things are for now…”

he exhales a long, harsh breath through his nose when he's done venting. receiving confirmation from iny feels reassuring but it also does little to help him cope with the situation. the way she instead highlights exactly what the fear of all these trainees is and why they continue to reach inhuman expectations makes his blood boil even more.

"we're so young. there is a whole world full of possibilities open to us. you are so talented and brilliant in your own way, nuna. there is so much else you could do than let them crush your self confidence. be it as an indie artist or a vocal trainer or heading back to uni to finish studying something else you always wanted to do- what could stop you from doing any of these things if not for some random, underpaid sadists telling you that you suck?" it is an honest question. one he had often asked himself.

jeongguk has a career he could return to, he didn't need kt to get modeling gigs or earn money. perhaps that was precisely why he was able to lean so far out of this toxic scheme. "what do you think would happen if you just brushed them off and worked according to your own satisfaction? I promise you nothing in their attitude would change. If you can't satisfy them, why should you listen to what they say?"

[jkookrk]

『 NSG’s Jeongguk 』 ⇢ NSG 127 October 2K20 | +5 CH ; +3 DB  ⇢ Jeongguk off to their hairsalon

“ Here went nothing. ”

it had been a while since jeongguk had gone to the hairstylist. getting his hair cut was always a hassle for the dancer. with how stubborn and naturally curly it was he just knew the poor stylists would have a tough time handling it.

getting it straightened permanently seemed like an option but he hoped they wouldn't resolve to that method. his hair always turned so thin and bouncy and frizzy when perma straightened. in short: jeongguk knew he was cursed with very difficult and stubborn hair.

"finally a true challenge," he gets as a reaction instead, leaving him to blink at the stylist, who looked about ready to conquer a country. "well... i'm glad you find it enjoyable," the soon to debut idol jests, a smile on his lips.

with the stylist laughing, he can't help but chuckle along, enjoying the way she ruffles his hair affectionately almost. "i've seen way worse, don't you worry. for as troublesome as those curls are, you're doing a good job maintaining them."

words of praise being directed at him, jeongguk can't help but boost his chest up in fake pride. "thank you, thank you! I do try my best!"

"I just hope it won't frizz out too much when bleached." and just as quick as he boosted himself up he deflates again, turning just a little paler. "bleach?" he had come here not sure what to expect but now that he was faced with the reality of potentially getting hair like taemin had for their debut, he's not sure how he feels about it. the stylist only laughs at his shocked expression and ruffles his hair further.

"they didn't tell you what we do with your hair, huh?" shaking his head stoically he can't help but feel a little scared as his stylist continues to cackle away.

"well kiddo, no worries. you're in good hands." with her hands flat on his shoulders he doesn't doubt it, but it still does little to ease his worry. he supposed when they want to use bleach he at least wouldn't end up bald. so at the end of the day he was sure it would be fine.

and true to everything he did have a great time. chatting away lazily with the female and telling a bit about what he used to do for a living, time seemed to just pass them by. so before he knew it she turned him back to face the mirror, new hairstyle done and his reflection staring back at him. so this would be nsg's jeongguk.

a smile on his lips he leaned forward to inspect the cut and the soft shine of his strands. "i'd say you officially conquered my hair. well done, nuna."

"I'm taking it you like it?"

"I love it!"

[jkookrk]

rkgray​:

// work out face 🤪

[ ... ]

he grinned, leaned forward and grabbed the weight with both of his hands. “great, then let’s start.” without another word, he pushed the weight upwards. straightening his back and his shoulders, he let his eyes wander over his arms to make sure he was holding on right, as he worked on his biceps. groaning, he continued to pump, while keeping the posture right. working out was a relaxing activity to him, both health for body and mind, so injuring himself was definitely out of bounds. gray stuck out his tongue, veins popping on his neck, as he kept on pumping.

after some time, he settled the weight down again and loosened his limbs, as he caught his breath again. “how was it?” he asked shortly, while picking up his water bottle and taking a big gulp. “wanna try it too? it’s really refreshing.”

a confident smile on his lips, jeongguk was quite certain he could highlight gray in a very flattering light while working out. “have you not seen some of the guys in men’s health? I was aiming for a look like that. I think you can pull it off,” he reassures the elder male, arms folded across his chest.

as he watches gray he counts silently to himself, making sure to spot the other and actually fulfill the task given to him. being a fan of working out himself he can relate to the focus and concentration the other puts into his routine but there was something charismatic about how proficient gray was. that precisely was the one aspect he was so interested in capturing. 

when asked if he wanted to try it himself, jeongguk had to smile. “I got my own workout regime. I can’t lift as heavy as you do, hyung. but thanks for the offer!”

[jkookrk]

⇢ outgoing to: @rkjohnny [ dorm plant tour ]

jeongguk was familiar with some of these plants from when him and johnny had lived together. so moving into the dorm he half expected their patio to be a paradise of flowers and plants and that one cursed cactus that triggered his fight or flight response. 

out of joke he had proposed for johnny to give him a plant tour through the dorm. and really, he should have expected his pal to absolutely take him hundred percent seriously. if only to make sure he didn’t have to perform first aid on the guy again after he grabbed unabashedly into a cactus.

now- jeongguk still says it was better his hand suffer than his dog potentially having the scare of his lifetime but with how bad his decision making when drunk could be at times, he wouldn’t put it beyond himself to get into a similar situation again. not that johnny giving him a guide would lessen that possibility. but it could potentially put the male a little more at ease as well as let jeongguk know if one of those was actually dangerous for real.

[jkookrk]

rksihyeon​:

sia lets out a quiet sigh, but the expression on her face is amused.  " well .. hopefully it’s something that you start to learn about as you’re working on the evaluation.“ she regards jeongguk quietly with a twinkle in her eye.  ” we’re born in the same year, right? ‘97?“ tilting her head, she finally says, ” we should be the same then.  i’m the year of the ox, too.“

she remains quiet, her cheeks puffing out with a hint of disappointment.  it’d be nice to get a chance to work with her girlfriend as they haven’t had a chance to work on an evaluation together in months, but obviously this month would have been impossible for them to do that.  ” i don’t know anyone else who has leo as a zodiac sign.“ she finally says, shrugging her shoulders.  ” so i think i’m just going to work on this month’s evaluation solo.“

with a sheepish smile, she turns to him.  ” i just didn’t have many friends growing up, so … i learned a lot from other people online.  i guess it helped me build up who i am today.“  sia blinks, biting the inside of her cheek.  ” why are you looking at me like that?“

he exhales a doubtful noise. “I don’t think too much of zodiacs,” he admits openly. “I’ll make things work for the eval but I’m not sure anyone can spark my interest for these things.” mischievous smile leaving his lips he rubs at the back of his neck at his honestly. in his opinion majority of these things written there were overgeneralized either way. “but yeah, we’re the same year then.”

“it’s a shame it didn’t go by year. then we could have teamed up,” he tries to cheer her up. “but at least when you go solo, you can do whatever your heart desires, right?” attempting to highlight the positive aspects, he sends her a reassuring smile. he’s tentative with using too much of his natural charm, not wanting her to potentially feel like he was flirting with her after the history they shared.

when his eyes had turned a little too soft however he tried to put himself back into check, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. “just remembering how strong of a girl you are. it’s admirable.”

[jkookrk]

taeminrk​:

≺ damage control ≻*

[ ... ]

in the end, that’s why he decides to speak to jeongguk. if it were just impacting him, he could ignore it, but this is about nsg, not himself. it will always be about nsg, and taemin fighting to be the person they need, even if it’s unnatural, even if it’s uncomfortable. he wants them to succeed. he wants them all to love nsg, and maybe to even love one another, one day.

he is just as afraid they’ll never reach that as he is optimistic that they will.

it’s when he and jeongguk are alone in their shared room that taemin sees his opportunity. he decides to seize it before they’re apart again, trying to avoid each other like they have thus far.

“jeongguk-ssi,” he begins, and he sees no reason to beat around the bush with pleasantries before the question that really matters. they both know there’s a problem. best to deal with it as quickly as possible. “do you have a problem with me?” the words could be accusatory, but taemin’s voice isn’t– calm and neutral, maybe even curious.

@jkookrk – *

of course it had to be taemin. out of all the guys in the group he could have ended up in a room with it had to be the one he actually held a grudge against. jeongguk knew he’d have to sit down and talk with taemin sooner or later but the boy was lost on how to go about it. 

should he approach taemin? would taemin approach him? would they just pretend to be cool and play things up for the cameras and come to a mutual gentleman’s agreement that they’d avoid each other off-camera? 

the air was awkward between them but while U was still promoting and jeongguk remained left playing catch up on lines and choreography it had been easy to dive himself head first into work instead rather than ponder over the remaining unease between the two dancers. jeongguk had always been a master at pretending like things were fine and everything was okay but he also enjoyed being sarcastic, salty and sassy and letting people feel that things weren’t really all fine and dandy. 

so perhaps he was an asshole for coming into the dorm and feeling right at home with everyone while he remained cold towards taemin but honestly he still hadn’t forgiven the guy for being shut out like that.

that’s why at the end of the day he’s grateful when taemin approaches him. the ‘ssi’ tagged to the end of his name make him scoff before his leader even has the chance to ask a question he knows is coming. “quite frankly, yes,” he admits openly, seeing no point in beating around the bush when taemin came forward to have them finally talk about it. “I as wondering how to approach you about it.”

[golden-jeon-jungkook]

[jkookrk]

golden-jeon-jungkook​:

Jungkookie in MAP OF THE SOUL ON:E VCR 🌟

[jkookrk]

⇢ outgoing to: @rkxrm [ learning the choreo ]

the one part jeongguk was definitely the most excited about was learning the choreography. when he’d first gotten a peek at ‘firetruck’, back when the boys had been so kind to let him have a look, he’d been mad to not be able to be a part of it.

now he was and he was living.

not wanting to rat the others out, he purposely slowed his learning process down just a tad until the U boys could join him again, just so it wouldn’t seem suspicious how well versed he already was.

however once they were all together, jeongguk went ham on this choreography. sharp movements, precise execution, determination to make his title as ‘lead dancer’ all honors. most importantly however: he could finally help the weaker dancers without feeling like he was stepping out of line.

hands on namjoon’s shoulders the younger male grinned at him through the mirror, hoping to ease the frown away a little. “that one move still giving you trouble, hyung? want a hand?”

[jkookrk]

⇢ outgoing to: @rkjimin [ breaking the news ]

his bag feels particularly heavy when he heads home that day. the papers inside it weight like a ton with the change and gravity they will bring to the life of jimin and jeongguk. he knows how it feels. he’d been on the other side of the coin 10 months before and then again when jimin was supposed to debut in the group he was now going to debut in.

kt really fucking things up good for them but despite him holding a major grudge against that cursed company, he wanted to debut with his friends. ideally he had wished for jimin to be with them but seeing him slowly do better in sphere than he ever looked after being pulled into the experimental group in kt was enough for jeongguk to feel content. 

he knew they could make this work. now it was just a matter of making the first step.

“hyung?” his voice echoes tentatively in the apartment but instead of jimin it’s an overexcited teri that greets him, jumping up his legs and barking in good spirit. at least he could count on his puppy to break the feeling of dread slowly rooting him into the hallway.

[jkookrk]

『 Relieve 』 ⇢ NSG 127 October 2K20 | +5 D ; +3 DB   ⇢ Jeongguk having a bit of a mental breakdown

“ At last. He was home. ”

Learning the choreography and hearing the song, Jeongguk was more than excited. He loved both and the fact he had actual lines to contribute to the song himself was amazing to him. Confident in his skills he still remained aware the others had a lot more time to sharpen their skills and harness the extend of their potential compared to him. He was just raw sauce and passion. 

Passion to the point he almost couldn’t handle himself.

They had been practicing all together, dancing and learning the choreography. It was a day like just any other since he had moved into the dorm as they gathered together to reflect upon their performance and execution of the dance. The others were just going over a step, the rest of the dance line showing the others how to execute it properly when a wave of emotion came over him.

Jeongguk isn’t sure if it was the sense of belonging, the feeling of being home, in place, finally right between where he felt most at ease or if he was just tired from practice. He strongly leaned towards the first however when tears welled up in his eyes and just lowered his head before squatting down into a pile of relief. With his shoulders sagged and tiny sniffles, he cries silently, out of happiness for the most part. He had never considered himself a cry baby but when 10 months of constant spite and tension fell from his shoulders to get replaced by the wholesomeness of being part of nsg, he couldn’t keep himself together anymore.

Everyone around him, Aron tugging him straight into a protective hug, the question to what was wrong could only be answered with one tearful response.

“I’m just happy... I’m just so happy to finally be with you guys...”

Things weren’t perfect without Jimin here and Jeongguk would never forgive KT for that. But this was the closest to perfect it could get and to finally have this, most of his friends around him, debuting together with them, just drove tears to his eyes.

Finally. Finally.

[jkookrk]

⇢ outgoing to: @rkxkjd  [ post practice ]

sitting in the kitchen with his mug of tea, jeongguk admittedly feels a bit embarrassed for his earlier outburst. running a hand through his messy, half wet strands he looks at his phone, scrolling down instagram and wondering if he should text jimin.

things had been a rollercoaster of emotions for him and while he still very much hated kt for how badly they had fucked things up, he couldn’t deny he was happier now. feeling at home here in this dorm had come a lot easier than he expected.

when he hears footsteps and seees jongdae walk in, he can’t help but wonder if a deep talk is incoming. after all he knows his hyung is famous for those.

he holds up his mug in greeting, a smile on his lips. “hey jongdaddy. want some tea too?” 

[jkookrk]

⇢ outgoing to: @aronrk [ moving in ]

when jeongguk first enters the code and opens the door, it feels like he just came home. the layout of the apartment is almost identical to the one he shared with jimin but he knows it’s not the same. the furniture isn’t right, there is no teri rushing to him in greeting and the amount of shoes by the entrance are too many for a two person household.

“hello?” he calls into the space carefully. he knows they know he’s arriving with his first batch of clothes. a full packed suitcase and a large dufflebag are tossed over his shoulder that he drops to the ground so he can take his shoes off.

there are still a few boxes he’ll have to carry down but he was hoping he could potentially get a hand from the others as well. “anyone here yet?”

[jkookrk]

@rkevent​

When you arrive at KT Entertainment, one of your trainers immediately directs you to Katie Lee’s office. As expected, CEO Lee is seated behind her desk. She directs you to the empty chair across from her and waits for you to take the seat.

“So, here we are, Jeongguk.” She gives you a neutral smile. “You haven’t been a trainee here for too long, but during the time you spent with us you’ve worked really hard. I don’t keep up with trainees much, of course, but your coaches have relayed to me your efforts. You deserve a shot on the big stage and I think you might be ready for it.” Ms. Lee says, glancing down at her paperwork.

She closes the beige folder and sets it to one side, revealing a different set of paperwork underneath. “I’m sure you’re aware of our newest boy group, NSG, and how it works. It’s not the first time an idol group has had a member addition, but we work in a different way. I’d like for you to be part of NSG’s first fixed unit, and this” she pushes the paperwork toward you, turning it to face you, “has everything you need to know about it.”

“You’ll remain under your trainee contract until we’re closer to your debut. If you follow our expectations, then we’ll be meeting again.”

Jeongguk is so very certain he’s going to get kicked out the moment he’s called into Katie Lee’s office. He expects nothing from this company anymore after all. When he received nothing but praise however he’s admittedly not only taken aback but straight up rendered speechless. 

Maybe his fire hadn’t been for nothing? Perhaps rebelling in his own way had still managed to get him some positive recognition. No one could deny he was a fierce performer after all. The blood of an overachiever still running through his veins and his stubborn nature keeping him in place were the two reasons he had made it to this point. It was a shame that it was without Jimin however. There was a lot to do, a lot to discuss and a lot to figure out. 

Taking a first glance over the paper work, he pokes his tongue against the inside of his cheek and only listens on to what the woman had to say. “Expectations, huh?” That cursed word again. He wouldn’t fall for this. If he had made it this far, there was no way they would so easily change their mind now. All he had to do was continue forth the way he always did and make sure to keep his trips to the rooftop hidden. 

“Well, I don’t plan to disappoint you,” he concluded, papers rolled up together and kept securely in his grip as a confident smirk slowly widened across his lips. He had already decided to stay. Might as well make it worth the while. Not to mention that at last he’d get to stand on stage with his friends together.

Finally. He made it.

OOC: Congratulations on being offered a spot at debut! By agreeing with the offer, Jeongguk will officially start his journey to debut under NSG. Should he refuse, this will impact him negatively, but he may still return to practicing as a regular trainee under KT. Jeongguk is to keep this opportunity a secret until it is revealed to the general public.

[jkookrk]

rkharuto​:

❛ happy birthday to you

admittedly, even thinking about this sort of stuff was making him feel a little red in the face and uncomfortable. it probably wasn’t normal how little interest in the subject he actually had. weren’t normal teenagers supposed to be thinking about this stuff a lot at his age? maybe he was just the weird one, which honestly wasn’t very surprising to him, he’d always felt weird around other people. 

but then he heart jeongguk’s words, feeling just a little bit better as he looked up from the page of pictures he had been looking at. “there’s not?” it was a small comfort to hear that. he would have thought the older trainee would have laughed at him for it, called him childish and that he was just being silly. 

“i mean,” he sighed softly, flicking to the next page of the photo album, “thanks for saying that.” it did help him feel just a little better. 

this time he can’t help but smile gently as he shakes his head reassuringly. despite his attitude and being a huge pain in the arse to work with sometimes, haruto was still after all just a troubled teenager. “there’s not. if anyone tries to tell you otherwise you tell me and we’ll beat them up together, okay?” 

not the most grown up there but all things considered jeongguk thought he was doing fine. unable to help himself he reached forward to give the younger’s hair just a quick ruffle, almost too short for him to react to. he knew haruto hated it but this time he couldn’t help himself.

“don’t mention it, kiddo. like I said- each to their own. everyone experiences life differently and makes their own experiences at their own pace. nothing wrong with that.”

[jkookrk]

rksihyeon​:

[ ... ]

her brows knit together at his complaint  -  truthfully, she’s not really sure about the intricacies and the qualities that kt was looking for in nsg, but to be fair, jeongguk was also a rather new trainee at the time they were selecting.  he was even newer than she was, and even now she still feels like she’s lacking.  “ do you really think you were ready for it? right then, i mean.” finally turning her head to glance at him, she frowns.  “ i’m not playing the devil’s advocate, jeongguk.  i’m just saying chemistry probably isn’t the only thing that they were looking for ..”  she pauses, hesitantly.  “ the commercial requires different skills .. i wasn’t good enough for it, remember? but you were.” 

biting the inside of her cheek, sia sighs.  this is probably just going to make it worse.  “ it may not be what you wanted, but it was still an opportunity .. i won’t pretend to know what is going on in nsg, but.  debut is hard, jeongguk.  i don’t think it’s going to come because you’re friends with the other members … i wish it would, though.  that would be nice.”

things would be easier then.

he knows what sia is talking about. it’s a question he often asked himself but regrets cloud his judgment and make it almost impossible for him to even consider it a possibility without him resigning right then, right there. 

if only he hadn’t run away. if only he had picked up that one more audition after jimin was signed instead of taking off on a tour around the world to figure himself out. he could be right there with them right now. 

his hand balls into a fist, jaw clenched. he really hated himself so much right now that he had to project it onto something- anything. “I am. I know I’m talented enough. I worked my ass off ever since I got signed. I barely slept, I worked out every day, I danced my feet bloody, sung my vocal chords sore, lead a team to help them learn a choreography for an eval when I was only 3 months into training life. they can’t give me the bullshit that I’m not ready for this. I know I can keep up with them. so what could I potentially be lacking for them to not choose me?”

his voice is hoarse from how much emotion he withholds that he has to clear his throat at the end of his reasoning. “kt is fucked up. that’s all there is too it.”