#solomon thoughts

[daytaker]

Solomon, also called Jedidiah,

MC learns that Solomon was also called Jedidiah and that's it for poor Solomon. He's Jed now. He hates it but they refuse to stop because they find it so funny.

[daytaker]

Human World, c. 950 BC

Woman 1: This woman is saying my baby belongs to her! Woman 2: Your baby? That's my baby! Solomon, aside: I hate this job. Solomon: Just split it in half if you can't agree. Woman 1: What?! Woman 2: That sounds fair. Woman 1: WHAT?! Solomon: Haha! (to Woman 2) I like your style. Take the kid. Woman 1: Your majesty, that is literally my child! Solomon: If you can't understand a joke, you'll never understand a teenager. In my wisdom I make this ruling official. Next.

[daytaker]

Let him cook with you?

Option 1. As long as it's in writing!

Option 2. (Ghost him)

Option 1. Despite claiming to only do what you explicitly asked for, and despite only requesting that Solomon handle the cutlery and bowls, his mere presence in the kitchen causes space and time to collapse in on itself. You die in a multitude of universes simultaneously. BAD ENDING.

Option 2. You survive the night. GOOD ENDING.

[daytaker]

A weird thing about writing fanfics...

I don't know if this happens to other writers, but for me, I feel like I come to understand and empathize with and even like certain characters more once I've written about them? Even if they're side characters in the story. Like, writing a lot about Lucifer and Satan's relationship from a perspective that's sympathetic to Satan, you'd think I'd just get more and more angry at Lucifer, but instead I'm seeing how impossible his situation is. Lucifer can't un-make Satan, and he seems like he actually does try to be supportive to the extent that he can, but Satan is miserable and has some very understandable identity crises (see "born from trauma and self-mutilation in the wake of a life altering failure") so it doesn't matter to him if Lucifer is doing what he can behind the scenes to help him, or if Lucifer allows him a lot of freedoms even before he's emotionally ready to manage them. Lucifer made Satan, he made him from anger and pain, and instead of pulling a Dr. Frankenstein and casting out his creation into the woods he decides this little gremlin is officially part of the family so you'd all better get used to it.

This specific dynamic and their specific perspectives on this life altering (or life-beginning) situation is so! Freaking! Interesting! To me! I went from being like "Boo Lucifer boo" to writing a chapter from Satan's perspective and feeling really sorry for the guy because he can never fix the awful thing that he did to Satan, which was creating him.

On top of that, writing about Solomon has made me like him a lot more too. That smug ol' sorcerer. Eternally smiling through the pain. He just wants to connect with a human being again. Poor guy.

[daytaker]

Hopefully this doesn't come off as a weird request. But can you do headcannons of reader looking up to Solomon as a father figure, then Solomons just a terrible influence for them. Thanks if you do this.

I won't lie, this is a kind of weird request, but that's alright! We can do weird. For the sake of my own comfort, I'm going to say ahead of time that the relationship between Solomon and the reader is purely platonic.

Hey, it's me again, three hours in the future relative to the above paragraph. I did my best, though I'm struggling to portray Solomon as an actual father figure. But these are some disjointed thoughts about you, Reader, and your somewhat toxic mentor-pupil relationship with your fellow human, Solomon the Sorcerer. (Fair warning, it gets a little silly at the end.)

CW: Manipulative Reader/MC, Bullying the Brothers

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Wow, the greatest sorcerer to ever live? You didn't even know sorcerers were a thing outside books and movies before you got here. Not only that, this guy is functionally immortal? You could probably learn a thing or two from him.

When you unexpectedly arrive in the Devildom for the RAD exchange program, you're more than a little uneasy about the number of jokes people have been making about eating you. (Those were jokes, right?)

So when you meet a friendly human face on your first day of classes, you're relieved. How is this guy so calm in this situation? Isn't he an exchange student too? Isn't he at least a little bit confused about the world? Will sticking to him like glue keep you from dying by demon?

Answers in order: He's been doing this for thousands of years, yes, no, and probably.

Solomon is aware of your dependence on him, and he quickly grows fond of you too, albeit in the way you might become fond of the local stray cat. You're friendly and easy to manipulate and best of all, you're a human. Solomon hasn't had any actual humans to interact with in years.

And who better to recruit to the cause of the betterment of humankind in the eyes of the other two realms than a fellow human? Someone with a stake in the underdog team?

He encourages your attempts to make pacts with the brothers. What could be more useful than a binding agreement to do whatever you tell them to, anyway? Soon enough, you have five pacts under your belt. It was surprisingly easy to get them to agree to sign their autonomy over.

"Don't you find it interesting that you're the only member of the exchange program who didn't know such a program existed until you were dragged here? I mean, there's no delegation in our world that manages relationships with the Devildom or the Celestial Realm. Both of those places just do as they please with the human world, only kept in check by each other."

He's making a good point. Why are humans so disrespected? Hell, those brothers view you as so unintimidating that they agreed to pacts with you more or less on the fly, just because. Is it just because you don't live as long?

"Hey, can you come over after classes? I need your help with something."

You become Solomon's willing guinea pig, and the brothers soon become guinea pigs by proxy. Solomon teaches you how to summon them, how to command them, and how to make sure they don't say a word to their oldest brother about it.

"I find it interesting that humans are so much more dynamic and inventive than demons or angels. I'm of the opinion that it's because the natural human lifespan is so short, relatively speaking, that it encourages people to be more ambitious. If we had eternity to solve our problems, would we even bother trying?"

Thank goodness for Solomon. If he wasn't here to impart these teachings on you, you might have ended up becoming emotionally entangled with those demons instead; demons who thought of you as a novelty and an easy target.

Lucifer stops you on your way to your room at the House of Lamentation.

"I think we need to have a talk about my brothers. Why are they afraid of you?"

To which you storm past him, flip him the bird, stick your tongue out, and snap, "None of your business! Get out of my life!" The door SLAMS shut, and you shout through it: "YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD."

And so, without even meaning to do it, Solomon has gone from an ally to a guide to a mentor to the person who transformed you into a demon-disrespecting teenager.