I recently received a message from someone asking about dealing with chronic pain. The message reads as follows:
Basically I’m in pain nearly 24/7. It’s always at least an 8 on the pain scale, and yet I force myself to “function” even if it means feeling worse later. Then once I break down people get angry with me and say that I’m just making it up because “no one would ever be able to function with that much pain” so surely I’m making it up. But if I actually show it then they call me lazy and fat and making things up still. I feel really sick and in a lot of pain to the point that I can’t eat. I’m scared that I might have relapsed back into self-injury, because of how well I am functioning even with this amount of pain. Several of my friends have also brought it up, because they know they have seen me go on to play soccer even after cutting the bottom of my feet. How can I tell if I need to get help again? And what can I do? I’m tired of making my pain worse but I’m also so tired of people yelling at me. And how can I tell if I’m hurting myself on purpose again?
Due to some Tumblr quirk, unfortunately I cannot directly reply to your message, but please find my response below:
What are you describing sounds like a somatoform disorder or a pain disorder. Basically this means that you experience pain that cannot be explained by a medical cause or other mental illness. It can be common for people to believe the symptoms of a somatic disorder are made up. No one else can truly know what it is like to live with your specific symptoms, which can be incredibly frustrating to try and convey your experience to someone who doesn’t believe you. And when you do express your pain, you experience the opposite reaction of people telling you that you are overreacting. This reflects more on them than it does on you, of course, because you cannot control what other people say or how they react. This does not excuse their behavior or treatment of you, because everyone deserves to feel deeply cared for and understood.
I think that sometimes people truly can learn to function with that much pain. It becomes a tolerance just like an addiction or exercising. Most treatments of somatic disorders involve CBT therapy but yoga and art therapy are also effective. There are sometimes subconscious explanations for pain, such as Freud’s classic “unconscious desires,” Jung’s “unconscious conflicts,” and even repressed trauma.
You should be able to tell if you are currently self-harming, as this is an active rather than passive coping skill. The actual tolerance of this pain does not necessarily qualify as self-harm. It might be helpful to talk to a professional about these problems because it sounds like it is causing significant distress and interruption in your life. If you have been in therapy before, getting in contact with them might be a good place to start. If there is someone in your life you really trust, talk to them about seeking professional help. Pain disorders are frustrating because you are the only person who knows what it is like to live in your body, with your own thoughts and emotions. The most you can do is to try and fully express your discomfort to someone. An understanding and effective therapist will help guide you through the process of treatment.
If you are in the US, there are some resources I found online that might potentially be of service to you:
American Chronic Pain Association (800) 533-3231
American Pain Foundation (888) 615-724
http://www.recovery.org/topics/find-the-best-dual-diagnosis-recovery-program-for-somatoform-disorders-and-substance-abuse/
I do not know anything about these foundations, so it is best to research them to see if they might help you with what you are looking for. The best thing to do would be to reach out to someone you really trust and simply state that you need help. It’s not always easy to make yourself this vulnerable, but it might be the first step in finding long-term solutions.