#something stinks here

[mickpandesal]

brother eughhhh … what is that …….

[krupkaistired]

👀

[dialemformurder]

Thinking about how the Duffers have been open about taking inspiration from the case of the West Memphis 3 for season 4’s Eddie arc, which makes sense because it’s also a case of false conviction due to rampant satanic panic and assumption of satanic rituals committed by the accused in the original case.

But what they’re not open about is the fact that two of the murder victims were named Christopher Byers and Michael Moore and later evidence suggests that their murders may have been committed by one or two of the boys’ stepfathers— Byers being one of them. The other being named Terry, which tbh I don’t even know what to do with.

[cortibah]

Yeah, I really wish that it was easier to get sterilized.

I mean, the only reason I blog about it is to cope with the frustration and disappointment, the comments from friends and family and the constant wonder if bluntly stating my childfree choice is going to cause a scene or if I should just swallow my pride and lie.

And what makes me the angriest?

Apparently, one of my (cismale) friends once jokingly asked a doctor about a vasectomy.

The doctor thought he was dead serious and was going to refer him to the hospital.

OVER. A FUCKING. JOKE.

Then here's me, who is potentially facing rejection after rejection, OR spitting up $2500 JUST FOR THE REFERRAL - not even the actual surgery, just the referral appointment, which may go nowhere anyway - because the public system may just decide that apparently, four weeks of the equivalent of severe anxiety disorder leading to what I would now recognize as the precursor to suicidal thoughts, three months of having near-panic attacks at so much as the mention of children in my range of hearing, and now going on six months of intrusive thoughts, nightmares of pregnancy and nearly sinking back into a 24/7 triggered state, is somehow not a reason to operate.

Because the fact that I did actually contemplate walking out on the main road in front of a truck when I thought I might be pregnant is somehow not a reason to do the one thing that might actually end this madness.

Because I didn't spend stupid amounts of money on pregnancy tests when there was no fucking way in hell that I could possibly be pregnant, purely because I had to do SOMETHING to assuage the paranoia.

Because the fact that my sanity and LIFE could be at stake is not a reason to perform a simple little operation that takes less than an hour.

All. Because. I have a uterus.

Yeah, try telling me that's not some sexist shit there. For anyone who doesn't know, vasectomies are still surgical. Okay, fine, at worst they use a spinal block, more often a local anesthetic - except it carries the same risks as any other form of anesthesia, and the same risk of infection. (Open-heart surgery is more dangerous, but nobody seems to care, and everyone would be furious if a doctor denied a patient who needed open-heart surgery on the grounds of safety.)

And sterilization doesn't *have* to be surgical. Essure uses a non-surgical procedure, and while it may still require general anesthetic for some women, mostly, they only use local anesthetic or a spinal block. So if doctors were really that concerned about the safety, they'd offer Essure as an alternative.

It's not safety they're thinking about.

Half of the doctors are in the 'fear of litigation' camp - which, as much as the courts rarely look favorably on anyone who didn't have it done as a result of someone else having power-of-attorney (rare, and usually those people are disabled - which, good fucking luck getting sterilized regardless of your gender if you have any form of disability, especially if it's an 'intellectual disability', and you're going to need a deity if you're trans* or intersex), is still a legitimate fear. While the referring doctor is rarely the target of a case, they can still end up being liable - and if the courts don't get them, the medical ethics board they're under will. (Which is fucking bullshit. Doctors should not have to put their jobs on the line because an adult who is perfectly capable of making their own decisions has decided that they don't want children, or don't want any more children.)

The other half? I don't know what's going on in their minds (and unfortunately, this half seems to be made of of male *and* female doctors but internalized sexism can be pretty powerful even in the face of extensive education). They seem to have forgotten that their patients have brains and are capable of making decisions. They think that they know everything, that they know a patient's real wishes and desires - oh, but they never act like that with their male patients! Because clearly, it's only women who can't make permanent decisions - even though nobody questions a woman when she buys a house or decides to move overseas. Or decides to have children.

Part of me wonders if this doesn't come back to expectations - it's expected that men will 'play the field', will have many, many partners, and that clearly they're incapable of being responsible about what contraceptive options they have. While it's expected that women will stay pure little virgins, that all women want as many children as possible (yeah, even having kids may not help with making a sterilization any more possible in some countries) and that none of them have completely valid reasons or even life-threatening reasons to not have children. (Because, you know, the fact you just really don't want to is totally not a reason to just not do it. Isn't it sad how little value we put on bodily autonomy?)

And society so elevates and glorifies parenthood (and especially motherhood - but only when it's white cis women) to the exclusion of all other life choices (and not just for hetero couples) that it leaves anyone who chooses differently at best out in the cold and at worst held up as a tragic villain to society, as an example of the heights of selfishness, debauchery, and evil of the worst kind, who will die alone and family-less and full of regrets. (Not hyperbole. You should see what some childfree women get told on the Internet AND in real life. And not just by total strangers - by their friends and family too.)

Does it necessarily come back to the ever-present policing of women's sexuality by society? I don't know. As much as I want to paint pro-natalism as another construct of the patriarchy (childfree men do get insulted and villified too, although not to the same degree as childfree women - and they face nowhere near the barriers to permanent childfreedom or the stigma of being childfree) I have absolutely no proof at all, but you know what? There's a reason all the non-cismales are getting the short end of the stick here. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you like, but something's going on there.