In Which a Man Interviews a Clown
“Ok, uh, sir. We- stop that. We need to ask you a few question- please stop. We need to ask you a few questions about current events, seeing as you’re in somewhat a position of power under Sorceress Ultimecia.” The interviewer for The Irastellae Times simply grimaced as Kefka continued to flick globs of electricity towards him from the parallel seat.
“Ok four eyes, shoot! I’ve never done an interview before, I hope you make sure to get my good side, fail that and I’ll eat your liver.” Kefka said, tone pleasant as he smiled ahead.
“Uh… ok, not that kind of interview. Listen, our readers would be interested in knowing your opinion on the current power struggle, do you think it could be split?”
“Of course not! I like things just the way they are!” Mr. Palazzo laughs as he leans forward, thin fingers beckoning forward conspiratorially. “Between you, me, and the flies on the wall. I have this thing planned, sorta like a coupe but more explosions! If things changed, my big surprise party might be spoiled! Besides, you think things are bad now, just you wait till we get all of these self righteous idiots and wannabe gods running around! Anyone who’s played Dissidia can tell you THAT’S one bad idea!” He chuckled, winking to an imaginary camera.
“Huh, I would ask what a ‘Dissida’ is but I imagine that will take us down an unwanted rabbit hole… Lets move on, how do you feel about open borders? Do you think that it’ll improve any sort of tension?”
“Bor-wha? Look pal, do you know just what I do around here? I kill. I burn, poison, beat, and mince. If open borders mean more people to make the lady upstairs unhappy, then I say open em up. More people to meet and more to kill! Imagine a floodgate bursting open and all of these chickens with their heads cut off running out, clucking their little ghost clucks in triumphant freedom!" He pantomimes gates opening with his hands before clapping them in the reporters face.
"Now look to the sky, there I am, ready to fry and serve every last one of them!” Kefka cackles as fire erupts from his open palms, shadows dancing across the darkened room until he extinguishes it.
Fidgeting a bit, the reporter reels back, scribbling down on his note pad and stands to leave. “Well, you just answered questions two and three in one go, thank you for your time Mr. Palazzo, it’s been swell!” He turns and makes to leave before large doors slam shut in front of him. Letting out a low moan, the reporter turns around to come nose to nose with his interviewee.
“Ahem, you said you’d get my good side…” The clown whispers sweetly as hands move to squeeze around the reporters neck."And I couldn't help but notice you failed..." Under the door, a bright blue light flashed, as guards were quick to hear and ignore a loud symphony of both laughing and screaming. Unfortunately, it never was that kind of interview.