I feel like this meme. And it’s not good.
Like I’m squishing things down and trying to just grin and say “I’m okay” and I’m probably really not. But I don’t want to face like the biggest beast on my plate. But all sorts of minor bosses are popping up and it’s frustrating, so I’m focusing on one right now. This is long. Sorry. I need to scream into the void about this.
A couple months ago a friend and I finalized the majority of our plans for the upcoming fall holiday because it’s insane here during that time and we wanted to try and save money. (book flights early=cheaper...sometimes) I’d been talking about how I wanted to go back to Tokyo and visit the other Disney park that I hadn’t had time for last time and she got excited and said she hadn’t ever been to a Disney park. So I was like, well let’s go together then. I warned her it was expensive but she was like super excited. Eventually she’s like “Well do you mind if my sister comes with us? She’s like a super disney fan and has never been either” and I’m like uhhhhhh fine I guess. And she’s super adamant that we book the tickets ASAP. And we do. She has like the day off from work or something so she decides to get a jump on it. Which is fine but she is booking flights and she doesn’t want to leave early. She wants to leave like late so she can make her way slowly to the airport. But I’m like it’s a holiday here, have you ever traveled internationally during that time? It’s insane. We should leave asap. But she’s like naaahhhhh. And then she can’t get the flight to work so we switch and I book the flights which are a bit less than $1,000 for both of ours and she puts a deposit on the hotel. At first she was getting frustrated and thought for sure I’d be able to help her while I was at work. (I don’t carry my US card around with me...so no.)
So I get home, book our flights and she puts the deposit down on the hotel. The total of the hotel is a bit expensive but for the time being it’s only about $150. Which for a Disney hotel for a couple of nights isn’t that bad. And she immediately is like “Hey can you transfer money directly into my American account now?” and I’m like haven’t I complained to you like a million times about how sending money to the usa from here is like an ORDEAL? I have to wait to send money on a day of the work week that I don’t have work and isn’t a holiday... which means you’re waiting until summer. But instead I was like not really how much was it and she backpeddles to the deposit amount and I was like...do you want me to just subtract that from how much you owe me at the moment? And she backpeddled harder and was like uhhhh lets wait to do move money until I know if my sister is coming with us.
I ended up seeing her for a festival and during this she’s talking about her upcoming plans and how she really wants her sister to join us but her sister’s roommates have this big trip coming up that includes staying with her and she wants her to join on that too but the sister is like super frugal so she’s like I’m going to try really hard. Because if her sister came the hotel would be cheaper. But I’ve already bought our tickets so her sister would have to get to Japan herself and then would be on her own for a bit. And this is stressing out my friend because her sister can’t handle being somewhere new on her own and would probably have an anxiety attack. And I’m like...maybe this isn’t a good time for her to join us then. But my friend is adamant that her sister joins us. So I sit with her and try to plan this trip for her sister. I problem solve like a million different ways that her sister would have a babysitter in Japan. From offering to introduce her to my own friends to spending hours in a cafe going over tours and services that could keep her from stressing out and that avoided food since that’s a trigger.
So we separate with her taking my game plan and back up game plans. And eventually I hear back that her sister probably isn’t going to join us and I’m like...okay.
But then this weekend she reaches out to me and is like uhhhhhh.....can’t go to japan...don’t have money...sorry.
And I’m just like WTF? What do you mean? We’ve had this planned for months. And on one hand I’m like....okay I know you’ve got a ton going on this year. Your family is having it’s first ever family trip and you’ve probably got to put money on that but you knew about that before you agreed to this trip...and I guess you’re having guests over later this year but they’re just staying with you. That shouldn’t be that bad. Where’d all your money go? OMG something bad must have happened. I best wait to see what she says before freaking out...because I myself have ended up with surprise expenses lately.
And her reasoning? She has to pay for her flight home for this family trip herself and she put off buying it so it was more expensive then she expected. And her computer which has been limping towards death forever finally kicked the bucket. (and you know bills) And I’m just like:
You’re joking right? Your family buys your tickets home every year. Sometimes more than once a year. And you waited too late to buy it so it’s what....$700...hahahahhaha my ticket to see my mother was $1600 and I didn’t make it in time to actually see her. Good one. Oh and you are going to have to buy a new computer? You’re computer has been dying a slow death for awhile. I just had to buy a new computer too a couple weeks ago. That was way more expensive than I planned.
Like okay. I get it. Not everyone is good with money management and surprise expenses can totally torpedo you. I understand. But we already booked this stuff. Like she does know she’s going to have to pay me back for that flight regardless of whether or not she goes right? Like she’s loosing money. Instead of going to Japan and me splitting the hotel with her she looses her deposit and then owe’s me nearly $500 plus any fees they might make me pay for cancelling her ticket. I’m still going. It’s two days, (which I’m now super bitter about and I wish I could extend it) I’ll go to one park and see friends the other day. But she thought maybe I could get another friend to go with me and I’m just like....dude everyone plans this holiday super far in advanced. Everyone's already got plans. (believe me I tried. Also all the paperwork on our flights say we can’t change the names)
And I was walking home thinking about how a friend was telling me I let people walk all over me and I’m like...yeah but she doesn’t do this all the time. And then I just sort of stopped and was like. YES SHE DOES. Never to this extent. But for as long as she’s been here I’ve made plans with her and she’s cancelled them last minute. We make it to less than half of the plans we make. Usually because despite how much she “hates” her parents as soon as they say they’ll pay for her to come home she runs home. And she cancels on me. Usually thankfully before we pay for anything. And when we do pay for anything she always jumps down my throat to pay her back and then never offers to pay me back and I have to awkwardly go and be like “Uh and so the hotel? or the flight?” and she goes oh right.
I’m just so tired. I really didn’t need this on top of everything else and I’m just so done. Like I’ve realized the only times we’ve really gone anywhere where she hasn’t like skimped and freaked out about money was the one time we went and stayed with her friends or if I stay with her. Like she dragged me out of an event we paid for to hike back to the bus terminal in the pouring rain because she got a phone alert from her bank for $7 and realized halfway there that the alert had been for the event we’d just paid tickets for and not our bus tickets being double charged when she checked in for her reservations.
I feel like when she made a big deal about how expensive the hotel was, (Which I warned her about. I said I wanted to make this a like nice trip where we splurged a little bit and she was 100% aboard) I should have realized she was going to ditch if her sister (which was a long shot) didn’t come.
I kind of want to just yell at her. Like YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! DO YOU REALIZE THAT? BECAUSE I’VE JUST REALIZED IT! and OMG YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD UNEXPECTED EXPENSES SAMMMMEEEEE BUT YOU DON’T SEE ME CANCELLING TRIPS I’VE ALREADY PAID FOR WITH FRIENDS OR FAMILY. and of course because it’s always sitting in the back of my brain wanting to come up MY MOTHER JUST DIED I DON’T HAVE ENERGY FOR THIS. But instead I’m just like. Are you okay? Can you get your hotel deposit back? Let me talk to to the flight company and I’ll get back to you on all that when I’ve got time.
(because I sure as don’t have the energy for this right now) But hey lesson learned. Stop inviting her to trips. Something cool happening in her neighborhood, see if she’s up for it and see if you can crash with her. But that’s it. Because I’m tired of being flaked on. I’ve got enough on my plate at the moment.
