You ever feel?
Have you ever felt like blowing your brains out in the hopes that you’ll get to restart life? Obviously in a perfect world you can retain your memories, however you wouldn’t and you wouldn’t even be yourself anymore. I’m not suicidal just sorry. I lost a great person in my life because I was stupid and I listened to others that gave me the wrong information and I was an idiot and took their advice as scripture even though they had no idea the status of my relationship.
I don’t mean to blame others for my mistake. I own up to y mistake but who else am I to blame for this feeling? And will I ever find someone as great as her again? Doubtful so what the fuck is the point of it all? “Life is pain, get used to it”, I tell myself. I don’t want to get used to it, or maybe why should I? I’m fairly easy going. I listen to Indie Music, I wear Hawaiian shirts, I have a carefree laugh. Then why am I so goddamn miserable? I’m not where I want to be right now. I’m not with who I want to be with, better yet who I think I should be with.
When my life changes will I realize it in the moment and stop and look around to notice the changes? Or will I just go about my day? I’ve been confronted in recent weeks with the idea of changing my situation for the better. Besides being captured by pirates and running a smuggling business in the South Asian sea (Black Lagoon reference) Nothing is coming to be as to how I can change my circumstance. But I think the sea is calling me. For better or worse it seems like the best option for me. I need to get out of here. I need to feel.
