#sorting advice

[wisteria-lodge]

Gosh Darn it! The test keeps saying I'm a snake sec. Ok I could see that and that makes me feel good... if it wasn't for my mother, who i believe is a snake sec and she drives me nuts. She's passive aggressive, avoids confrontation, uses guilt trips. She's like a low key Emily Gilmore. Thinks she's being clever and sneaky about it too, but i can see thru it. She uses neutral with me often i think bc she feels that is safest with me. Can I be a snake and still be annoyed by a snake?

I'd actually say that annoyance is an emotion that's more likely to be directed at someone who's a house match. Because if someone is like you but really bad at it, or Immature or Exploded or Burnt (or conversely UnBurnt) and not using their powers for good... then your reaction is going to be more like UGH why have you got to be doing it like THAT??? you should be doing it like THIS.

Bad behavior by other sortings is more likely to inspire anger, or bafflement. That general sense of I do not get you, what on earth are you doing?

[wisteria-lodge]

I think I’m either the worst lion sec ever (not in like a burned way I don’t think I’m burned (anymore?)) or perhaps a badger sec?? I just sort of do things the way I’ve been told to do them bc I’m assuming that way works or I just know that way works from experience so I don’t change things up. But I’m so bad at pointing at things I do and being like oh that’s _ secondary bc all of it just feels like being a person in the world doing the most obvious thing. I couldn’t give you other ways to do said thing unless I accidentally stumbled upon one or someone else told me a better/different way. And most of the time I’m too lazy to change my way bc why learn the new way when my way works too?? My instinct with almost everything is just to grind until things work and socially I definitely tell little white lies to frame things in a pleasing way or at least I’m pretty aware how I come across and try to make people like me/happy with me. Bc it stresses me out a lot/makes me pretty sad when I have the hint that someone I care about liking me doesn’t like me. Which again is a person thing. So basically I just go in circles likes this forever. pls help.

"My instinct with almost everything is just to grind until things work and socially I definitely tell little white lies to frame things in a pleasing way or at least I’m pretty aware how I come across and try to make people like me/happy with me."

You've got some Badger friend, maybe even Double Badger. I know you're thinking 'But that's just normal, isn't that just what everyone does? ' I promise you, not everyone could have written that little paragraph about themselves, not even close. It's like the way you don't hear your own accent. The way you go through the world is so fundamental, core, and unremarkable that you have trouble seeing it.

It's normal for Birds to think they're Badgers or Snakes - or else to get really confused about what a Bird primary even *is* - because everyone consciously constructs their morality, right? Or Lion secondaries to think that everyone secretly wants to do that 'speak your truth at all times' thing, so get confused about what models are. It's one of the things that makes this system so, so interesting to me.

[wisteria-lodge]

How do I know if I'm a Lion or Snake sec living in neutral (I'm Lion primary)?

I know they are really different but I can relate to both of them. I'm normally pretty straightforward but I wouldn't mind striking behind someone's back too. Like ... let say if someone slanders me. I'd rather just order a hit on them than soiling my own hand. I won't waste my time playing with them or working around them.

I'll just go 'okay, I see' then order a hit on them. I go about my life goal without caring what people think. They can either help me or get out of the way (or I'll just delete them them). And I never hide my intention. It's the 'this is what I want, you have 3 choices - give me what I want, get out of the way, or I get rid of you'.

And I feel most at ease when I can speak my mind freely. I hate speaking based on what people want to hear. I'm at my best when I can just say what's on my mind without thinking about anyone or anything (like when I do public speaking, I do it best without any script and just follow my gut). But I don't relate to Lion sec 'honorable' character. I'm not honorable. I'm pragmatic and I'll use dirty trick if it's needed. If anything, seeing Lion sec characters sometimes annoys me. Why would they be so stubborn?

***strictly hypothetical example***

What do you think? And thank you!

Friend, I can't do much with that. I can imagine being Tony Soprano or Tommy Shelby all day, but I don't *know* what I'd really do in their shoes. That's why I ask for real examples of problem solving, the more mundane the better. Also when have lion secondaries ever been honorable? I mean Shakespeare thinks they are, but he's a Snake and that's a literary device.

I actually do want to write more about the difference between the 'literary' versions of the primaries and secondaries (... especially the secondaries). Because they are different, and often the difference comes though exaggeration. I think that exaggeration tends to hit Lions and Birds especially hard.

[wisteria-lodge]

not sorting help but i've tried to write an ask to you like... three separate times? to help with my primary lmao. each time i just backspaced because i just sounded so snake that it felt like i had already sorted myself when i typed it all out 💀💀

That is the way it happens sometimes, *especially* with Lions and Snakes.

[wisteria-lodge]

How can you tell if you have a badger secondary (or model) vs. if you just enjoy taking care of people? I'm pretty sure I'm a lion secondary, but I really like helping people--lending a shoulder to cry on, stepping up and doing things for them, making them things, etc. Is that a badger secondary model or something else?

Bring it back to the question of how you solve problems. You can model (and super enjoy!) all four of the secondaries, but when it really comes down to it, there's going to be one strategy that you default to when it comes to solving difficult problems.

[wisteria-lodge]

Hello Wisteria! I've read through a ton of SHC sortings and absolutely love your blog! Thank you for all that you do for the SHC community and for the people that come to you wanting to understand themselves a little better.

I was wondering if you had any advice for how to break down a character's sorting? I seem to have a relatively easy time recognizing Primaries, but I always get stuck trying distinguish true Secondaries from Models and/or Preformances.

Thanks in advance!

- Bea

My current trick is tracking how happy the character seems at any particular moment. Are they stressed, shut down, panicky, going though the motions OR do they seem joyful, content in their own skin, lit up?

I'm currently going though Our Flag Means Death, and there are SO many models in that. But, when Stede does the Lion secondary thing, it's in a desperate and anxious way. When he does the Class Performance!Badger, he's kind of dead inside. When he's using his own personal Badger secondary - building up his ship just so, building community with the other pirates - he's absolutely GLOWING. Even though... objectively his Badger secondary isn't very good at stuff (yet.)

[wisteria-lodge]

Does any particular placement lend itself to frequently changing their mind about what they "actually are," or is that just a human indecision thing? Both? Neither? I'm curious. Asking for a friend (the friend is me.)

I thought I was a Double Bird, a Double Badger, a Bird Badger, a Snake Badger, and a Lion Bird before settling on my current Lion Badger sorting, which I am very happy with.

Now that I understand both the system and myself a lot better, I think I was nuts to even consider anything else. But, riddles are always easy when you have the answer, and I've definitely been helped out by getting some deep insight into how Double Birds and Double Badgers ACTUALLY work, and then going ... oh no, that's dEFINITELY not me.