@soughtreasure sent a hail ⇾ “ i love you. ” ( chris @ una )
as much as she may try to hide or subdue it, the smile that splits across una’s lips is unmistakable. of course, she realizes then that she really doesn’t need to hide it with chris, does she? the line between on-duty and off-duty has, through necessity, become somewhat blurred over the years. it’s been rare that she’s allowed herself genuine friendships since surpassing the rank of lieutenant, let alone anything resembling romantic but — with chris it’s entirely different. he’s her captain, yes, but he’s so much more than that. he’s her friend. before this moment una may have stopped herself there, but confirmation that anything she might’ve previously labelled as ‘unrequited pining’ ( despite any evidence to the contrary, including action and word ) is more than that is…. god, it means more than she could express.
and that’s why she doesn’t hold back. her smile is real, genuine, uninhibited as eyes lock with his. a low chuckle precedes any actual words, though those quickly follow, “i — ” it’s not often she’s speechless, even when it’s just the two of them she’s typically quick with some sort of retort offered with the intention of changing the subject when she’s caught off-guard ( not that she’ll admit that she’s ever actually left without some idea what to say ). “i love you too, chris,”
@soughtreasure continued, they had been on the precipice of something changing in their relationship for a long time. una had been his closest friend, his confidant when things had gone wrong, his number one. there was little room for true friendships when you were the captain of a starship, but thankfully none were as accommodating of his company than her. he knew what was in her heart just as she knew what laid in his. it was what made them an extraordinary duo. it was also what gave him the confidence that she would not report him for inappropriate behavior. it didn’t stop the racing in his heart as they ate dinner in his quarters, his own comments uncharacteristically quiet as she spoke of the refits to the warp drive the upjohn was currently working on.
i love you. a simple three words for anyone else. but not for a starfleet captain to his fellow officer. not for chris to una. their partnership, one rooted in trust, was something he had always relied on. more than he was willing to admit sometimes. he feared losing it, losing her. “ una…. “ he hesitated, looking away from him before she spoke back at him. “ i don’t know when it changed, or if it was always like this. we’re better together. you’re my number one. you’re also my closest companion. i don’t know what i would do without you here, guiding me. “
it’s not the best of admissions by any means, but his hands reach out to take one of hers. “ i’m not very good at this. “
for someone who’s often considered herself to be somewhat emotionally stunted, that’s all called into question now with the butterflies in her stomach. interpreting the exact nature of their dinners has been a matter of some debate for una for quite a while. is she merely a first officer filling in her captain on the goings on that might be too minute to show up on his radar? is she a friend? sharing laughs and misinterpreting the quiet moments with gentle glances and that look in his eyes as something less than they are? evidently she has, and quite frankly una’s not sure she’s ever been more relieved.
only christopher pike could take a moment as innocuous as her regaling him with the smallest details of a warp core refit and shape it so unexpectedly into something that leaves her breathless. with his hands, so warm and steady, encasing one of hers, una’s almost positive her heart skips a beat. if there had been any doubt that either of them had been sincere in their soft declarations, it’s entirely evaporated now. chris’ words hold a new sort of reverence she’s unsure that anybody else might catch, but she does. sometimes she’s sure she knows him better than she knows herself.
smile lingers as she searches for words that might match his. anything that might express how entirely she relishes his company, and the true honor it is to serve under a captain so distinguished. under a captain who’s so good a man ( better, inherently, than most ). but words continue to uncharacteristically elude her, something she hopes to mask with a gentle laugh and the shake of her head. “neither am i,” not something she’d readily admit to anybody else in regard to…. anything, but her trust in him is absolute — and una can feel the last of the defenses she’s so stubbornly maintained to protect herself slipping away. he’s her captain. he’s her friend ( perhaps the only one she’s got, aside from spock ). and now he’s…. well, she’s not sure where they’re headed — something that would typically scare the shit out of her in any situation that wasn’t directly related to her job and duties held there — but she trusts they’ll navigate these waters easily enough.
“i haven’t let myself grow so close with anybody in a long time. risking ambition and my career for anything that might get in the way never seemed worth it — attachments are the quickest way to find yourself hurt but….” gaze drops briefly, eyebrows lifting slightly as she looks back up, a delighted laugh accompanying her words, “with you none of that seems to matter. not really. you’re a remarkable man, chris. it’s an honor to stand by your side. it really is. it’s….” una hesitates, noting the way her heart rate accelerates further. she’s unsure of whether she’s premature in so solidly confirming her feelings — but this is chris. fear of appearing truly and wholly human with everything that entails is nearly nonexistent with him. with the quiet sentiment that follows, she moves her free hand to rest atop one of his, words are colored with a soft reverence she might’ve previously considered herself incapable of. “it’s an honor to love you.”
his life had been ruled by enterprise. it was a mission the captain took very seriously. he loved his job, loved his ship, loved his crew. it was enough. but this, the uncharacteristically quiet una, watching him with a smile ?? it was EVERYTHING. it was something that he now knew he would bend over backwards for. she was so good at hiding her emotions, duty taking over everything. he loved that about her. but it made it harder to distinguish if his feelings were singular. he had gone through hundreds of scenarios in his head, moments where he’d tell her about his feelings just to be given a calculated look before she told him that she just didn’t feel that way. it ripped him in half just to think about.
but here she was, a look in her eye that told him more than he could ever tell from her words. a breath is taken, lips staying open as she spoke. “ no i- “ he hesitated, trying to figure out exactly how to convey how she made him that way, how she inspired the kind of efficiency & work ethic that he was known for. he couldn’t comprehend that maybe she was talking about something different than that. “ you make me want to be a better captain, a better man. i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, una. “ in the safety of their privacy her first name slips out. another honor, to be one of the people trusted to use it.
chris could, under great reluctance, say that becoming captain was due to his accomplishments. but the kind of captain he became, that was all due to the woman in front of him. it was because of her unmatched faith when he believed he was going to fall. she caught him every time. brilliance, a fierce determination, & an unmatched ability to scare the living hell out of him made una an unparalleled first officer. there would be no better. when she got the ship she has deserved for years, he would feel the gaping wound forever. “ you don’t know what it means to me to have you say that. i’ve been so….. i thought you knew how i felt. i didn’t think it was a secret. “
he would catch himself sometimes, when they were in deep space going at warp speed, with his gaze towards her turned back. spock would catch him during particularly boring briefings & do what he could only assume was the vulcan version of rolling your eyes at someone ( an arched brow & a particularly piercing glance before he continued to take notes. ) a thumb stroking against her knuckles, he looks down at their conjoined hands, face red. “ i would have said something a long time ago had i known….. “
starfleet had always felt like an easy choice, hadn’t it? sure, like anyone else she’s had her moments of doubt — of wondering whether she’d taken the right path in her life — but in the end it always comes back to yes. yes, she’s where she should be. her time on the enterprise genuinely feels like it’s the perfect culmination of everything she’s worked so hard toward. all the times she’d put duty above everything ( and everyone ) else have led to a payoff that’s always felt entirely worth it. until now she’d done a pretty spectacular job of convincing herself that it’s just been the work itself: the fact that she’s the first officer on the enterprise.
now though? hell, maybe chris has been more of a contributing factor than she’s let herself admit. in a way that’s more than respect for her captain, anyway. una really does genuinely love this man, and now that they’ve both admitted it aloud it’s…. it’s not quite so scary as she’d expected it to be. i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. she sincerely doubts that, christopher pike is an incredible captain, officer, and man in his own right — he doesn’t need any help. there’s no doubt in her mind that that’s true.
“you’re too modest,” in spite of the moment, she can’t help but roll her eyes, “you’re a wonderful captain and you’d be — ” maybe she can’t take it too seriously, a light laugh slipping through her lips, “you’d be almost as good without me, so i guess i can take some of the credit.” a joke? spock’s probably the only other soul aboard who’s seen her do much more than crack a smile let alone offer any sort of comment like that. “to be entirely honest with you, chris? i’ve never been particularly gifted in the realm of feelings or trusting myself when it comes to non-objective…. personal interpretations of other people’s feelings. work is one thing. people are another. but with you? i trust myself with you. no matter the subject.”
she can’t stop the smile on her lips, and for the first time she can remember? she doesn’t want it to stop. not any time soon. not right now. una glances briefly at their hands, heart skipping in her chest at even something so simple. it’s almost embarrassing, but she doesn’t intend on voicing that so it’s something she can shove down easily enough. “well, i don’t think i really had allowed myself to even think about the idea until you said anything — and it feels so entirely right now that it’s out there, but i spent so long ignoring my feelings and convincing myself they weren’t anything more than admiration that there’s no way you should’ve known,”
