#source: internet?

[feah-leah]

Mrs Price: Jack Robert Price, I cannot believe you got a girl pregnant!

Mrs Price: You should be more like Kevin!

Jack Price: He's not even in the church anymore!

Mrs Price: Exactly! He goes out every weekend and has gotten zero girls pregnant. Kevin, tell him how you stay safe.

Kevin: I only fuck my boyfriend.

[imbicuriousyeah]

Cashier: that’ll be eighteen dollars and ninety eight cents

Hyuk: I don’t have the money

Cashier: ... then I’m sorry but I can’t sell this to you

Hyuk, sneakily sliding the cashier a twenty dollar bill like it’s a bribe: how about now?

Cashier:

N, from the chip aisle: Sanghyuk stop fucking with the Americans

[elvencantation]

Zhao Yunlan, back from a meeting: you gave Lin Jing coffee??

Xiao Guo: of course not. I gave him the fancy fruit juice Da Qing said he likes

Xiao Guo: *gestures at a small pile of empty Red Bull containers*

Zhao Yunlan:

Lin Jing, crashes through the window in board shorts and a shrek mask: YIPPEE KI-YAY MOTHERFUCKERS, LET ME HEAR YOU S C R E A M IF YOU’RE WIRED AND TIRED

Lin Jing: *ungodly screech*

[kpopincorrectsayings]

Onew: Girls like it when a guy's mysterious.

Key: Got it.

*Later that night on a date*

Eunji: Do you have any plans for this weekend?

Key: That's none of your business.

[incorrect-avengxrs]

Strange: I have high standards. I don’t-

Tony, tripping and falling face first: ahh shit hi guys

Strange: I want him

[h0m357uck5h17p057]

John: *sneezes*

Dave: Shut the fuck up.

Dave, internally: oh fuck I was supposed to say bless you, John's gonna kill me.

[incorrectdaysix]

Sungjin: You’re giving me a sticker.

Wonpil: Not just any sticker. That’s a sticker of a kitty saying “Me-wow”.

Sungjin: I’m not a child.

Wonpil: *shrugs* Fine I’ll take it back.

Sungjin: I earned this. Back off.

[99h]

Tony: i just want someone to take me out

Strange: like on a date or with a sniper?

Tony: surprise me