#source: james acaster

[walker-walker-fashion-baby]

Jason telling Damian a Bedtime Story

Jason: Alright so there was this little boy named Pinnochio, he was a little wooden puppet who came to live cause he was possessed by a Demon.

Jason: And he would go out and lie to everyone because of the Devil

Jason: So all of the villagers put him in a bonfire and burn his soul to ash

Jason: And you should learn, you never trust a puppet

Dick:

Tim: ...You fucking idiot

Dick: Well!...I think we can all learn a lesson here-

Duke: Wait. I wanna hear Jay's version of the bible

Jason:...In the beginning-

Dick: No!

[incorrectstation19quotes]

Travis: The moon is better than the sun.

Travis: I don't care who I'm offending with that.

[ravenerdhogwartsincorrectquotes]

What’s it like being Slytherin’s best friend? How would you describe them?

Ravenclaw: This by far isn’t the most interesting thing, but: they wear day of the week socks.

Ravenclaw: and they deliberately wear them on the wrong days, just so their socks know whos in charge.

Ravenclaw: And I think that sums them up quite nicely

[nicknellie]

Julie and the Phantoms: *introduces us to three lovable himbos and immediately makes us watch them die, then shows us a girl who is a literal angel and causes us yet more pain by making her sad for the whole episode*

Julie and the Phantoms:

[queer-cosette]

Marius: My grandfather was talking about school the other day, and he said "well, school was awful for you, Marius, wasn't it? I mean, you got bullied!"

Marius: And I was like "...no... I didn't?"

Marius: To which he replied "really? I just always assumed you did!"

Marius: Which means that he watched me leave the house every morning for thirteen years with my trousers too short and my Thomas the Tank Engine lunchbox, and thought to himself, "well, I'd bully him."

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Terezi: WHY DO YOU D34L W1TH TH4T SW34TY HORS3 F4C3D J3RK? 4LL H3 DO3S 1S ST4ND 1N TH3 CORN3R 4ND M4K3 CR33PY R3M4RKS 4T 3V3RYONE 1N TH3 ROOM

Terezi: 1 JUST DONT S33 WH4T YOUR3 G3TT1NG OUT OF YOUR MO1R14L3G3NC3

Nepeta: :33< nefur in all my sw33ps have i b33n so offended by something i 100 purrcent agr33 with

[incorrect-web-novels]

Wei Wuxian: What I learned from my experiences is: if you make a pun in polite conversation, people will hate you more than that time you openly defended murder.

[totally-correct-cr-quotes]

Beau: What if every relationship you’ve ever been in, is someone slowly figuring out they didn’t like you as much as they hoped they would?