secret love letters to someone. (1/?)
As a child I never obsessed over a princess or a fictional character, or even a colour. I liked everything the same, and by that I mean not that much. I never had a favourite stuffed animal, I never had a favourite shirt, and I certainly never had any best friends. In my eyes everyone I met was just a shallow person, it didn't matter if I didn't know what that meant, I just didn't like people that much.
So I started looking for places I could belong to. I would join random fandoms and I started making friends. And they were able to fill the void and appease the loneliness I was feeling, but the connections I formed with all that wonderful people were never enough.
This loneliness was slowly consuming me, not even my family knew how to make me feel better. I started shutting everyone out and tried my best to ignore the hole I felt growing inside my chest. I had stopped trying to find friends or ways to feel better and started focusing in school, books and other things to distract myself. That was until I met you.
You with your beautiful eyes and smile that could light up a room instantly. You and your ability to make everyone feel a little bit less weird. You and your soft voice that could calm me down before an exam.
I don't remember the first time I met you, I wish I did. I wish I could remember what you made me feel when you first noticed me or the first time we talked. We sort of became friends through other friends but we had already known of each other for what felt like our entire lives. We went to the same school our entire lives and it was quite small. So no one was a stranger to anyone. But we didn't really get to know each other until we were just a bit older than children... I think. Everything was so long ago and at the same time I can still feel you sitting next to me, talking about a new book you discovered or what happened in the latest episode of Glee.
You are still so important to me and I don’t think you’ll ever stop being such a huge part of my life. You helped me find myself. You are the reason I am still fighting through everything life has put me through. And you don’t even know it.
So this is my way of telling you everything I feel. Of telling you how much you mean to me. Even if you never read it.
Yours truly, g.















