#speech anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 30

speech anon (new), healthy disagreement anon (new), galaxy anon, grounded anon, alone anon (new)

speech anon (new)

hi

So i don't really know how to explain stuff but here we are. So I go to stem school and I also live in one of the most rigours areas in the usa academics wise. My whole life I've been surrounded by all these smart people and I have always been the least smart in my group of friends. Like elementary I went to a choice school with a huge gifted program then I went to a rigours private middle school and now I'm literally at a stem academy. I'm not stupid by any means but I always have the lowest grades of all my friends and it's fine I'm used to the middle of the road psat scores, not making it in all the prestigious competitions, all the science fair, Evey single "important" thing our school awards and does. I spend so much of my time cheering on my fucking impressive friends. However the one thing I don't suck at is writing. I write a lotttttt and recently we had a speech contest and I spent literally 2 weeks straight working on mine and most of my friends did it super duper last minute and the 15 semi finalists came out today and 3 of my friends didn't make it (close friend group of five) but I knew one of them was gonna take it hard because that's the type of person she is. But here's the thing I just can't even talk about my speech atp she runs away if I talk about it and I feel really really bad genuinely but I'm just I'm sad. I just I want to be proud of this one thing I don't absolutely suck at but I can't even bring it up and it's fine I understand why she's upset I just I'm always the one cheering her on and I guess I wish I could celebrate inside of comfort her but that is probably selfish

Hi! I don't think this is selfish at all! I think you deserve to be recognized for your accomplishments and talents, especially if you have been cheering on your friends for so long. Like-friendships shouldn't be about keeping score but also you SHOULD be able to rely on your friends. Your friend is allowed to feel sad that she's not a finalist while still being happy for you and I think that's where she's in the wrong. Just like you can be sad if you don't win the science fair while still being happy for a friend who wins.

I think you'd be within your rights to say something. I'm not sure if it would help (it depends on what type of person your friend is) but it might make you feel better to share your emotions. Just make sure that you don't come off as accusatory. Simply say how you feel. You can your friend that she absolutely can be sad but it's not fair that she's not supporting you...because it's not fair!

Congratulations on being a finalist!

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healthy disagreement anon (new)

What does it mean when people say “all good friendships/relationships have arguments”? Whenever I happen to have an argument with my family, it’s because they don’t think I should be sad about anything and yell at me. Whenever I have an argument with my friends it’s about me gently bringing up “hey I feel left out a lot of the time” and being accused of manipulation, and then they continue to bring up how “toxic” I am when I’m upset. Other argument with friends are just me telling them about how they hurt me, like “hey when you said it’s my fault and I deserve to be ignored by our entire friend group that felt very hurtful, especially since you also vent to me about that specific friendship group. I am not okay with this” and them saying that I’m being toxic, and saying I “snapped for so reason”, and then continuing to bring up how I “snapped for no reason” and am “very mean randomly”, and they ignore everything I tried to tell them when they hurt me.

My newer/other friends (the ones I’ve made after distancing myself from the people mentioned before) I have are people I get a long really well with, and they quite literally never do anything that hurts my feelings, and I (think) I haven’t done anything to hurt them either… I can’t imagine being mildly irritated with them, let alone upset. So now I don’t really understand when people say everyone eventually argues with each other :(

In middle school all my friends hit me/were really cruel. Now the friends I mentioned in the first paragraph above are acting like the people who would hurt me. And now the newer friends are great and kind, but I don’t know what it means to have healthy disagreements

sorry if this makes no sense :( I just woke up

Hi! I'm so sorry that you're being treated like this-you don't deserve it.

I think healthy disagreements come when you feel comfortable and secure enough with a person to express your frustrations and different opinions with that person without being afraid they're going to leave or hurt you. Like with my wife, I feel comfortable telling her when she makes me annoyed or hurts me because I know she's not going to leave me because of my emotions. I feel comfortable sharing how I feel and what I need, even if it's something she disagrees with.

Unhealthy disagreements are when people turn arguments into personal attacks, into a competition to see who can hurt each other more (physically or emotionally). It's when people start threatening, giving ultimatums, or bringing up old things and triggers. You're no longer trying to solve a problem, you're creating more problems.

I think people say arguments are good because you don't want to be in a friendship or relationship where you can't bring up things that upset you. That leads to resentment, you know? But the argument needs to be healthy or it can just lead to trauma.

I hope this helps a little! <3

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galaxy anon

Hi Cas, it's galaxy anon!

SO much has happened since I last updated you, oh my god. So, as it turns out, he only went on one date with his ex, and I guess he decided that he didn't want to get back with her.

I had a week off school because I was ill, and on the Friday night, I got a text from one of my friends (who I'll call H) saying that she had something important to tell me and that she needed to call me ASAP.

We called, and she told me that one of my other friends, L, got into a talking stage with my ex while I was off school, and she wanted to wait until I came back so that she could ask if it was okay for her to go on a date with him. H said that she just wanted to make sure I knew so that it wouldn't be a huge shock when L asked me in person, which was incredibly sweet of her.

When I returned to school on Monday, I had a meeting with my teacher in the morning, so when she asked t talk to me, I said I needed to go and we could talk when she got back. Unfortunately, she insisted on walking me there so that we could talk. She told me what happened and asked if it was okay. I had a whole answer planned, but the walk was too short for me to be able to say everything I wanted to, so I ended up just saying that if it made her happy, I was fine with them dating as long as I didn't have to see him because I didn't want to talk to him, and she agreed.

But, yeah, it feels a bit weird to see them together, especially because they've only been going out for like a week and they're already hanging out everyday and posting each other an their Instagram stories, and we never did any of those things even after dating for a month. I don't know if I was just a bad girlfriend or too busy or he didn't love me as much as he likes her, but it just kinda sucks.

Anyway, I'm glad you're doing okay after the storm, and I hope you ieve a nice day!

Hi!

Ugh that's so hard. It was so nice of you to be cool about your friend dating your ex, and like...I get why you did. You don't own either of them and the drama is crazy either way. But also I get why it's awkward and hurtful for you.

Please, please try not to compare yourself to her. Your relationship with your ex and her relationship with him are two completely different things with SO many other factors than just his feelings for the two of you. You don't know what happens between the two of them behind closed doors, and it's not going to do you any good to compare yourself to her.

It's hard because like...it wouldn't be the move to change your mind. But you also might want to spend some time with other friends who aren't involved in this, just so you're not in the middle of it all the time, until things settle down. <3

Keep me updated if you want!

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grounded anon

i got my phone back after the arkansas trip??? like hwat??? im literally listening to music on it right now?? and i also have an amazing girlfriend??? who is also my bestfriend??? and its going great because nothing changed except we kiss?? and everything is going right??

i personally hate when everything is going right especially after a period of just hell because then i get suspicious

also i forget how homophobic people are here. My and gf were just minding our business in pe and it was a free day so i was resting my head in her lap (mind you this is a regular thing we do, we've been doing it long before we were dating) and these two girls who literally CHOOSE to sit beside us were like staring at us so i was like 'stop staring at us, weirdos' and the girl was like 'well it just makes ME really uncomfortable when you guys are like laying all over eachoter! so i said 'then stop staring, look away, move, idgaf just leave us alone' and they went on a whole schpiel before finally moving. its not like we were shoving our tongues down eachothers thorat??? we were just chilling and talking about books???

anyway probably not going to do many asks, this upcoming month we have an entire months worth of standardized testing plus easter, so religion and all that shit will be coming to bite my ass.

otherwise im doing great :D

-(UN) grounded anon

Yay, congrats on not being grounded!!! and omg things with your girlfriend sound awesome!! I'm sorry about the homophobes, that's really fucking annoying, but it sounds like you handled it super well-I'm proud of you.

I hope your tests go okay, and I'm happy to hear you're doing well!

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alone anon (new)

Hey cas, my family always treat me like im not there and when i am im just there to be snarky and like the generic angsty teen. And its gotten to the point where my brother can litro get out of anything and im stuck doing the things hes gotten out of. Its like i have to be perfect just so they notice me if you know what i mean. And its just too much. Everything i relied on it throwing me away to the point where i sit in my room feeling ill and alone.

Hi hon <3

I am so sorry, this is absolutely the worst feeling and I can relate a lot. I'm curious, what happens if you try to tell your family how you feel? How do they react? Do you have any family members that do give you attention and love?

[marshmallowprotection]

HELLOO IM THE ANON FROM THE SPEECH THING and it went GREAT!! i even got the contact of a very important guy from my field and i just wanted to say that your post really helped me be a little chill for today

it is kinda embarrassing how i feel much more comfortable with a fictional character but nonetheless it really did help!! tysm

I'm happy to hear that everything went well, Anon! We have different ways of feeling confident or comfortable when faced with challenges, and if your way happens to be knowing that Saeyoung is right by you, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing embarrassing about it. It's the truth. Saeyoung supports you just as you support him. The confidence and pride that characters can provide us is no joke. Just as we love them and their story arc, we're knowingly and unknowingly inspired to grow alongside them to be better people.

[undiscoveredstory]

Here's speech anon reporting back. I don't know what my grade was but honestly, I don't care because I faced down someone who traumatized me for four years, and won. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but all the ones that mattered for me. Thank you so much for all the great well wishes- speech anon

I’m sooooo proud of you and super happy for you, kiddo! You are so brave and strong! You most definitely won! <333

[undiscoveredstory]

So for my first speech class assignment, it's a narrative speech and I chose to do mine about a time a teacher exerted their power over you and I'm using it as a cathartic exercise to talk about the teacher that mistreated me the most in high school and while it's filling me with rage. It's also helping me to put it all aside and exorcise my demons with her. Anyway, have a good Labor Day

Wow, kiddo! That’s honestly amazing! I’m proud of you, and I hope your speech goes super well! Let us know how it goes? I hope you had a good Labor Day, too! <333

[bleep0bleep]

Carrie I'm so nervous! I have a speech in a couple hours and I lost all of it and had to start from scratch a few hours ago. Its for a something super important to me and I can't help feeling like I'm going to disappoint everyone.

Oh my gosh! That’s really nerve-wracking, starting over. I think the insecurity and feeling like you’re going to disappoint people is very, very normal, especially for public speaking. If you’re writing down points on an index card, get down the key points since you’re probably not going to read it word for word-- that way you’ll feel more comfortable just speaking directly to your audience. Remember to breathe and take deep breaths, and to pause-- typically people tend to speed up when they’re nervous.

This speech is super important to you, and it sounds like you took a great deal of care preparing for it-- that means what you wrote down is just the foundation, the starting point. That you took the time to start over and you’re worried about it means you care. 

I wish you the very best. I hope it goes well!!!  ❤❤❤

[itisntbasedincardiff]

You now have a stutter for the next week!

What? N-n-no, you c-can't do that. N-not again. ((I actually had a speech impediment over half my life that I didn't realize I had until people kept misunderstanding me in first grade, and if you hear me when I'm really tired/upset, it sneaks back in sometimes. ...yep. Fun facts about the mun.))