Mudad Adventures: Spider-fest
summary: Giorno is terrified of spiders, Hol Horse is less than sympathetic
Giorno was not afraid of many things. How could he be, he lived in a mansion full of monsters (his father), freaks (Vanilla Ice), and idiots (Hol Horse). But all of them combined could not compare to the intense fear that struck him when he saw a spider. Being a nature boy at heart he knew that there were only a few spiders that could kill him, and that it was totally irrational for him to be frozen in fear whenever he saw so much as a brown house spider.
He just couldn't help but envision them climbing into his neat little buns, or burrowing into his braid and building a nest there. The thought sent shivers down his spine, that wasn't even the worst part, once they nested in his curls they would surely launch a campaign into his ears.
Giorno covered his ears instinctively, even though the spider in question was on the wall a good seven feet away. Once the spiders are in your ears it's all over. A few months ago he’d read an article in the newspaper about a woman who was killed by a scorpion in her ear and that was not a way he wanted to go.
Giorno took a deep breath. He was a big five year old, and he lived in a mansion with a vampire. There was not much a spider could do to him that he hadn't already seen (other than make a nest in is hair and burrow into his-)
He shook his head, no more time for those silly thoughts. He clenched his fists and steeled himself for an attack. Dio had always taught him that the best way to get rid of something you don't like is to kill it immediately and without mercy.
Giorno took a deep breath and slowly made his way to his bed, where he kept one of DIO’s shoes for emergencies like this. They were large and pointy enough to squish almost any bug, and he could throw them with more precision than a fly swatter.
Giorno reared back and took aim at the brown spider on the wall, he flinched one last time and closed his eyes before he hurled the shoe at it! He carefully opened one eye at a time, but was shocked to see no spider splat mark on the wall…
He carefully approached it, looking around for the wiley little beast, before he saw it. It was a few feet away from the bookshelf leaning against the wall. It was almost like it waited for Giorno to see it, before it ran behind the shelf. Surely to go tell its friends of the small pretty boy whose head would make a lovely nest.
This was fine, Giorno told himself. There was only one spider and he knew exactly where it was. He took a deep breath in and held it for a few seconds before exhaling again. He’d just have to wait it out.
A minute or so passed before Giorno saw the spider’s first taunt. It stuck out a spindly leg for him to see without exposing its body. It was a clever little beast, he’d give it that. But then, out it came trotting, this time with a friend.
Giorno gasped in horror as it trapsed across his will, a large, hairy, orange spider. The little beast had brought out the Spider Queen to fight Giorno. The boy’s breaths became shallow and his face palled when he beheld the monstrosity. His secret weapon had already been flung and they were scuttling towards him, there was no way to escape!!!
And then, the door opened.
“Hey, Kiddo, time for dinner.” Hol Horse poked his head through the door. Giorno peeled his wide eyes from the wall, and turned towards Hol Horse without blinking.
“Is there something wrong kid?” Hol Horse noticeably tensed up, Giorno was a weird kid but staring at a wall looking like he was going to pass out was weird even for him. Hol felt Emperor appear in his hands while Giorno slowly gestured to the wall to his right with his eyes.
Hol Horse slowly turned and aimed at: nothing. There was nothing on the wall. Giorno was shocked, a little relieved honestly, but also terrified that the hairy orange spider queen had disappeared.
“Girono, what's going on?” Hol Horse gave a little relieved sigh but was still holding on to Emperor. It wasn’t often that Giorno was frightened (if you could call that pale and unblinking face a fearful reaction and not something to be afraid of yourself).
Giorno took a deep breath and let the words haphazardly fall out of his mouth, “THERE WAS A BIG SPIDER AND I HATE SPIDERS SO I THREW DADDYS SHOE AT IT BUT IT SURVIVED OR ESCAPED AND THEN RAN BEHIND THE BOOKSHELF BUT IT TURNED AT LOOKED AT ME AND THREATENED ME AND THEN IT CAME BACK OUT WITH THE SPIDER QUEEN AND SHES SO BIG AND ORANGE AND HAIRY SO I KNOW SHE HAS TO BE POISONOUS AND NOW SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME BECAUSE I TRIED TO KILL THE OTHER SPIDER YOU HAVE TO SHOOT THEM NOW”
Hol Horse paused for a few moments after that rambling mess, he needed some time to process what he’d just heard.
“So it's just a spider?”
“TWO VERY BIG SPIDERS” Giorno emphasized. Somehow the threat of the situation was not getting through to Hol Horse. Not only had the mansion been infiltrated by a large spider, an even bigger, harrier, and scarier spider had moved in too! Obviously this was the start to thier devious plan to torture Giorno. First it would be his room, then his hair, and then his brain! From there it would be all over.
“Okay well I don't know what you want me to say but there are no spiders in this room so let's just go to dinner before your Dad tries to kill me again okay?” Giorno was very skeptical of the whole situation still, he didn't like leaving the battlefront without knowing where the enemy lurked, but he definitely did not want to be left alone in this room and Hol was already turning to leave. So he scampered after him.
They made it a few doors down the hall before Giorno caught sight of them again. He violently tugged on Hol Horse’s sleeve and pointed to them.
“What? These?” Hol Horse pointed to the spiders pretending to innocently weave a web. “These are just flies, Giorno. No spiders here.”
Giorno had always feared that Hol Horse was stupid, but never before had he felt such utter dispair at the man’s lack of brains. His stupidity was going to kill them both if they didn't act soon.
“No they’re spiders Hol Horse! Look at the colors and the legs and the web they're in!” Giorno was doing his best to keep himself together. He absolutely refused to cry in front of such a man.
“Look here kid,” Hol Horse pulled a thrashing Giorno up into his left arm, while using his right to swat at the spiders on the wall.
Hol opened his hand to show a trembling Giorno what looked like a mangled and somewhat exploded orange spider.
“Giorno does this look like a spider to you?” The absurdity of the question threw him for a loop.
“It looks like a smashed spider!” He managed to stutter out.
“It's not a spider kid.” Hol Horse brought it a little closer to Giorno, who flinched, and tried to get a better look.
“I can only count four legs. If this is a spider how come there aren't eight eyes and eight legs?” Hol Horse smugly retorted.
Girono could not speak. It was like his tongue forgot how to make words and he kept opening and closing his mouth. How could he answer such a nonsensical question?
