I feel safer in your arms
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Summary: You have been MIA for over a week, and Peter and Ned are trying to figure out what they did that could possibly make you ignore them for so long. It took one party at Flash’s place and an inconvenient Brad Davis to make you finally go off.
Author’s note: hey, guys. It took a lot for me to post this, the main plot is based on a personal experience I’ve been through, and I decided to write about it as a way of dealing with the shitty situation. I tried to make the emotions as realistic as possible, in order to express my feelings, but I’m not exactly a great writer and English is not my mother language, so please be patient with me if I’ve made some mistakes throughout the story. Make sure to tell me what you thought about the story, it would make me really happy. Also, if any of you have been through a similar experience and want to talk, hit me up, I’m sure we can help each other, I certainly do need some help lmao
Dedicated to: my favorite blogs! @infamous-webhead @justauthoring @userspidey @imnotobsessedwithhim @tomhreads @peterjonesparker @soulspideys@spideyxchelle (I know some of you might be weirded out because I have never interacted with you but i am in love with your blogs, i’m just rly shy, anyways hope you enjoy xo) and @lousimusician (U R THE BEST OMG as I said in your ask previously I am in love with your blog and your work fuckkkkkk, you are awesome and rly sweet ❤️)
Warnings: angst, mentions of harassment, slight PTSD, slight swearing, fluff (I SWEAR!!!), Peter Parker being the clueless human being on Earth, but also the cutest, protective!Peter, Ned is just a sweetheart I love him
Word count: 2961
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- Dude, what’s going on? Did you two have a fight or something? Because if you did, I swear to God I’ll…
- Ned! Stop freaking out on me, man. You are making me worse than I already am. And no, we didn’t have a fight or anything like that. I honestly don’t know what’s going on. – Peter was clearly hurt and worried.
- Sorry, it’s just that… it’s been a week. I miss her. I wonder what you did wrong this time. – Ned looked really judgmental and Peter wasn’t having it.
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Come on, dude. You may be her best friend but she clearly has a thing for you and every time she gets somewhat flirty, your oblivious self, despite being completely obsessed with her as well, always screw things up and she gets mad, so… what did you do this time?
- She doesn’t… have a thing for me. – Peter’s cheeks started getting red with the suggestion.
- Whatever helps you sleep at night. And that’s not the point! What. Did. You. Do?
- Nothing, I swear! One night we were fine texting each other and then… She just isolated everyone. She’s been ignoring me since then but I promise I didn’t do anything wrong, I even checked our conversation. Here! – Peter grabbed his phone so fast it almost fell, unblocked it, and clicked on your contact, he didn’t think it was right to show Ned your conversation but the need to prove his innocence was stronger.
(y/n): “wassup, arachnid?”
(Peter): “(y/n) could u pls come up with a better nickname? That one’s awful :(“
(y/n): “i’m working on it, but until I find the perfect one u’ll just have to get used to this mediocre-quality one lol”
You guys kept talking about nonsenses until you told him you needed to go.
(y/n): “gotta go, family gathering at gram’s. try not to cry because u miss me so much, I’ll be back I promise :p”
(Peter): “well I’ll try but idk if I will be able to go through the next couple of hours without you annoying the life out of me. It’ll be so hard :(“
(y/n): “damn ur heartless. Anyways bye, arachnid xo”
(Peter): “S T O P”
(Peter): “are you still at your grandma’s place? It’s like 2 a.m.”
(Peter): “(y/n)???”
(Peter): “if ur mad about me calling u annoying i’m sorryyy”
(Peter): “:(“
(Peter): “you weren’t at class today. everything okay? just checking, I’m worried abt u”
(Peter): “u missed a Chem assignment today, I’m paired up with you, it’s nothing out of this world but we need to talk abt it”
(Peter): “hey… listen u’ve been MIA for almost a week, now idk what’s going on but you can talk to me, let me help”
(Peter): “Ned and I went over to your place to talk to you but your mom didn’t let us in. pls tell me what’s going on”
- Damn, Peter…
- What? – He was certain he didn’t do anything wrong but after showing Ned the texts he got a little insecure. After all, he never realized when he was messing things up, he just got super nervous and started rambling nonstop until shit hit the fan.
- You guys are so flirty, it’s so disgusting, just ask her out already, geez.
- Ned!
- Okay okay, well, I admit, I didn’t see anything wrong, except for you clearly trying to flirt with her and being a total failure.
- Shut up.
They were sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria, theorizing about what made you go off on them. Both of them were uneasy, you were their best friend and they liked you too much to just let you push them away like this. Peter was particularly off, at the same time he was dying of worries, he was pissed at you. After all the mad shit you’ve been through together, he’d think you cared about him enough not to just ignore his complete existence out of nowhere. To be honest he was hurt about the fact that you didn’t like him as much as he liked you.
- Yo, assholes. – Flash just jumped up at your table. – I’m trying to do some community service, so as my first act of kindness I will allow you to go to my party tomorrow. My place at 10. Don’t be weird or I’ll change my mind and kick you out of there. Make sure (y/n) is there, she’s a sight I’d like to see at my place. See ya, losers.
As fast as Flash got to their table, he went away, not giving the boys an opportunity to answer. Peter closed his fists so hard at the mention of your name that his knuckles turned white. Ned simply rolled his eyes and told Peter to forget about it.
Peter took his cellphone again and opened your chat. It had been one day since he last texted you and tried to go to your place, so he was thinking whether he should tell you about the party or not. A part of him was angry and didn’t want to text you because of the shit you’ve been making him go through, but the other part was hopeful you’d show up at Flash’s and finally give him an opportunity to talk to you. He decided he missed you too much and would take any chance he could to see you. So he sent you the text.
(Peter): “hey, Flash is throwing a party tomorrow night and he invited us. yes. all of us. anyway, it’ll be at 10. hope you show up.”
There. Plain and simple. A loud sigh left Peter’s mouth as he hit his head on the table.
- It’s okay, dude. She’ll be there. Don’t stress about it.
(…)
- Do you see her? – It was the fifth time Ned poked Peter and asked the same question. Peter felt like he was about to lose it.
- No, dude. I’ve been looking directly at the door and she still hasn’t shown up.
- She will come, Peter. Don’t worry. Hey, do you think Betty would be impressed with this hat I’m wearing?
- Uhm, sure! Why don’t you go over to her?
- Are you sure? You’ll be okay? I know (y/n) is always the one who makes you company… - Ned was about to start rambling but Peter was quick to stop him laughing.
- Ned, I’m fine. Now go get your girl.
- Yeah yeah, you should go get yours too, you know. Look who just showed up. – Ned pointed to the door.
And there you were, with all your non-glory, and an alarm rang in Peter’s head almost instantaneously. The first thing he noticed was your clothing. You were wearing a jacket, which was not usual for you, who is always complaining about how hot it is, even if it´s freezing. The next thing he noticed was your body, you were thinner, not enough to make everyone notice, but he for sure did, and he for sure got worried right away. The last thing he noticed was your face. He always admired you for being so outgoing and confident, but now you looked scared and insecure, constantly looking to your sides, like the walls had spikes and the room was slowly getting smaller around you.
After scanning the whole room, your eyes met Peter’s, he was beside Ned, looking straight at you, you forced a side smile and walked up to them.
- Peter, Ned… Hi. – You looked really shy, something was definitely off.
- Hey, (y/n)! Oh my God I missed you so much, where have you been? We thought you were mad at us. – Ned was as agitated as he was when he talked about Betty. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited your best friend was to see you.
- I… I was sick, really sick. You know how it is… - You looked at Peter, but he had his eyes fixed on the floor, looking upset.
- Of course you were. – He sighed and you felt the sarcasm in his voice.
- Excuse me?
- I’m not buying that, (y/n). If you really were sick you would tell us, you know, your best friends.
- Yo, don’t put me into this mess, I’m going to talk to Betty now. But (y/n), I’ll talk to you later, okay? So happy to see you again! – Ned was quick to flee the situation, leaving you and Peter alone. You grabbed his hand and took him to the pool area, where there were less people.
- Start talking, Parker.
- What?
- You were pretty quick to shoot me a snarky comment inside, so I guess you have a lot to say, right? Start talking.
- I… I don’t have…
- Peter, talk!
- Why… Why would you ignore me for over a week? You were so sick you couldn’t grab your phone? And if you really were sick, why didn’t your mom tell us right away? I was so upset with you I wasn’t even going to tell you about the party, but I missed you and was worried about you and wanted to see you, and you lie to my face?
- I shouldn’t have ignored you, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. But you want to talk about lying? What about all the times you lied right to my face for almost a year, huh? The Stark Internship, the Washington shit, me being stood up by you countless times, what about that? You didn’t tell me about the spider shit, I figured it out by myself. And it’s okay if you didn’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but don’t point your finger at me talking about fucking honesty. – Peter’s face was sad and angry at the same time as you threw the words at him.
- You know, I only came to this shitty party to see you. – You stared right into his eyes. – I missed you and wanted to have a good time with you, but I guess that’s not going to happen so leave me alone. – At the moment Peter saw tears wanting to leave your eyes, he knew something was wrong, and that he had messed up. Big time.
- (y/n), wait! – He tried to hold you but you sprinted back inside the house, leaving him with his thoughts.
You were grabbing a snack at the kitchen, when you felt someone breathing down your neck. You froze instantly, trying to push away the memories. You turned and in front of you was Brad Davis. He was a good guy, but he was drunk and an alarm rang in your head.
- What the fuck? Back off, Brad.
- Hey, (y/n)! Long time no see, wanna dance? – He placed his hands on your shoulder, and the memories came flooding you as you tried pushing them away.
- No.
- Come here, I missed you. – He then pulled you in for a hug. At the moment you felt his hands on your back and waist, and smelled the alcohol exhaling from his mouth, you just couldn’t fight the memories any longer. It was like you were back your grandma’s house all over again, you started to shiver, your heart felt like it was going to go out of your chest and your vision turned black.
- Get off of me! – You couldn’t stop yourself. You shoved him away aggressively, and punched him right in his face. It was like you were stuck in your own body, not being able to control it.
You realized what you did when he hit the floor, nose bleeding.
- I’m… I’m so sorry… I… - The music had stopped, you looked up and everyone was looking at you. Then you saw him. Peter. You immediately ran away and grabbed a cab down the street, ignoring Peter’s screams calling you and asking you to wait.
By the time you got home, you were crying uncontrollably. You laid in bed and let everything sink in. You knew going to the party was a mistake but you did it anyway. Fucking stupid little girl.
- (y/n), let me in. – You looked at your window and saw Peter with his suit on, how could he have changed clothes so fast?
You went over and opened the window. He got in, you turned around as he changed clothes once more. You turned around again when he was done and sat on the bed. He sat beside you.
- So, I’m an idiot. I know. – He looked at you with puppy hazel eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. – (y/n)… what happened? Please, I beg you to talk to me.
So, you started talking immediately. The more you talked, the more you cried. You talked about how when at your grandma’s, while the whole family was going to take a picture, your old drunk cousin grabbed you by the arm to be closer to him, and started walking down your body with his hand, making you freeze with terror. You talked about how you felt like you couldn’t move or scream, about how hard he was squeezing your arm, leaving a bruise after. You talked about how you felt used, dirty, and weak, about how you should have done something, anything, but instead you stayed there like a scared little girl. You talked about how you were afraid of people touching you now, and how afraid you were of hurting people, and how that’s exactly what happened. You hurt someone, Brad. And finally, you talked about how you were feeling like your worst version of yourself, and didn’t want anyone to see that, especially Peter.
He listened to everything quietly, and only after you finished talking was when he realized he wasn’t breathing and that you had grabbed his hand at some point. He didn’t know what to say, all he felt was hatred, so he started crying.
- I’m so sorry, I made this whole thing about me when you were hurting so much. – You squeezed his hand when you heard he say that.
- Listen, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I just didn’t want you to see the mess I am right now.
- You are not a mess. It’s not your fault this happened to you. You are the strongest person that I’ve ever known, you are the utter best version of yourself and that’s one of the many reasons why I really like you and… - He suddenly stopped when he realized what he said.
Shit.
- You know… as a friend… my best friend! You are my best friend and I like you as my best friend and… - He stopped on his tracks when he felt you hugging him, he didn’t know what to do so he slowly and gently put his arms around you, making sure you were comfortable.
(…)
After that night, things didn’t get better, but they got less worse. Peter and Ned were the only people you were comfortable with, and Peter was the only one you were physically comfortable with. You didn’t think it was possible to be closer than you were before, but it happened. Peter was super protective of you, and he didn’t even noticed. He would always hold your hand when you were walking, and would always make sure you felt safe. Every time he noticed you being anxious, he would grab your hand and caress it with his thumb, or he would play with your hair and whisper “it’s okay, I’m here with you. You are okay” into your ear. He made you feel safe, and he also made you feel weird things, mushy and warm things. He looked at you differently, you knew it, and it always made you feel like your stomach was upside down, but in a great way.
One day, you, Peter and Ned were at the cafeteria talking, you and Peter were holding hands when you felt hands on your shoulders. You stopped moving right away
- (y/n), nice work on that assignment! – Your Chemistry teacher said and left without letting you respond.
Peter and Ned looked at you, clear worriedness stamped on their faces. You started to breathe heavily, your heartbeat started racing, you started shaking and your eyes got wet. Peter quickly grabbed your hand and took you away.
He took you to the janitor’s closet, the closest thing to the cafeteria. It was so small you were pressed against each other, but Peter didn’t care about that. All he cared about was you. When he closed the door, you started sobbing.
- Hey, hey it’s okay, I’m here. You are okay. No one’s going to hurt you, okay? I promise. – He hold you tight in his arms.
- I… I feel dirty.
- Here – he stood in front of you, took off his sweater, staying only with his nerdy shirt, and swept it over your shoulders. – I’m cleaning them, see? They’re clean. You’re not dirty, you are perfect.
He wiped your tears away and started caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands.
- I’m here and I’ll always be here. You are okay.
- I’m… I’m okay.
- See? Everything’s going to be okay. – He hugged you once more.
- Peter? – You called against his chest.
- Huh? – He didn’t let you go.
- Thank you. I… I really like you too. You know, as my best friend… - You felt his heart racing. – You know what I mean.
He let you out of his arms to look at you. He knew what you meant, he remembered the day he almost confessed his feelings, but he thought you wouldn’t have realized.
He kept his hazel eyes glued at yours, and you could swear he was seeing through your soul at that moment. He smiled, his face lit up. You smiled. You don’t know how long you guys stayed there, but it felt like eternity and it wasn’t enough.
