#splinching

[jlhynde-insanitybrilliance]

UDLTTOM DIALOGUE DRAFT #41

Abraxas (to Harry & Theodore): Please tell me you both have a plan…I don’t care if it’s a lie.

Harry & Theodore: We have a plan—

Harry: Well, it’s more like three-tenths of a plan.

Tom: I’ll take it.

Harry: Good, there’s just a quick question: How attached are all of you to your limbs?

Cygnus & Walburga (alarmed): What?

Theodore: Currently very fucking attached, Harry. I swear to Hecate if this plan involves loosing an arm, I’m not fucking—

Harry: No. It’s just a possibility, a very high statistically possibility. Ted we’re dealing with anti-apparition wards and we have two options: first we can either dismantle the wards ourselves, but that would require finding the anchor point in this madness and take bloody forever; or we can—

Theodore: Make a back door.

Harry: Ehh, more of a locked window. But with enough concentrated force we could break the glass.

Tom: That would splinch us.

Harry: Probably. Hence the limbs question.

Euphemia: Is there a way to do this without loosing a limb?

Harry: …I mean…I suppose the force isn’t required to be outwards, it could be inwards…

Theodore: The aurors.

Harry: There’s an idea, although that would require us to put faith that the Ministry will be both competent and punctual.

Theodore: So either loose an arm or trust the Ministry, is what you’re saying.

Harry: Essentially.

Theodore: Great plan. I hate it.

Harry: You have a better idea? No, didn’t think so.

[asktheheirofslytherin]

Well, Sir, I can tell you there are several reasons why wizards splinch themselves on and off the trails. First we got the No-Maj baiters who are shrinking camper vans, making kettles bite, turning tents invisible, you name it. It’s mostly kids being kids and having fun, but occasionally they get scared and apparate into a rockface. Next you got the poachers and the growers, who are more of a problem. 1/3

Now, these guys are ruthless, know the terrain like the back of their hand, and aren’t hopped up on some bootleg edition of liquid luck. Oh, did I mention some carry staves? The growers come out here to plant Alihotsy and the poachers to hunt a protected species of basilisk. The weird thing is they’ve been disappearing in larger numbers lately, and when they turn up, well… I don’t thinking it’s splinching, Sir. (2/3)

I have a friend who's worked mountain rescue for 15 years and told me about a basilisk poacher whose body was discovered inside the trunk of a giant sequoia tree, with all the organs scooped out of the body cavity, with no visible cuts and no blood, and the intestines draped across the upper branches like No-Maj Christmas lights. Weirder still, the man's clothes were found in a cave on the other side of the park. MACUSA blamed it on the Sasquatch, but what Sasquatch wears clothes? – SAR (3/3)

Ha, turning tents invisible. Amusing...but, hmmm... I did research on that basilisk species, oh, decades ago, now. I managed to interview one. Very distrustful fellow, which makes sense, given the poachers. Which brings us back to your organ-less friend.

What Sasquatch wears clothes, indeed.

Consider me intrigued.

[marauders4evr]

Okay so Splinching is not only one of the most disturbing things in Harry Potter, it’s also the most fascinating, because multiple cases are mentioned in the series (Arthur mentions two people leaving ‘half of themselves behind’, Susan temporarily loses a leg, Ron loses part of an eyebrow, Ron later loses part of an arm), it seems like it’s actually a pretty common occurrence, meaning that out of the thousands of people in the wizarding world, surely a handful of them Splinch every single day just...imagine walking down Diagon Alley and having to step over dismembered legs or the upper torsos of screaming witches and wizards who left their other halves somewhere else. Imagine if little eleven-year-old Harry had seen someone’s left-behind body parts when Hagrid brought him to Diagon Alley for the first time like...imagine having to explain that to the Muggle-Born parents who show up and wonder why someone’s left arm and right kneecap are lying in the road, like, “Ah, yes, that’s poor Arnold, this was his third Splinching this month. All right, lads, let’s sweep him up!”

[decanthrope]

Because the wizarding world has such “advanced” medicine when it comes to grievous injury, there’s a lot of room for amusement and creative thinking.

For example: the muggle public mistakenly identifies what it thinks is a brutal serial murderer upon finding a series of disembodied limbs and assorted body parts. Little do they know, it’s just splinching accidents where the limbs get left behind because “St Mungos will do you up right quick, just leave it”.

[asknightmareanderror]

Galaxy laughs. "We are demon- angel hybrids. We were born with them, but... We do not know who our parents were, so we just... Went with it. So... We dont exactly have a choice to have wings. We have the ability to make them invisible, and thats it." His wings seemed to make up its mind as they stay white. "As for teleporting, we cant. We can make portals and thats it. Teleportation is just a specific ability. Inky can teleport, but it makes her sick, so she hardly does."

N - “Oh...”

E - “...well...it makes sense that she’d get sick...she has internal organs, right? They’ll be moving around like crazy...”

...we totally needed that image, thank you.

E - “In all honesty, humans and human-like creatures shouldn’t teleport, especially without supervision...it’s too quick for the skin cells to regenerate...”

Oh...so, like...apparating in Harry Potter was right, in a way? Splinching?

E - “Mhm...”

[asktheheirofslytherin]

The ask about Wendigos got it right. As a magical Search and Rescue Officer, this is one of the things they tell us to leave alone. I can help you if you splinched yourself in the remote wilderness, but if you're stalked by a Wendigo? Sorry, buddy, you're on your own.

A wise course of action.

Though I must ask - how often do people go about splinching themselves in the remote wilderness? And what about people interacting with wildlife? Are there magical Park Rangers? I am intrigued.

[something-harry-potter-related]

So you can Splinch an outer body part(an eyebrow, a leg, an arm, etc)

but what about internal Splinching?

You Apparate and splinch your liver or something

Or you Apparate and Splinch part of your brain and suddenly- you can’t remember a thing. Suddenly, you can’t do magic anymore. Suddenly, you can’t speak. Or can’t hear.

Because you’ve Internally Splinched yourself.

Definitely not an idea being used in a story

[excuseme-howdareyou]

Guys, what if...

When you see a fail-panorama, it's really the visual of someone who couldn't Apparate all the way. It's photographic evidence of splinching!