I present an AU
In a world where there is no Boy Who Lived, Harry goes into property development and eventually finds his way into home renovations and flipping. He doesn’t tend to go for your ordinary fixer uppers but instead cursed houses. Because they’ve got charm (okay, maybe it extends a little more than just a charm). Because, to be unflinchingly honest, normal houses are boring.
So Harry likes the houses that have dark pasts, that other renovators and real estate agents have trouble getting off the market. He likes them even when they call him crazy and laugh that he’ll never be able to resell.
I love the idea of Harry buying this fancy estate, maybe something like Grimmauld Place, but it hates him and flights back every time he tries to do any kind of work on it.
I’m talking cupboards refusing go open when he tries to replace hinges only to smack open just as he’s about to give up and giving him a bloody nose. The door refusing to cooperate when he arrives every day, not unlocking and not opening when he finally brute forces the lock open.
I love the idea of him threatening the house, arguing, bargaining, bribing, and begging in turns while neighbours and passers by (muggle and wizard alike) goggle at him and thinking he’s insane. I love the idea od Harry having to smile, make awkward small talk and try to make people believe he’s normal despite months of this behaviour.
I love the idea of Draco, maybe a neighbour, maybe working nearby, watching all of this and slowly (and reluctantly) starting to have feelings about someone who’s absolutely insane. (And maybe sitting on his feelings because he knows Harry’s time is limited, and when he’s done working on the house, he’ll move on to the next one and leave Draco behind, and all he’ll have is memories that might actually be a weird fever dream.)
I love the idea (so much) of the house doing its damnedest to sabotage every effort Harry makes to flirt with Draco and trying so hard to play it off as being “sooo normal, it’s fine, we get along great! Honestly, it’s just being playful we have a great relationship. I love when the house keeps almost dismembering me! What? No, the fact that I nearly had 17 meltdowns when I did the double glazing and am now scared to go near windows probably for the rest of my life isn’t a trauma response!”
I especially love the idea of, despite Draco’s issues, them getting together like a 90s romance flick:
When the project is in its final stages of wrapping up and Harry has (despite the odds and the house’s best efforts to thwart him) fixed it up, Draco—stressed and emotionally overwhelmed by the thought of never seeing Harry again and missing out on the chance of happiness—runs after him and makes his great big confession. And then Harry goes, “not saying no, but, uh, I’m going to be around for the next six weeks at least to do staging and see if we can’t break some of the curses that would probably have any new owners dead in the first couple days. I was planning on asking you out before I left. Christ, Malfoy, I just closed on a property down the road, I’m not moving to a remote tropical island.”
Firstly... OMG HI!! IT'S BEEN AGES HOW ARE YOU?!?!
Secondly... I love this an INSANE amount!! This idea is so cute and so funny and omg THE POSSIBILITIES!!! The cursed house fighting back is just hilarious! like an evil Casita! hahaha!
Hullo hello hi! Long time no see! Almost a near miss because I’m apparently 3 senior citizen age bears in a horse costume and all 3 of us need trifocals!
Think of the possibilities! You can make it happen! I believe in you and all of your various, extremely talented chops!
The house would be the sassiest fuck there ever was, you better believe it! I can just picture Harry trying to chat Draco up while books, power tools and, like, rolls of painter’s tape get launched out the door at him. And Harry, bless his cotton socks, would pretend none of it was happening and the house wasn’t literally playing a game of “dance, monkey, dance” in front of his actual crush.
I can also believe with 0 effort that the house would do something to provoke him on the street and when random people stopped to stare/ask what’s going on/Harry tried to explain, it would be completely silent and behaved.
Within 1.5 weeks of starting his renovations, he’d have a reputation among muggles and wizardfolk for being slightly unhinged. Muggles thinking he’s crazy for believing a perfectly inanimate home has a personality (and not like “it’s so renaissance Italy in downtown London!”) while the wizards are sitting there going, “look at him, he’s given a perfectly good house anxiety!”
