heart to heart
𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 — summary; being fwb before he goes to jail, and it continues on after he gets out, but you have a heart to heart talk after visiting him (Oscar ‘Spooky’ Diaz x fem!reader)
𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 — warnings; aftermath of sex, talk of being naked, typical ‘what are we?’ scenario kinda, friends with benefits relationship, uh that’s it i think
𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 — word count; 1.2k
𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 — a/n; i’m so in love with this man
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since Oscar got out of jail, you’d been at his place a lot more. your arrangement taking a more serious turn than you had expected, but you weren’t entirely complaining.
now, you were both laying in his bed. his arm around your waist to hold you tight against his side while your head lay on his shoulder, hand trailing across his chest absentmindedly.
the remnants of your encounter still lingered in the air, bodies still sweat-slicked and warm. but the unresolved tension between you both lingered too, the unspoken words and the what ifs plaguing both of your thoughts.
the steady beat of his heart was like a fleeting moment of peace, away from the troubles of everything— but Oscar couldn’t help but wonder how long it would last.
the scent of your perfume lingered, filling his senses as he rested his chin on the top of your head. a soft sigh leaving him as your fingers traced across the crucifix around his neck, the gold pendant glimmering in the light.
he couldn’t remember when you first started to toy with the chain, but he’d never stop you. it was almost ritualistic now, and he found it endearing. maybe it was the way you would look up at him when you did it, eyes soft, gentle and unburdened. a stark contrast to him.
after a beat, your voice broke the silence, low and slightly hesitant.
“you ever think about making things serious?”
you asked, almost absentmindedly as if the question had slipped out without you fully realising it.
Oscar stiffened, his fingers twitching where they rested on your hip. he hadn’t expected you to go there, not now and especially not after everything.
his mind raced, a thousand thoughts spinning all at once.
serious? with you? with anyone?
he was no stranger to complicated relationships, hell he was the king of complicated. but something about you, the way you smiled at him like you understood the things he didn’t say, the way you made him feel lighter even on his darkest days — it made the idea of ‘serious’ seem less like a burden and more like a choice.
but all of that didn’t mean he was ready to talk about it, not yet.
his thumb brushed over your shoulder, a soft and casual movement that didn’t match the weight of the conversation.
he kept his gaze trained on the ceiling, trying to collect himself.
“serious, huh?”
he muttered, his voice gruff though there was no anger in it, just uncertainty.
he never got angry with you, never let himself. you didn’t deserve to see him like that, even if this was only sex with a little extras.
you nodded slowly, still playing with his crucifix. tilting the pendant and letting it catch in the light, before letting it lay against his chest again.
“i know you’re not really all about that, but i like being around you Oscar. i like this”
you gestured between you both, the intimacy of your closeness and the silence that settled between you when words couldn’t express what you both meant.
he let out a breath, trying to sound indifferent but it was hard to mask the edge of vulnerability in his voice.
especially with the fact you called him Oscar, instead of Spooky. it was only you and his brother that called him Oscar, meaning he’d let you in more than he’d already thought.
“you don’t have to worry about that, we’re good. just.. keep it chil, yeah?”
your hand lay just below his chain, sighing and laying your head on his chest again.
“i don’t know if i can keep it chill, Oscar. not when i feel like this”
absentmindedly, your fingers twisted the crucifix again. he let out another breath, pulling his gaze from the ceiling as you spoke again. voice softer this time.
“i want more, not just.. what we’ve got”
Oscar swallowed, his chest tightening. the room felt smaller now, the air heavier.
he should’ve been glad you were finally saying what he didn’t know how to ask for, but the fear of getting too close was a long standing habit.
relationships were messy. and he didn’t have the kind of patience that came with putting in the work.
but if he’d be damned, there was something in your tone that made him question everything he thought he knew.
“more?”
he asked, voice hoarse as he balanced on the line of uncertainty on navigating the conversation.
“what does that even mean to you? like.. what are you asking for exactly?”
you smiled, a soft and patient smile that made something inside him ache.
he watched as you sat up, still as curled into his side as you’d allow. hand splayed across his chest, and just shy of covering his heart.
“i don’t know,”
you admitted, sounding a little embarrassed before you continued.
“i don’t need all of your attention all the time, or.. or a ring or anything, but maybe just the possibility of something real. something that isn’t just us messing around in the dark”
Oscar felt the knot in his chest tighten. real. he hated that word because it always felt like some sort of an invitation for disappointment, but damn it, he also knew that somewhere deep down a part of him was hungry for exactly that kind of honesty.
starving for it even.
he lifted his hand and pulled yours from his chest, holding it in his own while his thumb soothed across your knuckles.
“you want serious, huh?”
he repeated, his voice a little quieter now, as if he was weighing the words before they left his mouth.
“i ain’t perfect. i got a lot of baggage, and im not sure if i know how to be that guy.. you want me to be”
the last part came out quieter than the rest of it, embarrassed to have admitted the truth of what he felt deep down.
you looked up at him, eyes soft but searching. lacing your fingers and running your thumb across his knuckles how he had just done with yours.
“i don’t need you to be perfect, Osc. i just need you to be here”
there it was.
that nickname you insisted on calling him. the one thing that had him crumbling quicker than your presence did, having to look away from you to keep the pink hue from painting his cheeks.
his heart thudded in his chest and for the first time, he let the vulnerability show on his face.
you were so damn sure of yourself and it made him question every he’d been telling himself about staying detached.
he let out a long breath then turned his head to meet your gaze once more. his thumb brushed across your knuckles again, his grip tightening ever so slightly.
“i don’t know what this is, ow what it’ll turn into. but i guess im willing to find out”
your smile deepened, and you leaned up to kiss him lightly on the cheek, as if to seal the unspoken promise between you both — before you caught his lips in an even softer kiss.
for the first time in a long time, Oscar felt a glimmer of hope, a fleeting sense that maybe just maybe, real wasn’t so scary after all.
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