It is so hard to say goodbye to one of the only online communities you're a part of.
I'm not very good at irl socializing and keeping up with people, so over the past year or so, I've been trying to cultivate more of an online presence in certain circles. The release of h*gw4rts l*gacy has been disastrous for this. One of the streamers whose community I've been a part of for while now (to the point of being a twitch mod) decided to announce today he was playing the game on stream and unabashedly coming out in support of it.
His reason?
Shortly after it's release, he said on Twitter that spoiling the game does nothing for trans lives. This being the internet somebody called him a terf. He cited this as the #1 reason he wanted to play and support the game. To spurn this person.
While I don't agree with calling every person who is/was attempting to understand the context of the situation/form an opinion on it a terf for not having a hardline stance set in stone already, as a not totally cis person, I absolutely take issue with his decision since effectively his reason is that "a (likely trans) person was mean to me online so in response screw the entire trans community."
In his rant about it, he even said that the only real deterrent to him playing the whole time was fear of getting labeled as a terf. He proceeded to jump through hoops justifying his decision, completely ignoring the fact that playing the game as a streamer advances its' cultural relevancy, further legitimizing, normalizing, and/or accommodating *her* opinions. Likely because he doesn't care about that aspect. I don't have the energy for any kind of confrontation on this with him, and attempts to get him to reconsider (based on the outcry of support from his other mods would result in an immediate ban.
The second his allyship was (in my opinion unjustly) called into question (by a singular person) he decided the best course of action was to go against the entire trans community so he could play a singular video game. Knowing what I now know about his decision-making process, this outcome was likely an inevitability. But I had no real way of knowing that ahead of time, at least that I could see.
It's taken me a lot of time to cultivate a place in that community. I've made friends. That's hard for me. This community didn't care that there are weeks long period where I just won't exist, and will still enthusiastically welcome me when I can make an appearance. And now, in a matter of minutes that entire community has been made unwelcome for me.
To have community stripped from me is a terrible feeling. I fully recognize that this is not a new experience. And as a white, cis-presenting amab, I've likely been spared this feeling, either by being oblivious or through privilege, a number of times. That doesn't make the reality of it happening to me for the first time any less impactful.
Letting go of months of investing time and energy to carve out a place to belong and feel welcomed hurts. But that space can no longer be mine. And thus, I should let it go and move forward.