Imagine accepting to reduce your life to the role of the ennemy of the person you love because thats the only way you're ALLOWED to be in his life. Only to be kissed by said ennemy because he didn't want to lose you when you lost yourself and also because he's been in love with you since the beginning but he didn't know it was love because he's never known love that burns so bright.
They didn't have to go through all of this to get to hold each other and it's all because they were raised to be soldier children pitted against each other by corrupt adults too obsessed with their political wars to think twice before shoving them in the middle of it. ALL THEY WANTED WAS TO LOVE AND TOUCH EACH OTHER GENTLY. NOT HATE EACH OTHER AND TOUCH EACH OTHER WITH THEIR FISTS.
Saw a post about the "lack” of trauma in Wayward Son, especially in comparison to the representations of trauma in Carry On. Which seemed like a gross oversimplification of the many ways trauma can manifest and therefore came across to me as dismissive and gate-keeping, whether or not that was the intent.
There is no one correct way of experiencing, exhibiting, or depicting mental health/trauma. And these things shift within everyone all the time. The way a person’s trauma manifests at one point will not be how it always manifests. That’s part of the problem.
So, I thought I would offer some of my own thoughts about the ways we see Simon and Baz’s mental health issues and trauma played out in WS, especially in comparison to how we see it in CO.
This is NOT exhaustive. I am likely going to forget many things. But it’s something.
Simon:
Simon shows signs of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria
These were all things he had in CO, but they were well-hidden thanks to his compartmentalization abilities and the fact that he was held together by pure stress and adrenaline at all times
Pretty much every single thing shown to us in CO is also shown to us in WS, though sometimes in more subtle ways - name it, it’s probably there
Now that he has his own space, his own rules, and no reason to fear for his life on a constant basis (no care homes, no attacks, no Big Bad, no roommate out to get him), he actually has SAFETY and COMFORT for the first time in his life - and he has no fucking clue what to do with it!
He crumples under the complete LACK of pressure - it was the only thing holding him together
He’s developed a drinking problem, neglected his hygiene, dropped out of school, and gained weight due to lack of maintaining his usual levels of self-care - this is not someone being “listless” - this is someone with mental health concerns on a level where intervention is needed
But rather than tackle this, Simon forces his brain to continue its attempts at compartmentalization, and he stops going to therapy
Except he can’t do that anymore, because Pandora’s box has been opened - AND, again, he has no external pressures keeping him going
He feels hopeless about his future and views himself as completely useless
His self-esteem is awful to the point where he is sabotaging his own health and relationship
He thinks he’s showing Baz “who is really is”, but he’s actually just discrediting himself entirely, showing us his self-destructive hero complex in a different way than in CO
He’s still reactive and loses control - he screams at Penny when she uses her magic on him, he’s itching for a fight, and he’s also channelled a lot of this into possessiveness
He still shows his black-and-white morality continuously throughout the book - not trusting the vampires, throwing his life on the line to save Agatha even though he knows it’s a trap, still quoting the Mage, etc
He only comes to life when he finally has a reason to be useful again
He kills vampires and possibly kills Terry - this is not surprising - he spent his entire childhood as a soldier, slashing things, blowing things up, etc - WS is showing us this side to him explicitly, whereas it was more glossed over in CO - but it was always there (he killed an excitable dog in CO, remember?)
He is disfigured - he cannot go out in public without depending on someone’s magic (which we already know from CO that he hates!) or covering up oddly in a trenchcoat
Even with those things, he can’t go confined places - like the Tube - or a public toilet!!!
Prior to Penny’s new spell, he had not been able to sit up straight properly for over a year - OVER A YEAR - he probably has chronic pain on top of the trauma of this
Baz:
Simon tells us he’s “blossoming” - that does not mean it’s necessarily true
Baz has thrown himself completely into his studies, and whenever he is not on campus, he is babysitting Simon
He is still coping with self-destructive martyrdom - he devotes all his time to Simon and does whatever he can to make Simon comfortable
One remnant of their history as enemies manifests in how Baz is terrified to set his boundaries in the relationship - he’s always on eggshells, he’s always counting himself lucky to be in Simon’s good graces at all, after everything
He watches everything he says around Simon - he’s terrified of giving Simon a reason to officially end things - the teaching-Simon-to-drive scene is a perfect example - it’s sweet and flirty and sexy, but also, Baz is SO careful about making sure Simon doesn’t get frustrated with him or the process
He still sees himself as unworthy of love - which is why he would rather have what little shreds of a relationship they still have left, than nothing at all
He is MISERABLE in America - he is starving and being burned alive and gets shot multiple times!! And he never once complains - that’s not admirable - that’s sad - that’s really fucking sad
He continues to put all of his dignity and pride into his external self, both visually and through his academic achievements, rather than into his mental and emotional well-being - perhaps even MORE than ever before, given how much he’s “blossomed” despite not going to therapy
These are high-functioning mental health issues - not a lack of them
He still hides his vulnerability and affections - he still never feels safe being himself - both as a vampire and as Simon’s boyfriend - coincidence? I think the fuck not
He likens Simon kissing him after the Ren Faire fight to when they shared magic, taking down the dragon - he thinks about how this time, he doesn’t need to pretend he’s not soaring inside - and then a few hours pass, and Simon pulls away from his kiss, and Baz has to go right back to hiding
He spent his entire childhood playing the villain, and now that he doesn’t have to anymore, we get to see that this is not who he was in the slightest
He’s the one appalled when Penny is doing illegal things - he’s the one always trying to talk them out of an altercation - he WANTS to be good but wasn’t allowed to before
He IS loyal - very loyal - and Simon uses this against him in subtle ways
He has no idea who he is - but we do get to see him try to find out, thankfully - it’s a matter of how much of this he is willing to accept and use as a catalyst for his own self-actualization - this is a journey he has only just begun - which should be celebrated, not seen as a dismissal of his struggles which came before
“You live in fear! In denial!” - pretty sure that says it all
There is so much more than this, but I am just so fucking tired.
Feel free to reblog, add your own thoughts, counter-points, etc. I love a good discussion. Just be respectful, ok? It’s not hard.
hey just wanted you to know that i really appreciated your comment on my Simon ADHD post!!!!! ADHD itself is extremely complex, but so is the public's view of it. on one had it's so normalized that it's seen as "normal" and not a mental disorder; on the other hand, there's little to no representation in media (at least positive). having more support with Simon having it is really great b/c he's one of my favorite written characters. sending you love, thank you again! ❤️
You're so right and so welcome! ADHD is, like you said, such a normalized, invisible thing. We treat it far more casually than it deserves. It really does impact every aspect of one's life, at least in subtle ways. I feel like that's super well showcased in Simon's character, and I'm so grateful for that rep, even if it's not officially named! 😭🖤🙏
Okay, I need to know if I'm actually making sense here.
So, Super Space Sailor was technically invented in the 80's by a man from the world of Halboro: 1994. However, the exact same plotline exists in its own separate universe, the Super Space Sailor universe. The man from the H94 universe technically created the SSS universe, but both also exist separate from each other.
There's also the out-of-canon/IRL, where I made all of them haha.
But the thing is, in the H94 universe, Sailor (the main character) is just the average cishet alien guy (because it's the 90's/was the 80's and the series has to be marketable). In the SSS universe and IRL, Sailor is bigender.
The H94 and SSS universes never interact in canon.
