“It was never about Tammy, it was about me.” Was a very interesting thing for Will to bring up in his coming out scene. Especially, to a room full of people who don’t know the Tammy-context.
If Will’s self acceptance, and coming out to his friends, isn’t about Tammy, then why bring her up?
It’s our old pal: Toxic Shame!
“Toxic shame can obliterate your self-esteem in the blink of an eye. In an emotional flashback you can regress instantly into feeling and thinking that you are as worthless and contemptible as your family perceived you.” - (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving)
Toxic Shame is a symptom of Will's trauma, that is the building block of a lot of his story. It’s also why I think he is so fixated on the idea of Mike being his Tammy Thompson, despite Robin never implying that.
Will is using this aspect of the lesson he learned from Robin, as a way to downplay his wants and needs. Downplaying Mike to “Just a crush” wasn’t necessary for a successful coming out. Will was scared, so he was fawning.
Like most people who end up with a fawning trauma type, Wills abuse was often times, a consequence of being vulnerable. This leads to vulnerability becoming a trigger for Wills PTSD. Will wasn’t just anxious when he was coming out in episode 7, he was triggered into a Fawn state.
One of the passage I have bookmarked and highlighted in my copy of “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to thriving”, gives a good quick explanation on why I think Will felt the need to bring up what he did.
“Fawn types believe the price of admission to any relationship, is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries.”
“The price of being out to my loved ones, is denying myself permission to have desires.”
Vecna still has something to hold against Will. Will isn’t being honest with himself about how much Mike means to him. He’s accepted his sexuality/who he loves, but he still hasn’t accepted that he is allowed to be loved.
In a conversation that is literally about him, and his safety, he re-arranged his feelings in a way that he thought others would find more palatable. His nervous system feels like it needs to shrink his needs in order to survive.
The irony here is that in the case of Will Byers, ignoring his desire to be loved is a direct danger to his life.
