In an ideal world you would never be out of range of vision with your victim. Unfortunately we all live on a cruel planet named "Earth" and so the ugly truth you will have to face is that there will be moments, days even, where you won't be able to gaze dreamily at your victim. This is tragic, but you need to get up, wring the tears out of your pillow, and get proactive with your stalking by doing one easy thing: build a cardboard cut out of your victim.
For this simple solution to the fulfilment of your stalking urges you are going to need 6 things:
A photo taking device. This ideally would be a professional camera with a telephoto lens for far reaching stalkability, but for those of you on a tight budget, a camera phone should suffice.
A large piece of cardboard. Consider using the cardboard you were using for that imaginary spaceship you built last weekend, or buy a fridge and throw out the fridge but keep the box it came in. In the case that you are too sentimental about extraterrestrial travel or too cheap to buy a new fridge then you can just roam the streets until you find a sleeping homeless man and steal his house. Bingo.
A wide-format printer. This is one part of the process where you simply cannot skimp out. You are going to have to invest a couple grand on the Mimaki JV4 industrial sized printer. The good news is there is 24 hour delivery from Belgium available!
A human-sized piece of paper. Exact measurements would, of course, depend on the size of the person you are stalking. Make sure that you are very close to their exact height, or else the credibility of your fake victim will be entirely compromised.
Scissors. We cannot stress to you enough how important it is to have a good pair of scissors. This is going to be the instrument that delicately outlines the perfect body of your one true love and it is imperative therefore, that you use only the finest device. Hikari Dragon Cosmo scissors are described as having "New ergonomic funnel shaped finger holes allow your fingers to pivot and rotate, thus providing maximum comfort, control, and mobility with the least amount of stress." and are sold for the incredible price of $1980.00
Glue. Elmer's will do just fine. It's just glue, no need to get crazy about anything here.... Gosh.
After you have assembled all of your supplies, it is merely a matter of attaining a photo of your victim, enlarging it, printing it out and then attaching it to your cardboard and - presto! Your very own love, all to yourself. Now you can stare at them for hours on end in a dark corner of your basement, without anyone having any notion of your obsession. You can even prop them up in the bed next to you... But you will have to role play that the two of you just got into a lover's spat, or something, because if you actually try to get near to this person and attempt to cuddle with them, we can assure you that the cold, flat properties of the cut out will leave you feeling hollow and alone.
