No kidding. I do stammer when I speak not in my mother's languange. I do stammer everytime I try something new like cooking, teaching, or just simply thinking. I do stammer in human relationships. I stammer hard when I'm going to a new place. I stammer almost anytime.
But somehow I like stammering.
Right now, I'm stammering like hell. In words. I don't really care whether this is good or not, as long as I could feel weird sensation in every stammer I do. I mean, I like the sudden urge feeling from the words that force you to spit them out or you'll feel neauseated and shuddered otherwise. When I finally could release them to characters, phrases, ... relics, I could feel a slight of sweet accomplishment ever. I don't understand why, it just happens. Like someone gives you a cup of magic capuccino that can blow up your mind, taking you to wonderland, sorryland or some other strange places like that where you can sit on the top of highest mountain. Man, I'm exaggerating.
Anyway, I do this stammering so often that I could not even imagine how this is happening at the very start. Talk about writing, I don't care whether my writing is good or bad. Long time ago, a friend visit my tumblr and said, "Wew, you're quite productive in words, I must say," then I replied, "Yea because for me, writing is my psychedelic tools." Again, no kidding.
I know some people that stammer good enough from their times up until now. Call Thoreau, Gaudi, F.L. Wright, Habraken, Jose Rizal, or Mandela. In Indonesia you can see people like Tan Malaka, Kartini, Gie, Semsar Siahaan, or YB Mangunwijaya. But I think, actually everyone is a stammerer for oneself. Everyone. Including me.
I always think myself as a traveler (Wanderlust, because life is much about journey, people!). You can imagine me as a backpacker with dull shoes, huge carrier, cheap t-shirt and vintage jeans on (although sometimes I like the image of beautiful traveler). And I guess one thing about traveling is how you find a new thing everytime, everywhere. Let's not take it literally. I mean, a good traveller always find-- find, not just meet-- something new in every step he makes, every breath he takes. Seen or unseen. Pyshical of metaphysiscal. Something that can make him a philosopher at least for his own life. I call it serendipity.
I guess Avianti Armand gets a point there. She said a lot about poetry and I underlined this, "Poetry is just unfinished. It has no end, just circling around again and again. Silence that echoes the sound." (Geez, she's much a poet for me. I'm thrilled just by hear this.) Then I'd say 'What can be more poetic than life itself? Just like Dali's infinity stairs, every ending is a new beginning. Solitude that companies the crowd..'
So, for me, stammering is about dancing in the rain instead of waiting for it to stop. Stammering is jumping! Jumping like the sky is yours, the star is none but yourself. Stammering is art of thinking! Create your own unique painting, take a higher level, different perspective. You can rationalize everything, trap yourself in your logic, but in the end there's no rule in your freedom of life. None's gonna give it to you. You have to take it!