Fic like you ask: He makes an excellent statute, does Hans of the Southern Isles. Anna considers him in her free time - a last gift from her now in-the-wind sister. He doesn't melt, he doesn't talk back, and he offers sage advice when she manages to put words in his mouth. On the day he *does* start talking back, though, things get...messy.
send in a fic premise that 100% sounds like the kind of thing I would write and I'll tell you how embarassingly accurate it is
This is my official notification to everyone that I'm ceding my creativity to @her-madjesty -- she has read me for filth and is clearly capable of being the new nanasalt, and better than I am currently doing.
This is, however, going to live rent-free in my mind, gnawing at my remaining brain cells, for quite a while. Goddamnit.