#stavation

[soon-palestine]

[abidingbythesocialstandards]

Sat here with a sandwich in front of me. All I ate yesterday was half a flapjack. And I regret buying the sandwich. Why am I starving myself? Am I under the impression that less weight means more attractive? I need some help. I'm fucked up.

[gigianna98]

I am craving do many different foods right now but I am not giving in

[themanywalksofrat-blog]

How self absorbed I am.

I once went 105.5 hours without food, well give or take a few minutes.  It was not an on purpose sort of thing at all.  I just noticed and counted the time that passed with a kind of passive curiosity.  

Towards the end of day two I began to feel some odd throbbing pains, hunger pangs? Not unbearable though, and by day three I was numb.  At the beginning of day four I noticed a significant decrease in my cognitive functioning.  My mind was empty.  I have never felt such apathy except on anti psychotics.  

No one was worried really or noticed, maybe one concerned remark. I smiled and lied, who knows why.  Maybe it seemed like too much effort to form a long sentence.  That sounds right.  

Part way through day five I ate one sleeve of saltines, the count down ceased.  I felt emotions again for a few hours.  Day six began at noon and I ate.  

There was no goal I can think of except that I was too anxious.  I just wanted to catch my breath.  For my heart to slow down.  

Day two was when I lost my virginity, it was a nice first time.  I never told anyone at the time so I don't know why I am sharing this now.  Almost a year later.  

It was interesting I guess to feel my mind die a little bit.  I wonder where a few more days would have gotten me?  I wanted a pretty story to tell but I don't have one.