I have had enough. What, I hear you asking, have I had enough of now? Well, dear reader, I’ve had enough of the amount of times I find myself apologising. Weird, I know; there's nothing wrong with being polite, after all. But that's not what I'm talking about. I’m mainly British, and apologising is practically bred into us. If apologising was an olympic sport, we as a nation would win the gold every year. I've even been on the tube and heard “I’m sorry” thrown at someone as in insult. We love it.
I'm not saying we need to stop apologising all together. You shouldn't now go about your life without apologising and then come back to me in a few days complaining that no one wants to talk to you or work with you. If you hurt someone or make a mistake, of course you need to apologise - there's no grey area there. I have found that nothing can harm a relationship faster than someone not owning up to their mistakes and not apologising. Most of the time not saying sorry can actually makes the problem worse and makes you seem arrogant, so you should definitely continue with sincere apologies.
But the amount of times I find myself unnecessarily apologising is unbelievable; it's like I spend half of my time apologising for breathing. I think being a woman contributes to this, although it's not an exclusively female issue; however as a woman I find myself apologising for ridiculous things like having ideas or telling someone what to do. I get so worried about being called a bitch or a diva that I apologise first before asking someone to do their job, something most men don't have to deal with; they have the luxury of being able to tell someone what to do, or that they don't agree with something, without people wondering if it's their time of the month or thinking they're being a bitch.
This week I did that super scary thing I hinted at last week. It realistically won't amount to anything, but I took a big chance on myself and very nicely and politely asked someone else to. Yet for some reason, the second I had done it I regretted it, and I wanted to take it back. I wanted to immediately apologise, but for what? For taking up someone's time? For having the nerve to ask for something I've always wanted and spent most of my life working towards? Well, those and million other reasons, but when it comes down to it have I actually done anything wrong? No freakin' way! I wasn't rude to anyone, I haven't stepped on anyone's toes, and I'm not forcing anything on anyone. I’m just asking for a shot.
So I’m going to actively stop apologising for being myself, for asking for help, or for having an idea. I have worthy contributions to make just like everyone else, and I have a right to be heard to just like everyone else. I am not sorry, and maybe next time I ask someone to do something I will just ask without apologising first. I will still probably still say thank you a million times - that's never going to change and why shouldn't people feel appreciated? - but this is it for needless apologies. I’m not sorry I’m here, and I'm not sorry that I'm asking for my share of the cake. (Wow, that metaphor came out of nowhere. But I'm not apologising for it. Look at that - personal growth!)
I'm not sorry. And I hope you're not either.
