sorry to tumblr users and millennials alike but the reason people get annoyed at you mfs is because you somehow manage to condescend at every single turn.
do not start your story with a diminutive in any sense, we don't know each other like that and I don't want to listen to a story from someone who's insulting me.
"oh honey (darling, sweetheart, baby)"
i'm not your honey darling sweetheart baby i don't know you. I could be older than you. even if I wasn't are we not trying to champion youth rights? and if I am a child then calling me baby/darling/etc gets a little weird. bottom line you don't know me like that so stop.
"buckle the fuck up kids"
i am an adult and your story isn't even that crazy
"don't ask, you don't wanna know"
making a lot of presumptions here. you are presuming:
-i don't already know (placing yourself above me in terms of lived experience)
-what you're about to say is shocking or crazy (see above)
-i am in some way younger/less than you and need to be sheltered from the knowledge you possess (huh?)
"just trust me"
-no why would i do that
-i could be smarter/more knowledgeable than you. or i could do my own research. you are withholding information and putting me down. stop
"you DO realize"/"you DO know that...."
-you're not actually assuming that I as the listener knows. you're assuming I DON'T
-placing pressure on me to know some bullshit
-always followed up with the least realizable information in the world or something that's just. false. and not backed up
-removes pressure from yourself to cite sources or back up your point because you are framing it as common sense
-by framing it as common sense you have villainized those who don't know wtf you're talking about
"my sweet summer child"
i'm going to kill you. immediately. with a gun. fuck off.
