@storiedtm continued from HERE
The urge to say it had taken over him suddenly. They were just sitting there, comfortable in the silence as Mickey poured them drinks and it’d hit him. It’d hit him so quickly he couldn’t control it coming out of his mouth. He was going to get him killed. He was going to get Mickey killed for the sake of a few selfish moments. He was giving the other side leverage, giving them someone James cared about and someone who was relatively easy pickings.
Sure, Mickey could hold his own in a fight. He was tough, he was fucking ruthless when he wanted to be. But he wasn’t magic, he was no match against a wand. He wasn’t going to outrun a killing curse. He wasn’t going to be able to suck up a crucio, or will himself out of magical bindings. He could be used, tortured relentlessly and all for just knowing James. For being someone James cared about. Because if they took Mickey? It was a sure fire way of getting James Potter where they wanted him. He wouldn’t even fucking hesitate.
But Mickey was his best mate. He was something, he was special and maybe it was something more than mates but it wasn’t really something either of them needed to say out loud. But he was the person James wanted to tell these things to. He was the one he wanted advice from, the one he wanted to tell all his worries to. To share things. To lay it on the fucking table and see if they could somehow make a meal of it.
So he’d said it. He’d let it fall out of his mouth with no thought to the consequences. He was a Gryffindor and he was supposed to be brave. He was supposed to be noble and self sacrificing and he should’ve given Mickey up a long time ago.
“What? No that’s not — “ he shook his head, running a hand through his hair when Mickey went off. Because he didn’t want him to think that. Letting him think James considered him a danger wasn’t fucking noble, it was leaving Mickey with something that would stick with him, would burden his relationships. “No — it’s not — you’re not the danger! You’re not — it’s — it’s me — “
He bit his lip, eyes wide as he fingered the wand in his pocket. He could obliviate him if he wanted to. He could pretend they’d never had this conversation, but James didn’t want that either. He never wanted to use his magic as an advantage, as some kind of one-upmanship and there was something so incredibly wrong about taking someone’s memories against their will.
“I — I’m mixed up in some shit okay?” he said at a rush, trying to be vague, trying to keep enough detail out of it as he could. “There’s people after me — powerful people and I — well it’s not safe, it’s not safe to be around you cause they’ll — fuck I don’t — they’ll use you, they’ll use you to get to me and I — “
He paused, shaking his head, his heart pounding in his chest. He was trying, trying to say everything without saying anything at all and he didn’t know how he’d gotten here. He didn’t know how he’d got himself in this position. Hiding so much from someone he lo — from someone who meant so much to him.
“I’ve given them leverage….I’ve given them someone I care about and it’s — I didn’t mean to fucking do that. I didn’t mean to care about — “ he bit his lip once more, flushing with embarrassment. “You’re not safe around me.”