#straightcriticalrole

[straightcriticalrole]

hey u know how crit role is pretty damn good about how gay it is? what if it wasnt?

inspired by @straighttpp and @straighttma and massive shoutout to the adhd/autistic crit role server for all the awful ideas!

[straightcriticalrole]

u kno now that i think of it, the entire thing where veth has to try and decide how to balance her family and the mighty nein would be just so terrible like the entire thing would be seen as an obvious moral failing on veths part, or, even worse, as soon as she becomes a halfling again all she cares about is her family and it was just the goblin that was making her so ~deviant~

god what have i done please let me atone for my sins

[straightcriticalrole]

Oh and instead of being aroace Cad is saving himself for marriage, because that's what all good 'ladies' do

oh god no why would you say that

[straightcriticalrole]

Vandren is the exact same except that he's not at all implied to have had any negative effect on Fjord and he's also Fjord's long lost real biological dad. Also Sabien is a woman, and she and Fjord used to be in love before she betrayed Vandren (by seducing him, somehow).

oh that sabien thing hurts why would you do this

[straightcriticalrole]

no yeah yeza definitely hates his wife. when they find him there's a joke about how he preferred being in the dungeon of penance to being with veth every day

this makes me so sad goddamnit why did i start this blog

[straightcriticalrole]

so for most of the show molly just flirts with a lot of women, but somewhere along a lot of fans start head cannoning him as gay/bi (still painfully cis) to the point where the writers make it canon right as he is dying, by confessing that he was always in love with one of the male characters and that all the other women where a method of distraction from how overwhelmingly gay he was then he dies brutally, there was no build up or consequences and he never gets mentioned again.

fuckin hell yall

[straightcriticalrole]

I figured it out, Caduceus would be a girl because of how pink he is, and how much he like nature. Ultimately cad will end up like one of those characters who are all zen and never get mad and stuff, like the yoga? Lady from the beetle juice musical.

oh dear

[straightcriticalrole]

keyleth/vax/gilmore love triangle but they're fighting over keyleth.

vax no longer has 2 hands